To think this year has been shit for all but especially hard for those with one child?

[yesyey]

I have one child not through choice but we were beginning to make peace with it pre covid. We were concentrating on the positives of endless activities lots of play dates travel etc. Then covid hit and it was just the three of us. I like to think we are fun parents but we are both key workers and working full time so when we were in lockdown I felt awful that dd was on her own so much. The whole year has made me feel so bad. We couldn't even see grandparents and when I look at all my friends posting Xmas pics on Instagram I feel like dd is lonely. I should say she never says she is and we have great times together when we aren't working and she is v sociable and happy at the park meeting friends or happy to play with other kids

I just feel like this year has accentuated all the negative emotions and I feel so guilty. I tried to make another sibling for her but it didn't happen and I feel so bad.

Sorry if my comment was insensitive.

I'm an introvert...I genuinely find it torturous to never be alone...it's hard to explain.

Sorry for everyone going through hard times

I do worry. My youngest is 4. My eldest two are teens so in some ways the youngest is an only, they don't play together. I can see differences in how he interacts with other children compared to where his siblings were at this age, but then again he's not stopped being his happy chatty self. It's like he's stuck at late 2 or 3. He will happily engage any adult in "conversation" and wants someone playing with him all the time at home. But around other children he's still playing alongside rather than with. His last playdate was when he was 3 he is going to be 5 soon. He's been to three children's parties in his whole life! We were anticipating that sort of thing once school started!
On the flipside of this I recall how much school / friends etc seemed to push my older two into growing up more quickly. He is friendly And appears happy at school so far, I'm not sure it's the worst thing that he's been around us so much more.

The older two have however had far too much time together. I don't know if you have a sibling yourself but it's amazing how they know exactly how to hurt you. Succinctly and completely. Sibling abuse has shot up.massively in society and as much as I constantly stamp it out it is exacerbating the collapse of the mh of one of my children.

And of course the stress of dealing with arguing fighting children can be very sapping.

I'm sure you DC feels loved and happy with you as parents. I apperciate it's been hard but I can't see how it is worse though, I mean some people have 2 or more DC that would have done nothing but fight. Some people (like my DM) have been alone for the best part of the year, not able to see anyone and also suffering from another illness. Some people have severe mental health issues that have been severely exasperated by this whole situation. Some people have new babies and haven't been able to make a network of parent-friends or attend a baby group which is very isolating. It's been a shit show for everyone, there is no one group that has had it worse than others because all situations are different.

I've never understood why being an only child is referred to as a sort of disadvantage. You might find that your daughter is coping well in the current situation even, because she is used to her own company and entertaining herself. I'm sorry that you feel guilty (and I don't suppose a random on the internet telling you this will help!) but I have never once wished for a sibling, nor has my dad who is also an only child.

I think it would have been better for my 4yo if she’d been an only during lockdown. Her baby sister needed a lot of attention, destroyed her stuff and couldn’t play with her. The 4yo found it very tough indeed. Another 9m has made a big difference but the little one is still probably just tolerated rather than being a playmate yet. The other day she said she wished she’d not been born. Give it another year and I suspect they will be as thick as thieves but a sibling wouldn’t have necessarily made lockdown better for your child. It could have made it worse.

@DinoGreen. Your DS wants a playmate, he thinks he'd have one if he had a sibling, but so often that's not true. Please try not to feel bad.

Thanks for all the comments. Perhaps I didn't phrase my post well .. obviously there are people who are having a far more shit time if it than us with illness and job losses and bereavements and I wasn't trying to start a misery competition. I just meant that this year has accentuated all the bad things about having one when I had been trying hard to compensate for it all with all the good things until now. DD misses her friends and she liked being at busy households with lots of kids on play dates and it's hard leaving the park and seeing her friends going home with their siblings to play with .. but she will be fine..it's me that is struggling with the guilty feelings .. I was looking for people who felt the same.. probably shouldn't have posted on AIBU! Sorry for everyone struggling .. it is awful for everyone

I'm a single parent of two children with additional needs. Two parents, one child is not comparable.

It does sound like guilt talking tbh. I think you should try to focus on the positive aspects of having one child rather than the negatives. No arguing, no trying to homeschool three different children at the same time while wfh, no having to cook different meals because there's always one child who doesn't like what we're eating etc.

Its OK to feel how you feel but I don't think you have any right to say that you have had it harder than others.

My 6 year old is really struggling. No young children on our road, school is outside the 5km radius,
We both work full time.
He was crying and acting out a lot. We both took unpaid leave to spend time with him
He was crying that he had no friends and no one liked him.
For the first tiime ever he asked why he has no siblings.
It heartbreaking
We all know people with different issues and problems but that doesn't mean 1 child families are not allowed have bit of bitch moan whine

Oh @yesyey I really feel for you. My best friend is in exactly the same position.I have three children (though one is a baby) and I honestly believe it was easier for me as the children entertained each other. Of course it was easier on them too as they had each other during the times I couldn't.

