To think this year has been shit for all but especially hard for those with one child?

[yesyey]

I have one child not through choice but we were beginning to make peace with it pre covid. We were concentrating on the positives of endless activities lots of play dates travel etc. Then covid hit and it was just the three of us. I like to think we are fun parents but we are both key workers and working full time so when we were in lockdown I felt awful that dd was on her own so much. The whole year has made me feel so bad. We couldn't even see grandparents and when I look at all my friends posting Xmas pics on Instagram I feel like dd is lonely. I should say she never says she is and we have great times together when we aren't working and she is v sociable and happy at the park meeting friends or happy to play with other kids

I just feel like this year has accentuated all the negative emotions and I feel so guilty. I tried to make another sibling for her but it didn't happen and I feel so bad.

Try home schooling a reception child while you also have a two year old and a three year old to keep entertained. Throughout lockdown I felt like I was failing all three all of the time. At times I've envied friends who only have one child and can give that child their full attention and proper help with their school work.
However, I have a garden, my husband's job has been unaffected and I am a SAHM so although it has been a struggle at times I know I have it easier than a lot of people.

@MrsHarveySpecterV

Try home schooling a reception child while you also have a two year old and a three year old to keep entertained. Throughout lockdown I felt like I was failing all three all of the time. At times I've envied friends who only have one child and can give that child their full attention and proper help with their school work. However, I have a garden, my husband's job has been unaffected and I am a SAHM so although it has been a struggle at times I know I have it easier than a lot of people.

This was me! But only one toddler so hats off to you ❤️

Yes, DS is an only, through choice, but normally we do lots of playdates and see family/friends often. During the first lockdown when school closed he didn't see another child for months. I never feel guilt, as an only child myself it never bothered me but no one could have predicted this!

I agree with another poster in that it is probably more hard for an only child than if is for the parents. You can home school one child easily enough, fork out activities for them and give them your sole attention. Parents of multiple children cannot do the above as easily. There are no winners in 2020, if has been a crap year for most of us.

No, of course it hasn’t been particularly shit for those with one child! It’s been shit for those whose parents died, or lost their jobs or homes, or who don’t have enough to eat, for those who have had their life-saving treatment stopped, etc. You seem to have no idea how really shit things have been.

No it is not especially hard for people with one child. Try having three or four children being stuck at home and they are all fighting then you would know what especially hard is

Yabu!
It's shit being alone and infertile!
It's shit for all my friends who lost parents!
etcetc

@Redcherries

I think especially is the wrong word, sorry. Family loss, job loss, losing businesses, shielding, kids with major exams, those with kids and no garden, nhs workers, those who live alone, no one has it especially worse we all just have different battles in the shit of covid.

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time though, it’s so bloody hard right now.

Think this hits the nail on the head.

I have 2 DC. One is autistic. This situation has been very hard for all of us, including my non-autistic DC. Would it have been easier and more pleasant for my non-autistic DC to have been an only child during this time? Probably, but that's not our reality.

I don't rate my situation against anyone else's. There are many many shitty situations at the moment.

Us too. DD (8) is a single, not by choice. We could have another but the risk of birth defects is really high due to medication I'm on. DD also has suspected ASD (it's pretty obvious but await proper diagnosis) & didn't cope well at all over summer. She virtually stopped talking at one point, & although she's usually really sociable & loves school, was terrified of going back, she's developing a phobia of germs and crowds, & we have had several months of toilet refusal & a lot of accidents.

I can't fault people for wanting the schools closed, especially in high transmission areas, & I think teaching staff (amongst others) have had woefully inadequate support throughout this. But another extended closure will be a disaster for DD. I'm sure there are lots of others in a similar situation.

I’m not sure about that - I reckon those with five children might have found it a bit harder than those with only one to entertain, homeschool and generally look after!

I think it might be hard for only children but I’m not sure it’s that hard for their parents.

I do get it - I have two children at different stages (5 year gap) who don’t have much in common, so have really missed the company of children their own age. It’s like having two only children in some ways.

My DS is an only, hes 3 in a month and it's been hard.

I'm used to being out with him, play dates, soft plays, parks but this year- none.
I'm paying for him to go to nursery in January although hes free hours dont start til april, he just needs the interaction.

He still sees his cousins though which is a bonus.

It's hard for everyone, and itll be hard for people with multiple kids, they're in their rooms on computers or fighting

If it helps I have two dc and they bicker CONSTANTLY! I genuinely wake up every morning dreading the day ahead because of it. Thank heavens the youngest is back to school next week...I'm fed up of playing referee

I don't know that it's been especially hard for me, but I do feel for DS spending most of the year with only adult company. That's pretty hard for a 7 year old, and put him back socially I think.

@alltoomuchrightnow

Yabu! It's shit being alone and infertile! It's shit for all my friends who lost parents! etcetc

Sorry to hear that.

It's hard for so many of us for so many reasons.

I'd give anything to spend a day alone right now.

No idea what's worse really...being alone or never being alone?

