To tell dd18 she can’t see friends tonight?

[Cauliflowercruton]

Dd is 18 (year 13) and is telling me she’s planning to go to a friend’s garden tonight with 5 other people. We’re in Tier 4 (London- very high rates in the local area) and I’m not happy about this plan at all. Firstly, I think it’s morally wrong and that we should all be complying to try and reduce the rates and secondly I don’t want to risk mine and DH’s health so she can go and get drunk in a friend’s garden. Am I right to tell her that if she chooses to go tonight the doors are bolted for 10 days?

YANBU even apart from anything else it is bloody cold and drinking for hours outside is extremely silly

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay I think Minty Mabel was replying to my post. In Scotland, 12-17 year olds can meet up outside (no more than six). I just think that planned meet up is now just not right, even though technically legal, and guidance is obviously don't meet up for NYE.

I had to say the same to DS. The way I see it, the more people are out, the more everyone else thinks it’s ok and so the cycle continues.

I’ve just got back from dog walking, it’s bleeding cold out there. No wonder she’s changed her mind, I can’t see anyone braving long in a garden.

mindymomo Ha I was opening she’d had a moral awakening but maybe that’s for another day

Good outcome OP, my DDs are that age and they wont be going anywhere.

I have been on a few COVID related threads recently and been very interested to see the extremes of opinion - particularly that some still say the virus is not that dangerous and HMGov etc is over-reacting. Literally beggars belief, but I am glad I know some people do have that attitude, explains a lot. Also interesting to see previous poster talking about 20% of society thinking rules are not for them.

Mind you judging by the number of people out shopping today I think its got to be a lot more than 20%

I don’t think it’s very likely they will really be in the garden all evening in this weather. Even if they are it’s not right. Everyone is supposed to be staying at home and not mixing. A party in the garden in late December? I don’t think that’s going to be happening at all. They will all end up inside.

You are Tier 4 @Cauliflowercruton

Someone is spreading the virus.... a group of teens together is going to keep your area infection rates high and maybe Tier 5 in future....
Just tell her NO

@Cauliflowercruton

Dd appears to have reflected while walking the dog and came back a bit sheepish saying she’ll stay in tonight

I missed this. Well done daughter.

Or you can say your her mum and she's staying at home! No ifs or buts about it.

Obv she doesn't know it's -1c tonight

There's a thread going on at the moment where a doctor has been quoted on BBC:

"Prof Hugh Montgomery told BBC Radio 5 Live hospitals were facing a "tsunami" of Covid cases and he feared it would get worse after New Year's Eve."

And rather than thinking wow such a senior medic telling us this, we really need to take note etc posters are actually saying this is hyperbole and scaremongering.

Imagine what you would have done faced with this situation on your birthday My DS turned 18 during the second lockdown. He got through it without having to go out drinking for hours. My eXH came over and had champagne and cake on my doorstep.

If things had been diffferent we would all have gone out for a meal but it wasn’t to be. Such is life.

Glad she’s changed her mind but I can’t understand why in the name of God anyone would actually want to stand outside drinking in this weather

Glad she’s seen sense...or the weather forecast!

@purpleboy - I am not sure what to say if you don’t understand the messaging on this. Increased contact means increased risk of spreading a virus, and somebody will get seriously ill down the line. It’s about decreasing the odds - there is a ton of material you can find about this. Or somebody medical on here can explain it much better than me...

My 11 year-old has not seen her best friend out of school since August. It’s hard but she gets in - especially after seeing me in hospital with the flu 2 years ago (no health conditions here by the way).

Yanbu at all. IF/WHEN schools are back and she is mixing with people anyway I would probably allow some leniency (outside) with people she is seeing anyway. But right now, in tier 4, no way.

[quote IggysPop]@purpleboy - I am not sure what to say if you don’t understand the messaging on this. Increased contact means increased risk of spreading a virus, and somebody will get seriously ill down the line. It’s about decreasing the odds - there is a ton of material you can find about this. Or somebody medical on here can explain it much better than me...

My 11 year-old has not seen her best friend out of school since August. It’s hard but she gets in - especially after seeing me in hospital with the flu 2 years ago (no health conditions here by the way).[/quote]
I understand the messaging and it's totally contradictory, you think it's fine for a large group of kids to sit in a classroom for 8 hours, but 4 of those kids meeting in a garden after school is not ok. Makes zero sense.

Anyway we're derailing so sorry op. Glad she has decided to stay in hope you all have a great new year.

"I understand the messaging and it's totally contradictory, you think it's fine for a large group of kids to sit in a classroom for 8 hours, but 4 of those kids meeting in a garden after school is not ok. Makes zero sense."

What makes zero sense is having the large group of kids sitting in a classroom for 8 hours in the first place. I don't think you'll find a teacher on the planet who "thinks that's fine."

DD is ‘not speaking’ to me because I’ve told her that if she goes to the house party ‘hosted by her friends parents that’s been invited to tonight, then she’ll be staying there for 10 days.

I vote yabu.

This is not because, as suggested by some posters, I am flouting the rules. I completely agree that telling her she can’t go is reasonable. However, I think you are being very unreasonable to say if she does she can’t come home for 10 days. Surely this will mean she will then be spending a lot more time at other people’s homes. You are essentially making her further break the law.

You are also then forcing you dd to potentially infect other households.

purpleboy it is viewpoints like yours that caused such damage to schools last term (even if you specifically didn’t break any rules)

Entire industries had been shut down just so schools could stay open. That means that keeping schools open was already risky but to reduce that risk, pupils were not allowed to meet up (even in same bubbles) for sleepovers, a kick about in the park etc.

Because that increases the risk.

The higher the risk in schools, the more other people suffer such as working parents, people in industries that have shut everything down etc etc., just so other people’s children can still go to school during a lockdown.

As it was, far too many with your viewpoint helped to cause the predicament we are all now in.

If you genuinely can’t see that, we have bigger problems as a society.

You know you aren’t being unreasonable so why ask. The guidelines are very clear.

@yankeedoodledandee

Also at 18 living at home she should be asking not telling you.

Asking permission to go out? At 18?

I mean she should be discussing the situation with OP and respect that she cannot take a risk like that then return to the family home, but ask? No. She is able to make her own decisions within the boundaries of what's acceptable in the household.

If an 18 year old is still living at home they should ask because their actions are putting the rest of the household at risk. The rules do not say you can meet in private gardens.

It's not just the "young people" who are breaking the rules. Not by a long way. It is unfair for them to take all the blame.

None of mine are going out partying - I imagine DSs will be having "virtual pub" like they did throughout lockdown.