Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that families who construct their lifestyle around two incomes are living very precariously?

441 replies

Circumlocutious · 30/12/2020 21:48

I’m talking situations where the two incomes are absolutely essential to paying the mortgage and bills. A situation where there is no ‘give’, no flexibility: what if there is a chronic illness in the family, one person can no longer work, school closures (well, you’re seeing it now)? Isn’t this a precarious way to live?

I get that sometimes there may be no other choice, especially when saving up for mortgage. But often it seems like people’s lifestyle - the house they choose to buy, the size of their mortgage, the area they live in, their cars, the schools they pay to send their children to - have adapted to fit around two full incomes, even when they could have made different choices. Many people live fancy lifestyles with no room for error. They can’t scale back their spending without making major changes, eg moving house, which are harder to do once you’re used to your current lifestyle.

AIBU to say that more couples should aim to contain family spending to the level of one earning partner? Is this unrealistic?

OP posts:
CakeRequired · 30/12/2020 22:17

I get what you mean op.

Seen it happen a lot. Couple has two high incomes, but spends it all every month, they don't save, they just spend. Cars on finance, huge mortgage, kids in private schools or whatever, buy all the latest tech etc.

Then one loses their job. Suddenly no savings is a huge problem.

It's actually a common issue in the oil industry. People on like 150k plus salaries and no savings. At all. It's insane! And when they lose their jobs, they refuse to look for anything less than what they had, so they end up with no work for years. And complain about it. Idiots.

longestlurkerever · 30/12/2020 22:17

I'm surprised more people don't consider 2 part time earners. It's more tax efficient, more equitable and there's often more scope to increase hours to cover a shortfall than an out of work partner suddenly finding a job

Brumplescruff · 30/12/2020 22:17

I support two kids at uni. Run a car. Pay my rent for my council house (not, it’s not free, before someone pops up to say that). I work 3 jobs and I am disabled.

I haven’t had a holiday in god knows how long my car is 13 years old, my tele is similar and I pay a tenner a month for a sim only plan for an older iphone that belonged to a family member and they gave me.

But I should what? Live on half my wage? How?

Chloemol · 30/12/2020 22:20

What a stupid comment to make. Lots of families have no choice but to live on two incomes, and they live in small houses, second hand cars and furniture and all the rest

TantieTowie · 30/12/2020 22:21

Most couples need two incomes to afford a mortgage at all, don't they? Also, having two people in work helps protect a couple against one losing their job for whatever reason.

TramaDollface · 30/12/2020 22:22

Most people don’t have a choice you fool!

Brumplescruff · 30/12/2020 22:22

I’m obviously irresponsible and feckless poor and me and my children shouldn’t get ideas above our stations like going to university

TantieTowie · 30/12/2020 22:23

@longestlurkerever

I'm surprised more people don't consider 2 part time earners. It's more tax efficient, more equitable and there's often more scope to increase hours to cover a shortfall than an out of work partner suddenly finding a job
This
Brumplescruff · 30/12/2020 22:23

Or is it that we aren’t a real family because there’s only me?

Op?

Brumplescruff · 30/12/2020 22:23

@longestlurkerever

I'm surprised more people don't consider 2 part time earners. It's more tax efficient, more equitable and there's often more scope to increase hours to cover a shortfall than an out of work partner suddenly finding a job
Kinda hard when you’re a lone parent ....
DemolitionBarbie · 30/12/2020 22:24

Yes, and you should always have a second home in the country and a yacht, too

grapewine · 30/12/2020 22:25

Some of the threads on here are baffling.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 30/12/2020 22:25

DH and I are confident we work in secure jobs where the chance of redundancy is low.

Furthermore, constructing our life on 2 incomes means that at 35 we have a big house with a lot of equity in an expensive area, if we lost our jobs, worst case scenario we could likely downsize to a 2 bed in a cheap area and buy in cash to seriously cut our living costs.

Having 2 incomes gives you more financial security, not less.

Corriefan2021 · 30/12/2020 22:26

I wouldn’t even see the point of working if we couldn’t have a nicer life because of it.

