To tell dd18 she can’t see friends tonight?

[Cauliflowercruton]

Dd is 18 (year 13) and is telling me she’s planning to go to a friend’s garden tonight with 5 other people. We’re in Tier 4 (London- very high rates in the local area) and I’m not happy about this plan at all. Firstly, I think it’s morally wrong and that we should all be complying to try and reduce the rates and secondly I don’t want to risk mine and DH’s health so she can go and get drunk in a friend’s garden. Am I right to tell her that if she chooses to go tonight the doors are bolted for 10 days?

Really can't believe people think it's ok to tell 18 year olds what they can and cannot do

Chloedecker how does it increase the risk? They are already spending a large amount of time in small classrooms with these people, how does sitting outside with them increase the risk? I absolutely get it with people outside of that bubble, but the very same people?

@user1487194234

Really can't believe people think it's ok to tell 18 year olds what they can and cannot do

The government is telling everyone what they can and can not do.

What is it about the pandemic you don't understand?

@Bixs

I vote yabu.

This is not because, as suggested by some posters, I am flouting the rules. I completely agree that telling her she can’t go is reasonable. However, I think you are being very unreasonable to say if she does she can’t come home for 10 days. Surely this will mean she will then be spending a lot more time at other people’s homes. You are essentially making her further break the law.

So what do you propose?

Tell her she can't go. She goes anyway. Just carry on as normal when she comes back?

The only person making her break the law would be herself.

It amazes me at times that MN seems to on the one hand treat young adults as if they're still children until 25+ with free board, cooking, laundry, even talking to their boss for them if they're unhappy as I've seen suggested here before! And on the other hand, saying that they are free to do whatever they like and should have no consequences from parents 'because adult'.

Some people's DCs need to be made to grow the fuck and behave like responsible adults. Otherwise they can remain 'children' and be treated as such.

Sorry for the rant, but I've had it with people deciding the rules don't apply to them, both here and everywhere else.

I've lost one relative to SARS-CoV-2 already and another is in hospital with it.

Glad I found this thread. My DD 18 is now shut in her room following slammed doors after we had the same conversation.
I can't get my head around other teens' parents agreeing to host these gatherings.

I can't get my head around other teens' parents agreeing to host these gatherings.

That is a very good point. Everyone is blaming the "young people" and yet there are parents involved in it all in the vast majority of cases.

If it's any consolation a friend has just posted on a group chat saying how her and her neighbour (& 6 kids between them age 6-14) are planning a garden gathering. We are in Tier 4 and one of the hardest hit areas so wtf she is thinking is beyond me but I can guarantee she isn't alone.
Thankfully nurse friend on the same group has said a few choice words and all I had to do was echo her sentiments - hopefully friend will cancel but probably not

@lechatnoir

If it's any consolation a friend has just posted on a group chat saying how her and her neighbour (& 6 kids between them age 6-14) are planning a garden gathering. We are in Tier 4 and one of the hardest hit areas so wtf she is thinking is beyond me but I can guarantee she isn't alone. Thankfully nurse friend on the same group has said a few choice words and all I had to do was echo her sentiments - hopefully friend will cancel but probably not

Wow people aren't even pretending to stick to the rules now are they!

My area is 825 per 100,000 now which is climbing so fast. I'm not dramatic usually but I find this worrying

@SoupDragon

I can't get my head around other teens' parents agreeing to host these gatherings.

That is a very good point. Everyone is blaming the "young people" and yet there are parents involved in it all in the vast majority of cases.

Do you think parents are thinking hosting is less worrying for them because they can keep an eye?

Must be hard with teens because you don't want them to go out anyway... hard balance

I just went to the supermarket and turned back. The queue was too long. People were loading up party food and I saw one woman with 5 baguettes and about 5 packets of baps. Making loads of sandwiches perhaps? I'd like to think that was for the care home she works at, but I'm not sure. Loads of people stocking up for what looks like a good night.

Maybe you could keep your judgy schneck out of other people's trollies?
If you saw me coming out of the supermarket today with 4 loaves of bread and 3/4 packs of 12 buns it's because that's a regular grocery haul for my family of 6. All through both lockdowns have had people looking me up and down and tutting because they think I'm stockpiling when, in reality it just a weekly or fortnightly big shop.

• The government is telling everyone what they can and can not do.

What is it about the pandemic you don't understand?*
Thanks I do understand that
But do people really say to other adults'you are not doing that end of '
Can't imagine doing that

Chloedecker how does it increase the risk? They are already spending a large amount of time in small classrooms with these people, how does sitting outside with them increase the risk?

