To think this year has been shit for all but especially hard for those with one child?

[yesyey]

I have one child not through choice but we were beginning to make peace with it pre covid. We were concentrating on the positives of endless activities lots of play dates travel etc. Then covid hit and it was just the three of us. I like to think we are fun parents but we are both key workers and working full time so when we were in lockdown I felt awful that dd was on her own so much. The whole year has made me feel so bad. We couldn't even see grandparents and when I look at all my friends posting Xmas pics on Instagram I feel like dd is lonely. I should say she never says she is and we have great times together when we aren't working and she is v sociable and happy at the park meeting friends or happy to play with other kids

I just feel like this year has accentuated all the negative emotions and I feel so guilty. I tried to make another sibling for her but it didn't happen and I feel so bad.

Sending you a virtual hug. As long as she knows she's loved, that's what really matters and children are very resilient.

Yes, I feel the same. DS is an only, after one MC and one very traumatic TFMR we decided at the beginning of the year not to try for a second any more, and be happy as a family of three.

Lockdown 1 was tough, I sent DS back to nursery as soon as they re-opened in June as he was missing interaction with other children so much. We’ve had a quiet Christmas and I do wish he had a playmate. He started school in September and thankfully we are not on the list of primaries that will be closed.

DS occasionally asks for a sibling which is hard.

It's not a competition. Lots of people are having a bad time.

I'm sorry you're struggling though.

Is she happy? Is she managing ok?
Has her behaviour/ emotions been ok?

If she's fine then you're worrying for nothing. She won't miss what she doesn't know.

DD is an only and she's been ok. Not great or loved it but ok, went with the flow, had plenty of laughs and fun and socialisation in some form or another.

There's plenty of things to worry /feel guilty about without making up new ones.

Plus what if she had a sibling that she absolutely hated or was really hard work? Stuck together for months on end with no escape?

Sending you hugs.

Actually I think it's better with only one child. Dh and I both work full time too. Dd is 6. I think if she'd has a sibling, there would have been squabbles and arguments. Siblings have got fed up of each other.

I could have written that.

We were making peace that there wouldn’t be a second child, after a second trimester loss, a molar pregnancy, another loss.... like you, compensating with after school activities, clubs etc.

Then lockdown, and whilst we have done our best, she’s lonely. She went back to school as soon as she could, but we have been living with tighter restrictions here for a while now and there’s none of her outside school stuff. And no playing in parks with friends or anything either.

I imagine people stuck at home with five children had a pretty hard time too.

Most people have enough empathy to know that if they’ve found it hard, so have many many others for a variety of reasons. Nobody is the winner of this imaginary suffering completion. Who would want to be?!

I agree - and feel quite strongly that only children should be able to form a bubble in the same way single adults can.

After all, they will have a lower risk from not having a sibling in a different class /school.

I feel the same OP. My DD is only 3 and I promised myself that she would never be lonely (as I was) though lots of activities and play dates. I haven’t been able to anything about that this year, especially as DD was on the original shielding list.

Lots of friends keep saying that they’re so relieved that they have more than one so that they can entertain each other, which is a little insensitive given they know my situation. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I feel guilty too about it my DS being an only child. I know he gets lonely and that's why when he chats to his friends online I'm quite happy for him. He cried when I told him Christmas meant no mixing with his cousins and now his school is remaining closed (primary).
That coupled with me working whilst he's home means my guilt has been massive

Yes our 9 year old DS has struggled. Friends are incredibly important to him and we were both working FT the whole way through first lockdown. I really worried about his MH. School resuming was a godsend. He's retreated to electronics so much and we are still both working FT from home and when school is out it's hard to police.

I have two they are at completely different stages and have no interest in each other it has been hard trying to split myself between them.
Do you know anyone with a young DC to bubble with? As long as she is loved and cared for she has nearly a full house.

Same here. DS has suffered so much not seeing his friends or missing school. He hit a particularly low point during a two week isolation period in October overlapping half term as he couldn't even go out to ride his bike. I'm self employed and up until October I have always worked from home, so he's used to dropping in and out with me during the holidays. I moved into premises although I'm a two minute walk from home and he's old enough to be left at home for a couple of hours and then I see him at lunch and after work, but I'm still around even less. I have had him up at work with me to help a lot so he's not alone.

