To think this year has been shit for all but especially hard for those with one child?

[yesyey]

I have one child not through choice but we were beginning to make peace with it pre covid. We were concentrating on the positives of endless activities lots of play dates travel etc. Then covid hit and it was just the three of us. I like to think we are fun parents but we are both key workers and working full time so when we were in lockdown I felt awful that dd was on her own so much. The whole year has made me feel so bad. We couldn't even see grandparents and when I look at all my friends posting Xmas pics on Instagram I feel like dd is lonely. I should say she never says she is and we have great times together when we aren't working and she is v sociable and happy at the park meeting friends or happy to play with other kids

I just feel like this year has accentuated all the negative emotions and I feel so guilty. I tried to make another sibling for her but it didn't happen and I feel so bad.

I agree it is tough for single children but your post sadly perpetuates the myth that parents who choose to stop at one are selfish for doing so. It is such a hurtful mentality.

Race to the bottom? Being a widow with a single child and no family within 200 miles is shite. Add to that I am a key worker as well. To be honest I am very worried for my child's mental health but I am also very worried for the children on my case load. Their life was shite pre-covid due to years of austerity. If parents have managed to get mental health or addiction support this has largely been via phone since March. Same with most intensive family support, we only now refer to agencies that will actually go in and work with children and families and as the LA fund this I am not sure the others will survive.

We have an only child DS(5) and not entirely through choice. The first lockdown became absolutely awful towards the end and I think he became borderline depressed with the social isolation, as well as his behaviour just went through the floor.

While this year has been so hard in many respects for DS I don’t believe for one second that he had it worse than anyone else because he’s an only child. He is young and resilient, as are most children, and with support and love he will hopefully come through this pandemic as unscathed as possible.

I’ve seen and heard, both from friends and family as well as read on MN, of the absolute hell that some people have gone through for various reasons - and many of those may not have support and love from their family and friends.

Let’s not turn this into a competition of who had/has it worse.

@formerbabe I think the choice is simple, if you were given two choices, choice 1 kids taken away from you so you could be alone forever or kids always being there- get the gist?

I think the choice is very simple but I think you’re not putting that across in your message too well (I mean this kindly) and may trigger others who will
Forever be alone bcos they’ve had various losses /and or cannot have kids.

Also agree the competitive misery doesn't help anyone. I know more than one person with two children who fight like cat and dog. Personally I've been completely on my own (including Christmas Day). Other people have of course lost jobs or loved ones - or both.

In terms of secondary infertility, I get that it's upsetting and disappointing but - at the risk of making it a competition! - I do think you're more fortunate than people who aren't able to have children at all.

Especially hard for those worth one child? Nope.
Another one here who had to try and home school one primary age child while managing a spirited toddler. Your child sounds old enough to have some understanding of the virus and the reason why it wasn’t possible to leave the house?
Neither of mine did. They argued constantly. Both had their needs compromised continuously. Never got my full attention. And managing both was exhausting.

I honestly think the more children you have, the harder you had it during this.

*with one child

I am sorry you feel this way. I would suggest you think of a way to deal with this by speaking to a therapist. I think you are romanticizing the whole idea of siblings. I can honestly say that my sister and I never played and only ever fought. We hardly speak as adults too. This was one of the key reasons I only had one child by choice.
As for Covid and the situation around it, our DD loves having us both home. We meet up with other friends (one on one basis as permitted), go out to the woods, playgrounds, etc. She tells us she’s happy and doesn’t want a sibling anyway.
Please don’t take it negatively, but try to find some positives in this terrible situation. Let go of the guilt and use that energy on something else x

It’s hard for everyone, I’m sorry you’re not finding it that easy. However, one child is relatively easy to manage, more than one child is hard. Really hard.

@Scautish I don’t think the OP is trying at all to say her situation is worse than all others.

I think you need to re-read ops message title. She says ‘especially’. Had op said it’s been hard for everyone and for us too, in this way.. that has a different meaning entirely.

If Op/people like them are going to put out triggering messages then they need to accept the responses they’ll get.

I’m sorry you’ve found it tough - and it does sound tough. But yes, yabu to think it’s been especially tough for people in other circumstances. For many - businesses, those on their own with no children or partner, those who’ve lost family members, those who’ve lost jobs it’s been really tough. It’s not a competition. It’s been shit for you and it’s been shit for many many others.

I’m an only child. It’s lonely forever...but it’s not your fault and you can’t change it now.

I don’t think the pandemic has been worse for only children.

