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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that families who construct their lifestyle around two incomes are living very precariously?

441 replies

Circumlocutious · 30/12/2020 21:48

I’m talking situations where the two incomes are absolutely essential to paying the mortgage and bills. A situation where there is no ‘give’, no flexibility: what if there is a chronic illness in the family, one person can no longer work, school closures (well, you’re seeing it now)? Isn’t this a precarious way to live?

I get that sometimes there may be no other choice, especially when saving up for mortgage. But often it seems like people’s lifestyle - the house they choose to buy, the size of their mortgage, the area they live in, their cars, the schools they pay to send their children to - have adapted to fit around two full incomes, even when they could have made different choices. Many people live fancy lifestyles with no room for error. They can’t scale back their spending without making major changes, eg moving house, which are harder to do once you’re used to your current lifestyle.

AIBU to say that more couples should aim to contain family spending to the level of one earning partner? Is this unrealistic?

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 30/12/2020 22:47

Op. It is what we’ve always done. Lived on one wage and banked the other. But - we have had very modest lives and no children. We have been ridiculed for not having a life - and ridiculed for having flexibility due to having savings.
You can’t ‘win’. So do what’s right for you.

Letsrunabath · 30/12/2020 22:48

My husband and I bought the house we live in now 20 years ago for a very modest price even then. Our incomes have quadrupled in that time, but I was able to take a few years out when the children were pre school and dice returning to work we enjoy adventures and holidays with our children that if we had jumped up the house market our extra money would have went on that.
I do think nowadays 2 parents do need to work (sadly) but don’t overstretch to the point you couldn’t manage 6 or so hard my nths.

audweb · 30/12/2020 22:48

I’m screwed as a single parent. Should I budget to live off half my salary?

I do in fact try to live with a bit of give. Some luxuries would have to go, but I could cut things right down and live tighter if I had to. Been stung before, now just trying to pay off debt and do some savings. It’s stressful, but I have no back up (and no maintenance).

Italianmoma1983 · 30/12/2020 22:48

What a shit op ! Since when building a lives around 2 salaries is precarious ??? Go away op !!

Brumplescruff · 30/12/2020 22:49

I never got maintenance either @audweb. sucks doesn’t it?

I was all set for a bit of breathing room next academic year but child wants to do a professional qualification masters which I’ll have to help with so I’m skintoid for the next 2 years.

PinkiOcelot · 30/12/2020 22:50

In an ideal world.

Londonmummy66 · 30/12/2020 22:51

I'd love to know how any family in London can survive on one "normal" level income. You'd have to be on glue to think that was possible.

Bisquiteen · 30/12/2020 22:51

In an ideal world that would be great but we need to use my earnings - not much but still essential - just to afford the mortgage and bills. We don't do holidays or eat out very often, no takeaways etc so we're not exactly living the high life as it is but we couldn't manage on one salary alone. DH was actually made redundant during the first lockdown but, thank goodness, managed to find another job before our savings ran out so I do feel that finances are precarious but I'm sure we are fairly normal.

jillypill · 30/12/2020 22:52

Often being mortgaged to a hilt is a requirement just to buy a flat in London.

Livelovebehappy · 30/12/2020 22:52

Obviously yabvu. Your theory might work if one of you earns £50k plus a year, but a lot of couples only make that combined, so it would be impossible to pay a mortgage and bills, even on a small house, with just one wage. Most women would prefer to be a sham spending time with their DCs rather than juggle full time work, childcare and everything else. But that’s not a reality for most.

Brumplescruff · 30/12/2020 22:53

Also. I had “constructed my lifestyle” around being married. And having a husband.

He fucked someone else.

Oops.

What do you suggest I do?

Lastfreakinglegs · 30/12/2020 22:53

Well single parents have to rely on one income so you're being v unreasonable.

Brumplescruff · 30/12/2020 22:55

Do you think I can buy insurance to protect me if my husband fucks someone else?

I must google ...

thepeopleversuswork · 30/12/2020 22:57
Grin

Not so easy when you're a lone parent.

Should I live on half my income?

You should try it for a bit and then feel free to throw platitudes around about how other people should live.

Original poster
Circumlocutious · 30/12/2020 22:59

@stovetopespresso

op are you against being overly materialistic, is that your point? being too aspirational, living on a hampster wheel, etc? a lot is due to luck I think.
Partly. It’s not materialism though. I do think that for some people, what begin as ‘choices’ can evolve into lifestyle necessities that are hard to give up. I think there can be a lot of social pressure to live in nice areas and maintain a certain standard of living, and that our spending can inflate to fall in line with that.