Easier said than done but please try not to feel guilty. There's nothing you can do about it. I feel terrible that I married and set up my family near my husband's hometown instead of my own. His Mum has since died, his Dad loved and he fell out with his brother. My family who I'm very close to live a 4 hour flight away and I haven't been able to see them all year. I feel so guilty that I have robbed them of time with extended family. But I can't change it now (if ever) so I'm trying my best to accept it and not beat myself up. Try to focus on the benefits to your daughter eg. That she will learn to be independent, develop a good imagination and be comfortable on her own.

Yabu. It's easier with one.

Yabu

@elizabethdraper

My 6 year old is really struggling. No young children on our road, school is outside the 5km radius, We both work full time. He was crying and acting out a lot. We both took unpaid leave to spend time with him He was crying that he had no friends and no one liked him. For the first tiime ever he asked why he has no siblings. It heartbreaking We all know people with different issues and problems but that doesn't mean 1 child families are not allowed have bit of bitch moan whine

Everyone's allowed a moan. But not to say that their setup is 'especially' hard, when it just isn't, compared with some of the many truly backbreaking challenges out there.

It must be hard to have a child who wants siblings for the first time. My eldest wished for the first time that his two younger siblings had never been born, and that his dad could move back in because 'mummy never has time for me anymore'. There's not greener grass on the other side, really.

Sorry I can’t agree, I have 4 and everyone always assumes children play and all get on, mine have done nothing but fight the entire time. And it’s been incredibly hard being locked down with 4 kids (single parent) one would be a walk in the park for me, also trying to do home learning with 4 kids isn’t easy and trying to keep 4 kids happy and entertained.

It’s extremely difficult to do home learning with 3 children and look after a toddler as well, someone always has it worse not sure why you think you have it harder than anyone. I’m a single parent I haven’t had a break this whole time don’t even have another adult to talk to.

We have one child. She’s managed just fine. I’m hearing a fair few stories of siblings who used to get on ok who are now fighting like cat and dog all the time. One of DD’s friend’s mum is really struggling to get them back how they were but they just can’t stand to be with each other.

Lockdown is hard for people in lots of different ways. I’m not sure it’s possible to say one group have it harder than an other.

@Givemeabreak88 sounds tough! please don't put pressure on yourself to home school, sometimes you just have to survive. your kids will keep up somehow.

I have 9 siblings and I was often very lonely as a child. Having siblings doesn’t automatically mean you are friends.

openallthetime thank you my oldest two have autism so it’s impossible anyway, dd has full 1:1 at school but somehow I meant to home school all 3 and look after a toddler, she will never catch up sadly she is already significantly behind, I’m terrified of the schools closing but sadly seem inevitable then I will be at home with 4 children all day with zero break, so to the op some people might
Look at you and feel it’s better for you as you only have one, it’s hard for everyone.

@Givemeabreak88 it doesn't matter about them keeping up. Just try to stay sane and look after you that's all you can do and the most important thing. please be kind to yourself. Whatever will be, will be. It doesn't matter if they aren't caught up. They will be ok x

openallthetime thank you

I can understand your argument but think you’re romanticising the reality of multiple siblings.

Like @Tiquismiquis I have a four year old and a baby. The baby crashes around destroying all her elder brother’s games, we can’t do crafts or anything fiddly together as she needs constant watching to stop her killing herself! In the first lockdown it was constant feeds, having to sit down while my eldest wanted someone to run about with him. So it depends on the ages, a baby is no help as a playmate for most children.

YABU

I've been having chemo this year while homeschooling 4 kids (3 primary 1 secondary, who happens to have learning difficulties). We didn't step outside of the door for 21 weeks during the first lockdown. There was no walk, bike ride, jog etc. They managed. We managed. It was tough but what choice was there.

What I will say is that until this year, I have been lucky when it comes to my kids getting along. That all changed when they couldn't escape each other for months on end. I am now regularly brought to tears with the incessant bickering that goes on between them.

On top of that, in April, my oncologist decided he wanted to stop my treatment. I had to fight, cry and beg for it to continue. He was worried about the risks covid posed to me. I was more worried about the risk the tumour in my brain posed to me. I'm thankful that he agreed to postpone a couple of rounds to get past the peak then he let me continue with it.

Today I cried when I heard the news about the schools (both my primary and secondary are shut) because I know what hell I've got ahead of me trying to homeschool 4 children at different stages on my own. I am scared I'm going to let down my eldest as I don't know how to teach a child with his difficulties.

So this is why I think YABU. No one has this easy. But you don't have this especially hard to be honest. It's quite insulting to others that you feel your rough ride trumps everyone else. Why would anyone wish to be the most hard done by 🤷🏼‍♀️