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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that families who construct their lifestyle around two incomes are living very precariously?

441 replies

Circumlocutious · 30/12/2020 21:48

I’m talking situations where the two incomes are absolutely essential to paying the mortgage and bills. A situation where there is no ‘give’, no flexibility: what if there is a chronic illness in the family, one person can no longer work, school closures (well, you’re seeing it now)? Isn’t this a precarious way to live?

I get that sometimes there may be no other choice, especially when saving up for mortgage. But often it seems like people’s lifestyle - the house they choose to buy, the size of their mortgage, the area they live in, their cars, the schools they pay to send their children to - have adapted to fit around two full incomes, even when they could have made different choices. Many people live fancy lifestyles with no room for error. They can’t scale back their spending without making major changes, eg moving house, which are harder to do once you’re used to your current lifestyle.

AIBU to say that more couples should aim to contain family spending to the level of one earning partner? Is this unrealistic?

OP posts:
Bourbonbiccy · 31/12/2020 18:27

if you cant afford it dont buy it on credit!!!

My mum used to say if you have to put it on a credit card or finance you can't afford it. I chose to to stick by that to this day.

ganesha · 31/12/2020 18:31

I get what you are saying. We are a two income family, I make more than my partner but save lots whereas he makes less and spends mostly what he makes - as in when we both bought new (second hand!) cars his was double the price of mine.
In this current situation we have been reliant on my savings completely and my income - people always say get a newer car, or you can afford this or things like that but I always feel I need a safety net so would prefer something a little less so I feel more secure x

Zoejj77 · 31/12/2020 18:32

Unless one person earns loads how would that work? If we base it on average wage in UK around £26k per year you could afford much at all in the SE even if you were single - OP must be rich to have such thoughts

Callingallskeletons · 31/12/2020 18:37

Both myself and DH work full time (and have since leaving uni/since DH left college)
I have hit my highest increment now and will not earn more unless given a pay rise by the government (v unlikely) I earn just under 20K

I would LOVE to say we could afford to run a house and live off one income, but shockingly there’s sod all chance of that
We live in a nice area (because the alternative is like the bronx) and our DC have a much better chance here than there

windysocks · 31/12/2020 18:39

I thought most families need 2 incomes!

Nettleskeins · 31/12/2020 18:48

No one is allowed to say this OP, but yes, I've seen evidence of what you describe.
People do choose houses that are only affordable on two incomes,
When there are cheaper houses elsewhere. Say difference between Islington and Tunbridge Wells affordability.

But then it levels out...often as time goes on people make new choices factoring in income streams, suitable jobs, travel.

I would say it is rarer when you start earning to know what is ahead and what can go wrong. People often downsize move elsewhere.

But in a pandemic these choices are forced upon you in a very short timescale, so yes people might well find themselves precariously placed and through no "fault" of their own.

pam290358 · 31/12/2020 18:49

Did it in the 80s and 90s. No choice as that was the only way we could get a mortgage. There were a few hairy moments but we did it and if i remember correctly, mostly with money to spare and we’re now in a much better financial position for having done so. You do what you can at the time.

caspersmagicaljourney · 31/12/2020 18:51

YABU!

So patronising I don't know where to start😖
So what happens to single people then? Lots of those around who only have their own income to live on, some of those single people have to support a family as well.
I think you need to get in the real world.

Nettleskeins · 31/12/2020 18:54

But London is so off the wall expensive that you will get people saying they cannot live on less than £50,000 a year each to afford any house.
They could move somewhere else and earn less, and pay less mortgage of course and it is a choice that many Londoners consider. Whether moving inner to outer, outer to commuter or just "away".

ExpatAl · 31/12/2020 18:55

What do you care? Why are you wasting energy on it? If you don’t want to go the same, don’t.

SuePreem · 31/12/2020 18:58

I think it's far more concerning when a woman gives up her job and relies on her partner. There's so many posts on here where a wife can't afford to leave because she hasn't worked for years, has nothing to fall back on and is reliant on her partner.

Indecisive12 · 31/12/2020 19:01

And back in the real world .....

cherish123 · 31/12/2020 19:09

Probably. I think most people do, though. We earn 4K net per month. Mortgage £300, bills and food/essentials £1500 (including my £250 per month car loan; DH owns car outright), no debt. We have talked of bigger house but not got round to it.