I think especially is the wrong word, sorry. Family loss, job loss, losing businesses, shielding, kids with major exams, those with kids and no garden, nhs workers, those who live alone, no one has it especially worse we all just have different battles in the shit of covid.

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time though, it’s so bloody hard right now.

I'm sorry you are struggling and YANBU to have found things personally very difficult.

YABU though to decide your hardship trumps anyone else's, there are many people struggling in many different ways and it's shit for everyone struggling.

Have a 2 year old, only child. Not going to nursery as DH has a chronic health condition. It’s difficult in some ways, sure, but I’ve had it far easier than others (working flexible part time hours, so nothing like young children who have been desperately entertained on ipads all day while their full time, frazzled parents try to keep their jobs).

I don’t think you can generalise and say one group has had it tougher than the rest. There are many variables that come into play.

I sympathise completely with secondary infertility, but not sure about the impact of covid. Home schooling 1 has got to be easier than home schooling multiple, all with different needs, lessons etc. And siblings dont always love each other's company when there's no breaks...

OP YABU - I could not disagree more for too many reasons to go into here.

Also decidedly pleased that I only have one child to guide through this shitstorm

I think you have worded this wrong too. This year has been hard for everyone, I'm sorry you are finding it tough but I don't see how it is any different than siblings with large age gaps, siblings that don't get along, siblings that have special needs, the list goes on really.

Friends, family, socialising outside of your immediate family is important to most children not just those without siblings.

As the parent of an only child, I don’t think it’s harder for the parents but I do think it’s harder for the only children. DS didn’t see another child for 3 months during the first lockdown! I do think that only children should be allowed to form a bubble in the same way that single parents can but I get that it would be difficult to put on place as lots of people could argue that their child should be able to form a bubble too.

I was an only child OP and it honestly never bothered me as a child, even during longer breaks from other children like the summer holiday. Like you, my parents made lots of effort to give me time with other children through other ways so I always say I had best of both - playtime with other kids and my parents all to myself at home.

How old is your DD? Can you still go out and meet 1 other parent and child so she gets that outlet? Or a walk in the park with a grandparent?

As a PP says, I think lots of little ones are very resilient. My DS seemed quite happy to be at home during the 1st lockdown (no other children at that point) and just to have more time with me and DH, in his home environment, even though we were working. He's so much more chilled out when at home with us.

I think sometimes it's easy to paint a picture of wonderful sibling relationships and feel your DD is missing out but I've seen lots (both young and old) where it hasn't been like that and the child probably wished they were an only! Your DD may have been miserable at home with a sibling that she wasnt getting on with.

She sounds very contented from what you describe and you sound like great parents which is all she needs

Yes l felt like this too OP but friends with more than one child say the arguments are on a whole new level and l am grateful l don't have that to contend with. How old is your child? I have relaxed my rukes on screen time and she spends a lot of time chatting to her class friends and says to me regularly that she is really happy being at home.

@Redcherries “I think especially is the wrong word, sorry. Family loss, job loss, losing businesses, shielding, kids with major exams, those with kids and no garden, nhs workers, those who live alone, no one has it especially worse we all just have different battles in the shit of covid.”

This sums it up for me! I live on my own and have lost 3 close family members this year including my dad and my gran and am struggling through but am aware that other people are also having a shit time. It is not a competition and I wish people would stop trying to turn it to “who’s had it worse”!!!!!

No I don't think it's been worse for one child families. I have two and they've struggled as much as anyone else, as have I. It's been utterly awful for absolutely everyone in different ways, so I don't think it's fair to rank it. Sorry you're struggling, it's a pile of shit it really is.

Maybe it is because you wanted another child you are feeling the guilt possibly?

We are a gang of 3 and made the conscious choice to have one child.

Luckily though, I've worked from home throughout lockdown, so I do feel fortunate about that.

Dd is 12 now, chats with her friends online and plays computer games with them. She has never been upset about feeling lonely and she is very open with her feelings and would have said.

We absolutely love our life.

I felt I have to give the other side of having one child, because for some reason, people seem to think all only children are sad, lonely, hard done by kids, whose life would be much improved by having a brother or sister.

It's not always necessarily the case.