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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Vegan gift.

531 replies

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 17:11

It was my birthday over the Christmas period; my friend - who is quite the "militant vegan" - has sent me some chocolates through the post which is really lovely and thoughtful of her.

However upon opening the chocolate I have found that it is vegan and gluten-free. I am neither of these things. I'm grateful for the thought but sadly this gift will go to waste as it is not something I'd eat.

I probably sound massively ungrateful but I really do appreciate the thought - the only reason I'm a bit irked by it is because I bend over backwards to only buy vegan, ethical products for my friend that I know she will use. She hasn't reciprocated this and has instead bought me something she would like, not me.

AIBU or just truthful? My DH understands why I am put out but I feel really ungrateful - if anything I'm more annoyed that this gift will go unused and my friend will have ultimately wasted her money.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 30/12/2020 17:29

If you try it and don’t like it then absolutely fair enough.

However to reject it without trying it purely on the basis of it being vegan is unreasonable and a bit childish.

PurpleDaisies · 30/12/2020 17:29

@Ylvamoon

Don't bother, Vegan Chocolate is vile. 🤮
You’ve tried all of it? Recently?
Ginfordinner · 30/12/2020 17:29

Is it Booja-Booja?

They are lush - incredibly chocolatey truffles. They don't taste "worthy" or "knit your own lentils" at all, but like luxurious, plain chocolate truffles, which is what they are. They are also expensive. Don't eat them, and send them to me.

I am an omnivore BTW, but I don't have bigoted, ignorant and preconceived ideas about vegan foods.

Totally understand. Gluten free and vegan versions of treat products are not as enjoyable as the normal versions

I'm sure some are, but to write off everything like that is a ridiculous comment.

HappyRaven · 30/12/2020 17:29

Maybe she couldn't buy you milk chocolate or anything not suitable for vegans because it probably goes against her beliefs to give money to the dairy industry. Just a thought.

SoupDragon · 30/12/2020 17:29

I have very, very rarely found that something that would ordinarily have gluten in it is as good when it’s a gf version.

I would mostly agree with that, although I actually prefer a GF pizza base.

hibbledibble · 30/12/2020 17:31

Try it, you might like it. Lots of vegan chocolate is delicious.

Disliking something just because it is vegan, is rediculous. Many items in your cupboard are vegan.

It does seem like you are digging for a reason to be offended.

PurpleDaisies · 30/12/2020 17:31

Gluten free is a total red herring here.
Chocolate does not normally have gluten in it.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 30/12/2020 17:31

YABVU , ungrateful and petty. Grow up.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 30/12/2020 17:31

I wouldn't expect a vegan to buy non-vegan products, even as gifts. However, I think if I were a vegan, I'd avoid buying vegan-labelled gifts for people in case it came across as a touch judgy, and just stick to things that are vegan by default, like a nice fruit basket or a good book.

Nanny0gg · 30/12/2020 17:31

Why would someone ditch their ethical beliefs to buy you something?

And clearly she's bought something that's perfectly suitable for a non-vegan.

I think you're being really ungrateful

Barmyfarmy · 30/12/2020 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

midlifecrash · 30/12/2020 17:32

If I was vegan I would be more likely to give a vegan product because I would know if it was good, rather than some random dairy chocolate I hadn't tasted

Greenandcabbagelooking · 30/12/2020 17:32

Cadbury's bournville is vegan.

YABU - try the chocolate.

movingonup20 · 30/12/2020 17:33

Most chocolate is gf. Most dark chocolate is vegan. What's the issue?

EnjoyingTheSilence · 30/12/2020 17:33

If she’s vegan she isn’t going to buy non vegan chocolates is she. Either try them or give them to someone else

Ginfordinner · 30/12/2020 17:33

Well done on taking it on the chin OP. I appear to have cross posted with a few Booja-Booja chocolate lovers.

Please try the chocolates and report back.

Scarlettpixie · 30/12/2020 17:33

Yabu. If your friend is vegan it is against her beliefs to buy non vegan products not just avoid eating them herself. Being vegan is a lifestyle not just a diet. Surely you can see why she feels unable to buy you animal products.?!

I have bought my non vegan friend a vegan candle for Christmas because (being vegan) I have had them in the past and they are really lovely. I am positive she won’t be offended by it.

Lots of vegan chocolates are amazing especially the dark truffle types like booja booja. Cheap vegan chocolate is mostly awful but I doubt that is what you have been bought.

What have you received?

Mrstwiddle · 30/12/2020 17:34

I’m with you OP, I’d be annoyed too, the vegan chocolate/biscuits I’ve tried are not as nice as non vegan.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 30/12/2020 17:35

Maybe she bought it in the hope you'd graciously try it, find out how nice it is, and love it as much as she does? I'm sure if she's vegan she already knows what's good and what's meh when it comes to chocolate. If it's Booja Booja, that stuff's quite expensive compared to milk chocolate, she probably thought she was getting you a lovely treat that you could try without having to risk your own money on accidentally buying bad chocolate.

movingonup20 · 30/12/2020 17:35

Ps I'm munching through accidentally vegan chocolate currently but to be fair I prefer dark chocolate and this is 80% dark

Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 17:35

@Fueledwithfairydustandgin

You wouldn’t buy her milk chocolate because (I’m guessing) she has restricted her diet and therefore gone without things she enjoys for either moral or heath reasons. She spent/wasted her money on a treat she enjoys for a friend that doesn’t compromise her morally. You come across like a bit of an ungrateful brat so yes YABU
I'm definitely not an ungrateful brat at all- I'm actually a very kind and generous person and I love my friend to pieces. I'm pretty sure many people would feel the same way I do in a similar situation. I just made the eternal error of posting my feelings onto the pit of vipers that is the AIBU section of Mumsnet Wink
OP posts:
ConorMasonsWife · 30/12/2020 17:35

My daughter is vegetarian and I'm not, majority of the time I eat vegetarian because a lot of the food is nice, it seems a bit odd to say no just because it's vegan without trying it.

Shamoo · 30/12/2020 17:36

Laughing at the people listing things that are vegan to ask if the OP would also refuse to eat them, but including things with gluten in the list!

But clearly the gf is a redherring as somebody said above, as they are just chocolates that would never have gluten in anyway.

@SoupDragon - gf pizza bases certainly are better for my body, even though I don't need to be gluten free generally - I feel much better after having a gf pizza than a normal one. But they definitely aren't as good tasting as a normal dominos ;)

grapewine · 30/12/2020 17:36

YABVU to not even try it. Lots of chocolate is gf and vg. She isn't likely to want to purchase non-vegan products on principle.

sadpapercourtesan · 30/12/2020 17:37

I would call her and explain that while you appreciate the thought, it's not something you will enjoy - so would she like it back, as it's clearly to her taste.