I think it's hard for different family set ups for different reasons.
For example,.

I'm a single parent. 2 teens. If they got stuck with work in lockdown1 I wasn't always able to help them. English, biology or history. Yep sure. I'm good at those. Maths, chemistry, physics, anything to do with computers l - not a hope in hell. Luckily DS1 could help DS2 a bit, and between us we can Google and figure things out. And of course they are old enough to let me have 1-1 time with the other. But there's no way they've had the same standard of education as they should have done.

DB and SIL have 3 littles. One was school age in Lockdown1. 2 are now. In terms of the level of education they can teach them easily. But trying to teach one whilst keeping 2 others occupied was hard. Especially when DB went back to work.

DSis is a single parent of 1 child in year 1. Easy to homeschool one small one. DN has thrived! But DSis is mentally exhausted. DN wants entertaining all the time and doesn't have a sibling to play with.

We've all had it hard for different reasons!

There is no ideal and I’m sorry you are struggling. I feel terrible for my eldest as the two little ones fighting have been incredibly hard for her when she needs space and is a peaceful child. Plus my own struggles being dragged down by too many kids and a stressful job trying to do it all alone.

Give yourself a break, your child is loved and cared for and that’s enough

I think that you have to separate your guilt from the situation (and also the perception that you have failed, there may still be hope). Some siblings have coped better because of each other, some have wound each other (and their parents) up the wall with the constant screaming and arguing!

All through Lockdown 1 I was so glad I only had one child as I could homeschool him with my full attention (around work etc) and wasn't trying to work out and enforce two or more different curriculums and competing sets of needs! Also there was no-one for him to fight and bicker with locked up together in a confined space for months.

It has been especially hard for lots of people. It’s not a competition.

My parent is dying in the middle of this.

My child is on the front line of this as an Hcp working in ITU and I haven’t seen them since February.

My youngest has had their schooling and first year of uni completely fucked up

I’ve not had treatment I should have had for a progressive condition. Nor the review appointments for a life changing injury I had.

My friend has lost her mum.

My other friend has lost an aunt and an uncle.

I wouldn’t say you have it too bad from where I’m sitting.

I'd give anything to spend a day alone right now.

Not sure this is the most sensitive way for someone with two kids to respond to a poster who's just said they are alone and infertile.

It has been especially hard for lots of people. It’s not a competition.

We are putting DS in nursery a year early because his social development is worrying me a bit now. Plus he's showing some markers for autism and getting an appointment with the HV is basically impossible at the minute. He's literally just socialised with me his dad and his nan (very healthy in her early 50's and our childcare and support bubble) for the best part of a year. I feel shit for him.

@44PumpLane

I'm sorry you are struggling and YANBU to have found things personally very difficult.

YABU though to decide your hardship trumps anyone else's, there are many people struggling in many different ways and it's shit for everyone struggling.

This. I'm a single mum of three who was trying to work full time this year. My ex can't handle the kids at night due to health issues, so takes 2 of them at a time for a few hours only on the weekend and even then, being at home with only one feels like bliss sometimes, to have the calm and be able to give proper attention. And I'm hardly the worst off either.

Of course, there are huge challenges with having one too, but please believe that if you'd both been trying to work from home with 2+ children it would almost certainly have meant loads of squabbling and trying to split homeschool/care two ways, not hours of them playing together joyfully.

As others have said, can you form a childcare or social bubble with another family?

It’s really not as simple as that

We have a two year old and my partner and I are both wfh. My DD hates nursery and she is at home since December. She’s a bundle of joy- I think it’s an unusual year that we get to spend more time with our child and partner so I’d rather enjoy it. we can’t see my parents or in laws but we can still get to see them via video calls.

@Pancakeorcrepe I agree.

I think your post is quite entitled to be honest.

Why do you think you've had it worse because you've got one child?

Sympathies go out for the fact you're struggling but what about people that are single and are not able to have any company for instance, people that have lost businesses, there are many situations that are struggling right now not just people with one child.

I feel the same, op.
We have one toddler Dd, not through choice. Would’ve liked more.
Up until lockdown she was living a fantastic life with swimming lessons on Saturdays, play groups on Fridays, meet up with friends with toddlers through the week and birthday parties. I’d made a concerted effort to push these things, now not even the playgrounds are open. She seems happy enough but I worry so much with us coming up to a year without any of the normal things children have, I’m sad for her and she’s on the waiting list for nursery a couple of days per week, just to have some socialisation