But I guess there are other factors too at play, like mortgage lending now based on around two incomes, which make it about more than individual choice.

OP posts:
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 30/12/2020 23:00

We are in a one bedroom flat, in a not so great area(that's being built up so everything is stupidly expensive), have one car (not new) that OH needs for work, 1 child that goes to the school 5 minutes away.

Exactly what else should we cut down or how should we adjust our lifestyle?

Littlepond · 30/12/2020 23:01

We didn’t all marry money, hun.

Jobsharenightmare · 30/12/2020 23:01

I agree OP. I have always made decisions based on the knowledge I might have to stop work due to a particular health issue so deliberately didn't upgrade to a bigger house, buy certain types of cars etc when I could just in case I would need to adapt to significantly less money coming in.

ReefTeeth · 30/12/2020 23:01

I agree OP. When we bought our first house I was 8 months pregnant so we budgeted for one salary.

I knew I'd go back to work because I like working, I just didn't know what that first year would cost us because we'd never owned a house.

Our second home is very modest, but we were unable to get a mortgage when we first moved here.

We have plans to buy a bigger house but we've put that on hold for a while.

This year I've lost my job, and started two new ones (one contract, one perm) and I didn't have to worry at all. I know I'm very lucky as I've always had money sense, not everyone does.

To the single parents on this thread, you're the example OP is talking about. You are generally very aware that it's all up to you, not like a lot of couples who feel 'safe' with their dual incomes.

We bought our first house 10 years ago and the price of houses are rising so quickly that salaries aren't keeping up so most people have no choice but to take out large mortgages and hope for the best.

Brumplescruff · 30/12/2020 23:02

I’m in a shitty area. But it’s a council house secure tenancy and I am grateful to have it.

The only social pressure I had was to get a roof over my head and my kids heads.

Actually take a look at the real world.

Min wage job x 2 isn’t going to get,you on any housing ladder any time soon.

RandomLondoner · 30/12/2020 23:08

Similarly, you’d think a twin-engine aeroplane is safer than a single one, but actually it has double the chance of failure

No, that's wrong, a twin engine plane can fly one one engine, so two engines is safer than one. (Though I did once see a documentary which said that there was no (presumably negligible) safety advantage in having more than two engines.)

Ideasplease322 · 30/12/2020 23:08

I’m all for contingency plans, but his seems to take it to extremes?

My parent always lived in fear that my dad would lose his job. We lived in crappier areas, had rubbish cars, and cheap clothes. I remember always feeling poor and worrying a lot about money as a child. I decided not to go away to university beciase I assumed my parents couldn’t afford it.

They could - they lived off one salary and built up huge savings. Dad worked in a senior position until he was seventy. They have plenty of money in the bank.

Mum now says she regrets living like that, she missed out on so much, we all did.

thevassal · 30/12/2020 23:09

I think that OPs title is a bit badly worded and then people haven't bothered to read her opening paragraph, which explains it better. She isn't saying you should keep the full extra salary as savings, but just that ideally you should try not to spend all of your maximum income. Surely that advice would be the same for one single person?

Makes sense to me - if you earn £70k as a couple after tax and your outgoings are £70k every year because you choose to send your kid to private school and drive a brand new range rover, then it doesn't leave you with much room if something goes wrong - doesn't have to be as drastic as one/both of you losing your jobs completely but even something like a boiler breaking, being put on furlough at 80%, having hours reduced, a late payment for something, having to take emergency time off, getting ill...whatever.

However if you earn 70k but make choices so you only spend £50-60k of that, without significantly damaging your quality of life, e.g. driving an older car, only having a big holiday every other year rather than twice a year, shopping at aldi rather than waitrose, then you will have a bit more of a safety net if something happens to limit your income.

Flowerblue · 30/12/2020 23:10

We bought our house on one income and tended to budget accordingly for a very long time. I suppose if I lost my job we could still just about manage on dh’s income alone as we are still in the same house with one car and one child. Living expenses have gone up faster than wages though.

Goldieloxx · 30/12/2020 23:10

We bought a smaller house in a slightly worse area than we could afford so if one of us loses our job, the other can pay the mortgage alone. Not everyone has that luxury though and we'd still have to rein in spending and just pay the mortgage