Really? You really don’t see that increasing the amount of time you spend with someone also increases the risk? In addition creating more opportunity for other people to mix too (such as parents dropping off children or joining in the park for a chat) as well as increased risk for older children mixing unsupervised?

Really? And you can’t see why school staff might be angry at this selfish behaviour/views?

Wow.

This very thread shows how poor the decision making is of some young people and of some parents enabling this.

So you honestly think that they can sit all day in the same room potentially with COVID, but the risk increases with them sitting outside after spending 8 hours in a classroom? Honestly I just don't get the logic. Surely if so one has it it's going to get passed in school where they are not distancing not outside where they are distancing?

@Plonque

I just went to the supermarket and turned back. The queue was too long. People were loading up party food and I saw one woman with 5 baguettes and about 5 packets of baps. Making loads of sandwiches perhaps? I'd like to think that was for the care home she works at, but I'm not sure. Loads of people stocking up for what looks like a good night.

Maybe you could keep your judgy schneck out of other people's trollies?
If you saw me coming out of the supermarket today with 4 loaves of bread and 3/4 packs of 12 buns it's because that's a regular grocery haul for my family of 6. All through both lockdowns have had people looking me up and down and tutting because they think I'm stockpiling when, in reality it just a weekly or fortnightly big shop.

Agree.

We moved Pil in at the start of the pandemic. I also have 5 children. You’d probably think I was having a party if you were looking in my trolley and judging.

@user1487194234

* The government is telling everyone what they can and can not do.

What is it about the pandemic you don't understand?*
Thanks I do understand that
But do people really say to other adults'you are not doing that end of '
Can't imagine doing that

In my home, yes. If I have a friend who smokes weed, that's her business. I don't have to approve of it, and she doesn't need me to. But I can put down boundaries- eg I don't like you smoking it- don't smoke it around me/don't bring it into my house" OP's daughter doesn't need "permission" as such, but OP is within her rights to say "I'm not going to condone it, I don't want you to go, and if you go, you can stay in isolation for 10 days after"

"I forbid you from going" is UR. "I don't want you to go and if you do x will happen" is NUR.

Teens doing a levels are not likely to share exactly the same classes. So this gathering will lead to more mixing and potential transmission than if they just went to school.

@purpleboy

So you honestly think that they can sit all day in the same room potentially with COVID, but the risk increases with them sitting outside after spending 8 hours in a classroom? Honestly I just don't get the logic. Surely if so one has it it's going to get passed in school where they are not distancing not outside where they are distancing?

Honestly if, after 9 months you don't get it, I don't know if you ever will.

Do you also honestly thin they stick completely to their bubbles? No bringing in person B, who goes to another school but is mutal friends? Or Person C from another year group?

Or do you think it's OK for me to have a party with my workmates, because we sit in an office together 9-5 5 days a week? May as well bring their families, as if I infect the workmate, they'll infect them anyway. And the kids may as well bring their schoolfriends...

My 16yo DD hasn't even mentioned about going out in recent months, she had an(allowed) picnic in the park for her birthday in August and that's been it apart from school, and unfortunately twice she's had to isolate too as others have had Covid. I feel for her and her peers as they missed a proper school leaving day, prom, sixth form Halloween and Christmas parties etc as well as the day to day general socialising. She knows some in her sixth form who are attending parties tonight but fortunately not in her friendship group.
My 23 yo also isn't going anywhere tonight, it's hard as he can't see his gf or his pals but it is what it is. We're in Tier 3 in Yorkshire. It'll be a quiet New Year for us with a rare takeaway and 'House of Games' board games; a little boring for them but not me!

glad she realised op

its just a made up day on a calendar theres other new years to be had

people act like its the be all and end all

I would be saying then the door will be locked on her return and she'll have to pay to go to a hotel to quarantine.

and all these people saying they'll just be in their gardens tonight on the coldest night of the year possible snow

yeah right

Presume loos are inside too, and alcohol makes everyone use the loo much more often than usual too.

And the percentage that said YABU is why as of Monday I will be delivering online learning to my primary school class. Absolute selfish, self entitled idiots

Hibernating I'm talking about that specific instance, I'm not talking about people inviting randoms and family members, that's a whole different conversation.

@InsertRudeWord

17% currently saying YABU. Don't know how we will beat this virus.

Possibly because if the stubborn teenager does the stubborn teenage thing, is she actually going to leave her daughter to sleep rough for 10 days? Or is it an empty threat?