I think like anything OP there are pros and cons. I'm sorry you feel bad about it. From another perspective I have 2, 3 and 5.5. They do play together and provide some company for each other. But they also have to be supervised most of the time so they dont hurt each other, more so than when they are playing on their own. I feel guilt over the 5 year olds education, if it had just been her we would have been able to do a lot of educational activities in lockdown. But the 3 year old demands so much attention and is always trying to grab her worksheets etc at best on a good day it would be half an hour. And I've given up on any educational activities with the little one as well, when the older one was her age she could write her name etc but we just havent had the time. Also exercise, the little one is at the age where she hates buggies and cant walk far so the older ones exercise has been limited. And finally seeing family. The older one can social distance, she understands it and will comply with it when she sees grown ups. But she hasn't been able to because the little one hasn't been able to do it so we have had to avoid family (live fairly far away so not easy just to occupy one child and pop round with the other).

I think having just one DC this year has made the only child guilt worse than it has ever been, and that’s been hard for sure. I can think of a lot of people who are much worse off than us though and although it’s not a competition to see who is worse off, it’s certainly not us!

Yep. Another one here saying YABU and if there's one thing we all should have learned this year is that competitive misery is not helpful at all. So your child has missed a few playdates? Lots of children have lost a parent or grandparent, lots of children with SEN have suffered significant loss of routine and education, lots of children with multiple siblings, uninterested parents or living in extreme poverty have gone hungry, ignored and been let down hugely. I can't feel much sympathy as your child is loved, cared for and coping ok. Although I recognise that you are suffering in your own way with loss and for that

No I don't think it's been worse for one child families. I have two and they've struggled as much as anyone else, as have I. It's been utterly awful for absolutely everyone in different ways, so I don't think it's fair to rank it. Sorry you're struggling, it's a pile of shit it really is

I agree.

I have two kids, but they are chalk and cheese. Normally they manage as different friends, activities etc. But lockdown and being cooped up together has been hell. Constant fighting, one has “left home” 3 times because they don’t want to be in the same house, etc etc.

It’s tough on everyone, but we are healthy (with only minor bruising so far )

I feel the guilt. My dd is 4 and we've been trying for a dc2 for 3 years now. The first lockdown was awful as my dh was out at work and I was working from home so ignored her for most of the day! Now she's in reception I feel much better that she's socialising with others. That's what's made the difference for me this time. I think this is all shit for most people in various ways. Things will eventually get better.

I think it's a reflection of your unresolved feelings around your family size, it might be very hard for your, it might be equally hard for a larger family for different reasons. I wished we'd caught with the babies a year later in a way, lockdown 1 would have been easier but I know that's ungrateful. I just think too many people struggle for too many different reasons to Top Trumps it.

I hope you're doing ok

I think you’re getting some really hard comments here OP. I have two kids - who fortunately get on - and I realise how much this has helped both of them during lockdown/restrictions. I think it must be much much harder with only one.

I don’t think the OP is trying at all to say her situation is worse than all others. Of course those who have lost people, suffered financial hardship etc have suffered massively too. But to watch your single child suffer mentally because they are lonely must be extremely hard.

It will be over soon(ish) OP - and your DD will be fine as she knows she is loved.

I have four and they bring their own challenges :) but they aren't lonely and they entertain each other they spent the afternoon sliding down snowbanks in salopettes and rolling a ginormous snowball and it was charming and lovely. However when the squabbling starts I wonder why I quit drinking....

No, I don’t agree. I lost my son shortly after his birth at the beginning of this year. So no, I don’t think you have it tough, I think you’re a lucky SOB and I would do anything including just have the one child of it meant I got him back.

Additionally, I don’t believe what I have gone through trumps anyone’s pain. There are a lot of people who have lost loved ones, can’t afford food for their kids, third world countries especially are having a shit old time etc. Honestly OP, I think you need to reflect on your post and come out of your bubble. I accept my post is harsh but you need it

I have one dd aged 2.5 years and she is only just starting to develop social interaction skills. At the start of March lockdown she was under 2 and I think she was happy just hanging out with me all day (I'm a sahm), as even when I took her to toddler classes she would only observe other children and not really interact with them. I registered her with a nursery as soon as I could (in June) to make sure she had some opportunity to play with other children, she attends 3 days a week now. I think that is enough for her really, she doesn't seem lonely but she does demand mine and DH's attention a lot and wants us to play with her (which luckily we have time to do, although DH is wfh). We also got back into toddler classes when we were able to (in Tier 4 now so not possible) and take her out every day to places where she can see other children and families (although even in playgrounds she is more interested in playing with me and DH than any other dc).

I have never really felt the only child guilt thing though as it was a positive decision for us. In many ways I think it would be harder with more than one, because DD wouldn't be able to choose exactly what she can do or where she wants to go, if she had to compromise with the needs of a sibling, and she would have to share my attention with another child.

Don't make the mistake of thinking all siblings are besties. Or even friends. Mine take no notice of each other, or argue. I'd say of my friends with multiple kids, yes, some siblings get on, but most don't. And homeschooling is definitely easier the less you have.
But, worst is, don't make this in to a competition. It isn't helpful.