AIBU? Vegan gift.

[FrostyChocolateMilkshake]

It was my birthday over the Christmas period; my friend - who is quite the "militant vegan" - has sent me some chocolates through the post which is really lovely and thoughtful of her.

However upon opening the chocolate I have found that it is vegan and gluten-free. I am neither of these things. I'm grateful for the thought but sadly this gift will go to waste as it is not something I'd eat.

I probably sound massively ungrateful but I really do appreciate the thought - the only reason I'm a bit irked by it is because I bend over backwards to only buy vegan, ethical products for my friend that I know she will use. She hasn't reciprocated this and has instead bought me something she would like, not me.

AIBU or just truthful? My DH understands why I am put out but I feel really ungrateful - if anything I'm more annoyed that this gift will go unused and my friend will have ultimately wasted her money.

Exactly what @FrostyChocolateMilkshake said.

Well done OP, your response throughout this thread have been measured and dignified.

@MyGazeboisLeaking

Exactly what *@FrostyChocolateMilkshake* said.

Well done OP, your response throughout this thread have been measured and dignified.

Oops - exactly what @WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot1 said!

And well done @FrostyChocolateMilkshake .

@MyGazeboisLeaking ❤️

I'm also so impressed to see someone change their views on an AIBU rather than argue, I'm impressed. Even if, on this occasion, I think the OP was reasonably miffed.

@WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot1 your attitude is incredible; I wish there were more people out there like you. Have yourself a very Happy New Year 🥂

@MyGazeboisLeaking thank you too for the kind comment; really glad people are actually taking time to read my responses!

Same to you @FrostyChocolateMilkshake

@WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot1 - it really is a pleasure to see, isn't it.

Imagine if even a small proportion of threads were like that.

I completely agree with your point, that vegan chocolate is appealing only if you really like high cocoa content chocolate, therefore only a suitable gift if you know this is someone's preference.

Otherwise, a whole host of non-food alternatives are available.

Not all vegan chocolate has a high cocoa content. Bournville for instance is vegan but only has 36% cocoa. You can also get vegan 'milk' chocolate that normally has a low cocoa content.

Hi OP, just wanted to say how gracious and dignified you have been on this thread. I'm not a vegan but I was really pleased to read the bit where you gave the chocolates a try ... and loved them!

My son is a vegan and sometimes let's me have a bit of his vegan treats and I was so impressed with how nice the chocolate is. I was imagining that horrible carob "chocolate" that used to be sold in health food shops and was like chewing a bit of cardboard. Vegan cheesecake is amazing too!

I get what you mean with the chocolate, I’ve tried to find a vegan choc which we like and it’s not the same, over Christmas I’ve yearned for a bit of galaxy or a milky bar button 🤣
I think you have handled yourself well, and obviously vegans themselves get a bad rap but that’s only because they are passionate about animals and our planet itself and are trying to end the suffering by raising issues.
I had an early happy new yr style text this morning from a colleague who said they have been inspired by me to try veganuary and it made me feel so emotional. I never bang on about vegan issues but if anyone asks I’m happy to talk, and he did and was interested. If anyone described me as a vegan militant I’d be upset. Your friend is simply a human who cares deeply about the suffering animals are forced to endure, and the planet we all need.
I regularly get given presents as a Thankyou for things I’ve done at work from families. It’s NEVER vegan. Mainly chocolates. I cringed at the amount of Baylis and Harding sets, and boots gift sets, all the plastic bottles and packaging.
But honestly I’m so happy for the gesture and it’s taken that way. I just donate it and keep their cards.
I had the COVID vaccine recently which I know has been tested on animals and that has weighed heavily on my mind and I admit I cried later when I thought about what that actually meant. But I had to for the greater good and to keep the vulnerable I work with as safe as can be at the moment. And that is what it is to be vegan, just doing your best.
I’m glad you enjoyed your friend’s gift. Now I’m off to search for the vegan truffles someone mentioned upthread, never heard of those.

Hey OP - I saw your thread yesterday and thought you accepted everyone’s responses brilliantly (in a very non AIBU way 😂) and as a vegan myself I checked back this morning for the review of the chocolate (which sounds amazing) I can’t believe you’re still answering the same criticisms but you’re handling it with far more patience than I would!! Definitely treat yourself to some booja booja truffles as a reward 😂

@Whengodwasarabbit thanks for this response - you sound very a understanding and compassionate person. The whole "militant vegan" remark - it wasn't meant to cause offence, I meant it really to describe how passionate and invested in veganism my friend is. If that makes sense. I admire her passion for the cause (alongside other vegans etc, I have not got the willpower to give up meat although I wish I had). If this phrasing caused any upset or offence, I wholly apologise. I hope you can accept my explanation on why I used that phrase!
The chocolate brownie my friend bought me is delicious- the brand is Oh My Goodness, if you'd like to look it up. Thank you again for your kind and thoughtfully written comment; I appreciate that you haven't piled on me and added to the barrage of insults I endured yesterday! Have yourself a lovely (vegan) new year 🥂

@Hiphopopotamus

Hey OP - I saw your thread yesterday and thought you accepted everyone’s responses brilliantly (in a very non AIBU way 😂) and as a vegan myself I checked back this morning for the review of the chocolate (which sounds amazing) I can’t believe you’re still answering the same criticisms but you’re handling it with far more patience than I would!! Definitely treat yourself to some booja booja truffles as a reward 😂

Hello there! Thank you so much for the kind comment! My patience was beginning to wear thin but I didnt see the point in being horrible back to people - that's not my style (I'm far too soft for arguments 😂) Have a lovely New Year - I think I may treat myself to some of those truffles! You should too, for being so kind Sending best wishes for the New Year 🥂

@Whengodwasarabbit also can I just say it is very thoughtless of people to gift you non-vegan products. Whenever I buy for my vegan friend I ALWAYS without a doubt make sure I buy her vegan, ethical products. I hope people can be a bit more understanding of your beliefs going forward. As I am going to be.