MargosKaftan · 31/12/2020 19:16

Op - im struggling with the idea here - is the ideal that both parents work (with the additional downsides of less time for family/household chores that goes with that), but live the lower lifestyle of just one income, on the off chance one of you loses their job, so you don't feel the drop in lifestyle of the income drop if that theoretically happens and they are unable to get a new job quickly?

So we would live our whole lives as if we were scraping by, just in case one of us lost our job - and then if we get to retirement having never had that happen, we can pat ourselves on the back that while we missed out on lots of life experiences we could easily afford, and had a harder life than we needed, we never ran the risk of feeling their loss if they suddenly went.

Meh, we have savings, but if things go wrong we'll cope then. Your way sounds dull.

Scottishskifun · 31/12/2020 19:17

I don't think people should live to the wire no. Where we live is fine but lots of keeping up with the Jones goes on in towns nearby but everything is on credit. Audi used to be the main car of choice just because everyone drove one including 19 year olds!

Meanwhile we live within our means so have found it easier when redundancies hit. About a quarter of most companies did redundancies up here a few years ago.

But nor do I think it wise to rely on one income. We always now save monthly so that we have a buffer we should really move but I don't want a big mortgage and more stress £600 is perfect for us!

jillypill · 31/12/2020 19:22

But London is so off the wall expensive that you will get people saying they cannot live on less than £50,000 a year each to afford any house.
They could move somewhere else and earn less, and pay less mortgage of course and it is a choice that many Londoners consider. Whether moving inner to outer, outer to commuter or just "away".

TBF though an awful lot of Londoners have no choice but to move away from their families. Lots of people complain about lack of affordable homes for Cornish people or wherever, but there's a lack of sympathy for Londoners. My parents are immigrants, I don't really know other parts of the country as I have zero family here apart from parents. Luckily I can afford to stay.

jillypill · 31/12/2020 19:25

My mum used to say if you have to put it on a credit card or finance you can't afford it. I chose to to stick by that to this day.

You should use credit cards for big purchases, holidays etc as it gives you better protection.

MaskingForIt · 31/12/2020 19:29

@PeteringOut

Wtf so both people should earn but lifestyle should be scaled down to one income? Wtf would you make your life so meagre? Wtf would you have a bank account with a full person’s salary in it? By all means save up and have a bolster that makes you feel secure, but your proposal is miserable and unnecessary. I would rather have to move house than live my whole working life as if I am unpaid.
That’s what we do. We both earn well, and live our lifestyle on about 80 % of the higher income. The rest goes into private pensions, savings and investments. We have a pretty nice life and are happy with what we’ve got.
HancocksSexTears · 31/12/2020 19:35

It might be news to you, but most jobs don't pay enough to support a family...

mummyoneboy19 · 31/12/2020 19:36

I’ve skimmed the thread but read all the OP’s posts so get the general tone of the thread - just want to say... we DO both work, but ensure we live solely on one income. The other income then is for savings/fun stuff.

We have the advantage of living in a relatively cheap area (but remember that wages then reflect that) but managed to save for a house deposit on one full time, minimum wage salary. It can be done (and in the last 5 years too) but I imagine it would be harder post-children, as they’re always demanding things like food and clothing. 😂

Beach11 · 31/12/2020 19:39

Op, clearly lives on a different planet or is a tax dodger

Bakingcupcake · 31/12/2020 19:54

@jillypill

My mum used to say if you have to put it on a credit card or finance you can't afford it. I chose to to stick by that to this day.

You should use credit cards for big purchases, holidays etc as it gives you better protection.

Yes but only if you can afford to pay it when the bill comes in each month otherwise you get stung with interest...thats how many end up in debt!
winniestone37 · 31/12/2020 20:13

It seems to be you just described life. Life is a risk. If you were to bank on one salary what if it was to go t*ts up for both salaries. It happens. You can get insurance, save, ask for help- but this is life. This is kind of a silly post that seems like a covert judgement on people you don’t know.

sabbii · 31/12/2020 20:29

OP - I wouldn't equate the minority who by choice overextend themselves versus the majority who really struggle to make ends meet.
For sure both could make better lifestyle and financial choices but its is stretch to hammer people for having to rely on two incomes. I know of a some who some who have to do earn more than that just to break even.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 31/12/2020 20:41
  1. Insure. Against critical illness, death, disability. If you have obligations and responsibilities
  2. Don’t rack up debt
  3. Downsizing of house and lifestyle is always an option.