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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that families who construct their lifestyle around two incomes are living very precariously?

441 replies

Circumlocutious · 30/12/2020 21:48

I’m talking situations where the two incomes are absolutely essential to paying the mortgage and bills. A situation where there is no ‘give’, no flexibility: what if there is a chronic illness in the family, one person can no longer work, school closures (well, you’re seeing it now)? Isn’t this a precarious way to live?

I get that sometimes there may be no other choice, especially when saving up for mortgage. But often it seems like people’s lifestyle - the house they choose to buy, the size of their mortgage, the area they live in, their cars, the schools they pay to send their children to - have adapted to fit around two full incomes, even when they could have made different choices. Many people live fancy lifestyles with no room for error. They can’t scale back their spending without making major changes, eg moving house, which are harder to do once you’re used to your current lifestyle.

AIBU to say that more couples should aim to contain family spending to the level of one earning partner? Is this unrealistic?

OP posts:
pylongazer · 30/12/2020 21:57

My husband and I both want fulfilling, high earning careers. Should we just live off one income just in case something befalls us? Absolutely not! Surely one income is much much more risky than 2?!

Pukkatea · 30/12/2020 21:58

I don't see much point in shaping your whole lifestyle around the possibility that the worst will happen. Safety nets are important but life is for living now.

PurplePansy05 · 30/12/2020 21:58

By this logic, single people shouldn't live at all, after all it's all too risky on their full income Hmm

badpuma · 30/12/2020 21:58

We live to two incomes, but we both have very secure jobs, 6 months plus paid sick leave and enhanced redundancy and death in service. We're also both working in an area where either one of us could step up the career if necessary and earn much much more if for any reason it became necessary.

ScubaSteven · 30/12/2020 21:58

You have a very narrow view if you believe that the average couple could live on one wage alone.

So patronising.

burblish · 30/12/2020 21:58

The problem with saying you should contain family spending to the earning level of just one of the couple is that that only works if it’s the level of what the lower earner of the couple brings in. How many couples earn enough EACH that the lower earner of the pair could singlehandedly cover the family’s financial needs? Very few indeed, I should imagine, outside of couples who are both high earners. So, your idea just doesn’t work, because most people couldn’t survive on just one income because of the cost of living generally rather than because they’ve been over optimistic in their spending decisions.

Hoppinggreen · 30/12/2020 21:59

If you have a choice it’s ideal to base things on one income, we do, everything I earn is a bonus. However, it’s not possible for everyone to do the same

Terracottasaur · 30/12/2020 21:59

All very well if one salary is sufficient to sustain a family, but the reality is that’s very rare.

Newnamefor2021 · 30/12/2020 21:59

Wow. OP you can't be that clueless. A lot of families need both salaries just to survive.

Livedandlearned · 30/12/2020 21:59

I'll tell DH that we need to be more frugal so we won't miss my salary on the off chance I lose my job. I know what he'll say to that one!

caringcarer · 30/12/2020 21:59

Most families need both parents to work to earn enough to afford house and a few extras. Plus it spreads the risk. If 1 loses their job the other can keep things ticking over while unemployed one gets a new job. If only 1 parent goes out to work, well if they lose their job the family is screwed.

FangsForTheMemory · 30/12/2020 22:00

Not nearly as precarious as living on one.

TipsieM · 30/12/2020 22:00

But not necessarily less precariously than those relying on one income continously provided by the same person (for an extended amount of time)?

More precariously. Ooops.

Quite the opposite in some cases. Unless the partner who isn't earning could generate the same or a similar income as the other partner.

Icenii · 30/12/2020 22:00

And if the one earning family loses their income? Even if both work and one saves their money, often you have a higher earner and if they lose the job then it's still as bad.

Are you jealous?

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 30/12/2020 22:00

When we brought our house, we brought it with exactly that in mind; that one person could cover all bills if anything bad should happen. Then we had 2 children, cost of living went up but our wages didn’t etc and now we rely on both salaries. We do have some wiggle room but definitely bit enough to cover everything. It’s not what we’d like but that’s life. Also as PP said we have life insurance that we’ve worked out would pay off the mortgage and leave the remaining parent a year to figure out their next steps.

AliceinBunniland · 30/12/2020 22:00

YABU

It's nothing to do with you what other people do and a somewhat simplistic view at that.

There are so many factors that are relevant to the financial risks of one's lifestyle.

Original poster
Circumlocutious · 30/12/2020 22:00

@Ruled

Let me guess, you're a SAHM with a high earning husband trying to justify your choices, right?
No, we both work part-time. Smile I didn’t say ‘live on one salary’ - I said contain spending to one salary. We don’t really do that, but yes I guess we avoid some financial commitments that we could afford on both our salaries at full stretch.

It’s Elizabeth Warren’s idea of the two-income trap. Relatively neglected now but does make some sense.

There’s a separate idea that a particular task will take as long as the time you’ve set aside for it, whether that’s two days or two weeks. I wonder if it’s the same with spending: your lifestyle will stretch to accommodate the money that you have available at your disposal.

OP posts:
livefornaps · 30/12/2020 22:01

Uuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhh

blows raspberry

Alternista · 30/12/2020 22:01

We both work full time, I earn less than my DH. We budget so that we can survive on his salary, so mine makes life nicer- savings, holidays etc. We are luckier than many to be able to do that- but equally we didn’t mortgage ourselves to the hilt and we drive older cars etc- I have friends in big houses with new cars on the drive and credit cards maxed out etc where if one of them lost their job they would sink quite quickly. That would keep me awake at night, so we made different choices, but I don’t think one is morally superior to the other- just a difference in the level of risk we’re happy with.

However I also know many couples both working full time or more in low paid jobs just to make rent and feed their kids. Those couples are bloody superheroes.

annevonkleve · 30/12/2020 22:02

Surely building your life around one salary is even more precarious? If I lose my job it's not great, but DH is working and we'd cut our cloth (it has happened). And vice versa.

If it were just DH working, and he lost his job, we'd be in a much bigger pile of poo.

However, I agree that many people live up to their means and beyond, eg 100% mortgages when they were a thing. I never have and have always lived as if I have a lot less money than I do, so I know we can survive if one of us lost our jobs. I do think people should worry less about status and what the neighbours think and make sure they have a safety net (if they can afford to save).

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 30/12/2020 22:02

Really? You can't comprehend how some families can't afford to only live off one income? Some struggle on 2. It's not just a case of people living fancy lifestyles.
You sound like one of those naive people who can't seem to understand that some people/families can't afford to put savings by every month.

coronafiona · 30/12/2020 22:02

It would be impossible, where I live, to live in an area with decent council schools one one salary. I have 3 children and have periods where I'd like to manage alone but it is just not financially possible to buy a 4 bed on my (reasonable) salary and pay the council tax, energy and petrol etc .

Directionerforever · 30/12/2020 22:03

I get a bit uncomfortable when all of our bills add up to more than one income. We usually run on one income covering bills (mortgage, cars, utilities, loan/HP etc) and the other covering food, petrol, savings and shenanigans. Feel confident when we have that balance that if either of us lost our job then we’d be able to take ‘any job’ and be ok. We earn similar amounts though so that wouldn’t work if it was very uneven.

Oysterbabe · 30/12/2020 22:03

Life is about balancing risks. We would struggle on one income in our current house. We live in an expensive area in catchment for outstanding schools. I don't think it would have been better to live in a cheap area with high crime or shit schools so we could still afford our house on the off chance one of us loses our job.

Nicknacky · 30/12/2020 22:03

So are you living on one part time salary and saving the rest?

If not, you are doing exactly what you are criticising others for doing.