@honeylulu

Hi OP, just wanted to say how gracious and dignified you have been on this thread. I'm not a vegan but I was really pleased to read the bit where you gave the chocolates a try ... and loved them!

My son is a vegan and sometimes let's me have a bit of his vegan treats and I was so impressed with how nice the chocolate is. I was imagining that horrible carob "chocolate" that used to be sold in health food shops and was like chewing a bit of cardboard. Vegan cheesecake is amazing too!

Thank you for the lovely comment. It is quite overwhelming how kind some people have been on this thread (whilst others...well, let's just say I hope they choke on their champagne tonight!) Only kidding of course

Really great to hear that your son is vegan - as much as I wish I had the willpower to give up mest/animal products I find it way too difficult. It's fabulous that the younger generation are embracing new lifestyle choices and raising awareness rather than simply eating meat because we have been conditioned to.

I wish you both a very Happy New Year x

I'm going to stick up for you here and say YANBU. My SIL did the same to us with posting us some vegan gluten free cake. We are neither of those things. I tried them but they tasted awful (overwhelming cinnamon taste). My DH forced himself to eat them because he doesn't like waste but didn't like them. Tbh we had a bit of a laugh about how awful they where, whilst also being grateful she had sent us a Christmas gift. We joked that it would be like us sending her a pate gift hamper becuase it's what we enjoy. If vegan people don't want to buy non vegan things as gifts, then don't gift food. Simple!

@Shamoo

Have you tried Davina Steel GF stuff? The pizza bases are really delicious, but you mix up the dry ingredients like a batter and fry them and I was HUGELY suspicious at this point. However, the end result was really good and the first pizza where my non-coeliac gluten-loving son actually nicked a bit of the GF version because it was so good. Everything we have had of hers has been good so far.

@Mseddy

I'm going to stick up for you here and say YANBU. My SIL did the same to us with posting us some vegan gluten free cake. We are neither of those things. I tried them but they tasted awful (overwhelming cinnamon taste). My DH forced himself to eat them because he doesn't like waste but didn't like them. Tbh we had a bit of a laugh about how awful they where, whilst also being grateful she had sent us a Christmas gift. We joked that it would be like us sending her a pate gift hamper becuase it's what we enjoy. If vegan people don't want to buy non vegan things as gifts, then don't gift food. Simple!

The OP has tried them and she likes them.

Just because the cake you tried was disgusting does not mean all vegan and gluten free cake is disgusting. And lots of food is naturally vegan and gluten free anyway, including some junk food.

I prefer to wear leather boots and shoes. I have just bought a pair of high-heeled 'patent' shoes from the vegan-range in M&S . I wouldn't think I can't wear them because I am not vegan. That's plain silly.

If you don't like the taste then fair enough but at least try the chocolates before deciding you can't eat them.

Just to add though that if I knew a friend liked a particular type, I would probably buy their favourites.

My only gripe is that I now really fancy chocolate brownies, I have a house groaning with food, but alas no brownies!

I'm reading these updates and Jesus god. Its like chocolates are the only gift you could give someone. Gift buying for a friend is getting something they like. If you are apposed to the dairy production then get her fluffy sock/gift card. The fact there is so many different, ethical, gifts to get and she focused on vegan chocolate is a bit OTT. Maybe she did buy it knowing it was nice, but if it were me I would buy with my and the OPs ethics combined and steer free of food due to it being such polar opposites. The op has appologised, yet everyone's jumping on her without reading or the full thread. It's ok to be vgan, it's ok not be vegan. Is it ok to send a gift that would force your opinions on the latter? No. A gift card to the ops fav store would have been just as, tactfully, gratefully received. As meat eater myself and the whole world of gift giving, I would take the vegan chocolates as a way for my friend to push her views on me when she had access to so much other alternatives. If I get flamed for this, I really don't give a shit

@Geepee71

My only gripe is that I now really fancy chocolate brownies, I have a house groaning with food, but alas no brownies!

Get yourself to the shop and treat yourself to some brownies...NOW! 😄😄

@BoyTree - not heard of that range, will definitely check it out. Thanks so much!!!

@frosty ponders if need for brownies comes under essential travel remit......... I think so

@Whiskeylover45

I'm reading these updates and Jesus god. Its like chocolates are the only gift you could give someone. Gift buying for a friend is getting something they like. If you are apposed to the dairy production then get her fluffy sock/gift card. The fact there is so many different, ethical, gifts to get and she focused on vegan chocolate is a bit OTT. Maybe she did buy it knowing it was nice, but if it were me I would buy with my and the OPs ethics combined and steer free of food due to it being such polar opposites. The op has appologised, yet everyone's jumping on her without reading or the full thread. It's ok to be vgan, it's ok not be vegan. Is it ok to send a gift that would force your opinions on the latter? No. A gift card to the ops fav store would have been just as, tactfully, gratefully received. As meat eater myself and the whole world of gift giving, I would take the vegan chocolates as a way for my friend to push her views on me when she had access to so much other alternatives. If I get flamed for this, I really don't give a shit

I agree, I really do.