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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dd18 she can’t see friends tonight?

178 replies

Cauliflowercruton · 31/12/2020 11:10

Dd is 18 (year 13) and is telling me she’s planning to go to a friend’s garden tonight with 5 other people. We’re in Tier 4 (London- very high rates in the local area) and I’m not happy about this plan at all. Firstly, I think it’s morally wrong and that we should all be complying to try and reduce the rates and secondly I don’t want to risk mine and DH’s health so she can go and get drunk in a friend’s garden. Am I right to tell her that if she chooses to go tonight the doors are bolted for 10 days?

OP posts:
Somethingkindaoooo · 31/12/2020 12:00

And I'm assuming, OP, that you won't let her go to college?
Bolting the door is disgusting behaviour

CallmeAngelGabriel · 31/12/2020 12:00

"I also initially didn't mind as they were all back in school Monday so figured it is more risk there, but now they have been pushed back to the following week, that doesn't now apply."

Jesus Christ, did I read that right?! Angry

THIS IS WHY SCHOOL STAFF ARE TEARING THEIR HAIR OUT.

MintyMabel · 31/12/2020 12:03

I now feel like the grinch that stole New Year. DD2 is distraught and not speaking to me.

Can you still give her an option? She can have 2 friends over but they must stick to the rules and if they don’t they’re going home?

HibernatingTill2030 · 31/12/2020 12:04

@SlowlyLosingSubPlot

I just went to the supermarket and turned back. The queue was too long. People were loading up party food and I saw one woman with 5 baguettes and about 5 packets of baps. Making loads of sandwiches perhaps? I'd like to think that was for the care home she works at, but I'm not sure. Loads of people stocking up for what looks like a good night.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are following the rules.

How do you know they are not having a party for their own house? Someone with 4 children, 2 adults would need a fair amount of food/drink. And maybe picking up some bread because they'll be too tired/hungover to cook a proper lunch tomorrow and they'll have burgers and sandwiches.
YogiBearcub · 31/12/2020 12:06

@SpikySara

Find out where the party is and report to police. Disgusting behaviour 😡
Great idea!
SlowlyLosingSubPlot · 31/12/2020 12:06

Or maybe they are like my neighbour who has had 6 cars outside her house for the past week.

HairyFloppins · 31/12/2020 12:07

My dd would be getting told no coming home for 10 days if she did that.

She was in tears witnessing her dad getting taken away in an ambulance two weeks ago with covid though so she wouldn't even suggest the idea.

HibernatingTill2030 · 31/12/2020 12:07

@SlowlyLosingSubPlot

Or maybe they are like my neighbour who has had 6 cars outside her house for the past week.
Maybe, but how would you ever know?
Pugdogmom · 31/12/2020 12:07

@Cauliflowercruton

Yes she did stay at home. Much sulking, but apparently we gave her no option. We did, she could have stayed at her bfs.She chose not to.

yesifibbed · 31/12/2020 12:07

To be honest I am getting fed up seeing the 16-18yrs olds ignoring the rules, joys of being teenagers and thinking the rules dont apply to them. Not wearing masks on public transport then its the illegal raves. We are in London with a huge peak in the mutated virus.
The secondary schools have seen small spikes in my DD year group. The schools have strict bubbles, staggered starting and finish times and are pretty good at maintaining that. I know that some unis also do weekly testing of DC and fine DC who breach. We are in the middle of a pandemic so a couple of kids in a year group of 120 being positive is pretty good going. So I dont think folks can sit and suggest because DC go to school they can do what the heck they like.

Original poster
Cauliflowercruton · 31/12/2020 12:10

Dd appears to have reflected while walking the dog and came back a bit sheepish saying she’ll stay in tonight

OP posts:
Fortheweekend · 31/12/2020 12:12

It’s the younger generation that we are going to really struggle to get through to and help us contain Covid. My friend and her dh now have the virus because her 20 year old dd and her boyfriend (who lives with them) decided it was more important to keep their social life going than hankering down for several weeks at home each night. Just hope they will all get through it with minimal symptoms 🤞

bigbluebus · 31/12/2020 12:13

No way would I be allowing her to go. We usually party our way into NY at a local venue and DS works there on the bar as he's home from Uni. Obviously that won't be happening tonight. DS had a cocktail kit as part of his Christmas present so he'll be doing his bar tendering at home with us which he's happy to do. His Uni city was in T3 long before he came home including on his birthday and he managed to celebrate with 2 of his housemates with some beers and a takeaway.