MirandaWestsNewBFF · 30/12/2020 22:27

If we had taken your advice we would have had no mortgage at all. Having said that, since my husband lost his job earlier in the year, we have managed. Of course it helps that outgoings are so low as so many activities are unavailable and I started my own business on the side (career coach) to earn extra too. But as a rule, we rely on both incomes just to get by.

Comefromaway · 30/12/2020 22:27

We decided many years ago that we would only take on a mortgage that we could pay on one income. We had no choice actually at first as dh was self employed with not enough years of books so they would only take my income into account.

When we both did earn more we spent more, but also saved and only spent on things we knew we could cut out if needed.

Dh became ill a couple of years ago and was off sick for 6 months, we tightened our belts a little but were ok. We are both comfortable earners (family income £65k) and we were lucky dh got half pay not just SSP. I would advise income protection insurance.

Siepie · 30/12/2020 22:27

DP and I both have fairly well paid jobs and live in a relatively cheap city. We have savings for emergencies and we're not stretched to 100%, but living on only one income would be a big change.

Our house has a spare room, which means family from abroad could visit pre-pandemic and it's now become my home office. We live in a safe neighbourhood, which has good state schools and easy access to the countryside.

We could live elsewhere in our city on just one salary, but I'd rather accept this little bit of precarity than have a significantly worse lifestyle for the rest of my life 'just in case'.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 30/12/2020 22:28

Seen it happen a lot. Couple has two high incomes, but spends it all every month

Whereas most of our friends are high earners and they all have diverse savings portfolios (I know because due to DH and I occupations most have asked us for advice at various stages).

90% of our friendship group have access to about a years worth of post tax earnings in savings/investments etc as a safety net.

sadcatdiary · 30/12/2020 22:29

Good God. Hardly a realistic scenario for a lot of people, OP.

Let's all be hermits our entire lives, never find a partner or breed, just in case something hideous happens. That's what being alive is all about. Hmm

Godimabitch · 30/12/2020 22:29

One salary is rarely enough to support a family. And it would be a bit crap having a worse upbringing so your parents can put a full wage in savings every month just in case one of them lost their job.

Everyone should try to have a good few months savings so they can support themselves in bad circumstances.

grassisjeweled · 30/12/2020 22:30

Totally agree. Should be doable on one salary. The other salary is a bonus.

thisyearsuckssofar · 30/12/2020 22:30

I get what you're saying and it would be ideal to live off one wage and have another for fun money, or safety net money. It's a luxury for most people though. Many, many people need two incomes to live even a basic life without fancy extras. You're speaking from a position of privilege.

I blame it on high living costs. I bought my first flat for a reasonable price at the right time in 2003 and sold for a good price. I noticed it's now selling for three times the amount we paid. Wages haven't increased in the same way. I feel sorry for people starting out, it must be bloody hard.

Original poster
Circumlocutious · 30/12/2020 22:31

@TheGonnagle

We have two incomes but I have a chronic illness that could go tits up at any time. We’ve chosen to keep the smaller house in a crapper area to ensure we could service the mortgage if (when) I can’t work. I’d love to tell you that we’ve saved all the rest but actually we just go on shit loads of holidays in normal times. But those could be trimmed and we could still afford the house if it had to happen. Is that sort of what you mean?
Yeah, this is the sort of thing I mean. Some semblance of a contingency plan. I think having a chronic illness brings it even more sharply into focus though, in a way that doesn’t exist for a lot people.

——

In terms of single parents, I suspect (and I have no evidence for this) that many are less complacent than couples with their spending because they’re aware that their situation is more precarious.

Similarly, you’d think a twin-engine aeroplane is safer than a single one, but actually it has double the chance of failure.

OP posts:
Willfiasco · 30/12/2020 22:31

@Ruled

Let me guess, you're a SAHM with a high earning husband trying to justify your choices, right?
This. You’re onto something that it’s precarious needing 2 incomes to sustain a household but it’s not a choice made at an individual level.
MillieEpple · 30/12/2020 22:32

I think the housing market has adjusted to two FT salaries so unless there is a massive shift this isnt realistic. However i do wish more people were in the position to build a safety net. DH and I were made redundant within a year of each other and redundancy insurance was very restricted. Same with critical life /illness cover. My policy is full of stuff like you have to lose both hands not one or it doesnt cover ptsd.