We all need to make the best of what we are permitted to do within our households or we'll be stuck like thus for much longer.

NettleTea · 31/12/2020 12:16

my 20 year old asked last night if she could travel from SE coast (highest area in E Sussex) by train and go to a NYE party in London, coming back tomorrow.
I said no chance
she accepted it, though obviously was a bit upset.
It is sad, but it is what it is. There are loads of things that we would all love to do. we just cant at the moment

purpleboy · 31/12/2020 12:17

@CallmeAngelGabriel

"I also initially didn't mind as they were all back in school Monday so figured it is more risk there, but now they have been pushed back to the following week, that doesn't now apply."

Jesus Christ, did I read that right?! Angry

THIS IS WHY SCHOOL STAFF ARE TEARING THEIR HAIR OUT.

Teachers are pulling their hair out because kids from the same bubble are meeting outside of school? That's a crazy overreaction.
Katinski · 31/12/2020 12:17

My18yr old niece and her friends are having a Facetime party.
Seems a good compromise to me, tho I think her M&D might need to invest in earplugs, and for that there's always Amazon PrimeGrin

purpleboy · 31/12/2020 12:18

That's good news op, always better when they come to the realisation by themselves.

IggysPop · 31/12/2020 12:20

That’s brilliant she’s come to her on conclusion. I think that the majority are like this to be fair - just need a reminder sometimes.

It is hard with all the mental gymnastics going on (e.g. but the schools are open so why can’t we do x, y, z).

I asked our youngest to listen to this after an ‘it’s not fair’ session (and I agree it’s crap for them) and then come back to me for discussion. It did the trick: twitter.com/bbc5live/status/1344543533173190663?s=20

JillofTrades · 31/12/2020 12:20

Yanbu she needs to get over selfishness and realise that this affects everyone. Everyone is making sacrifices.

ofwarren · 31/12/2020 12:21

It's my eldest sons 18th today and he's not going anywhere at all.
He's having a takeaway and a few beers.
He's not moaned at all as his brother is on the shielding list. I do feel sorry for him though.

JonasKahnwald · 31/12/2020 12:24

@Mummyoflittledragon

Bolting the door for 10 days sounds harsh. Part of me though thinks if she’s going to college / school on Monday, you’re possibly only delaying and inevitable unfortunately. Not that I’m saying it justifies the meet up as we are almost all in tier 4 and need an expectation reset.

I wonder if the people voting YABU are responding to the door bolting thing.

I definitely voted yabu because of the door bolting thing. I took it to mean you wouldn't let her in the house for the next 10 days. Is that not what you mean?
Guineapig99 · 31/12/2020 12:25

‘ Teachers are pulling their hair out because kids from the same bubble are meeting outside of school? That's a crazy overreaction.’

You know that’s a figure of speech right?? It means they’re beyond frustrated, not that they’re literally tearing their hair out. And I think they s the right to be.

CallmeAngelGabriel · 31/12/2020 12:26

"Teachers are pulling their hair out because kids from the same bubble are meeting outside of school? That's a crazy overreaction."

Please don't DARE to tell any teacher what an over-reaction is. Set foot in a school for 5 minutes and you'll see what we're up against.

user1487194234 · 31/12/2020 12:26

As she is an adult I don't see how you can tell her what to do
Talk to her ,yes, say she will have to stay in her room,yes but all this 'tell her end of " stuff ,I really don't get that.
All the young people I know are seeing friends tonight

Lovemusic33 · 31/12/2020 12:28

I do feel for teens, I remember being that age and going out for New Year’s Eve was the highlight of the year (though I always worked New Year’s Eve so didn’t go out as such).

The rules should be stuck too despite them making no sense, it’s ok to meet outside in the park but not in your garden? Which doesn’t really make sense, so your dd could go and drink in the park with 5 others but can’t do so in her friends garden?

We are in tier 3, I went shopping yesterday whilst still I; tier 2 and saw many people with loads of party food, hopefully they just have large households or greedy kids that can eat 100 sausage rolls and ten loads of bread. We will be having party food at home and watching the depressing tv coverage of what a shit year it has been, I’m sure most people will be doing the same.