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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Vegan gift.

531 replies

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 17:11

It was my birthday over the Christmas period; my friend - who is quite the "militant vegan" - has sent me some chocolates through the post which is really lovely and thoughtful of her.

However upon opening the chocolate I have found that it is vegan and gluten-free. I am neither of these things. I'm grateful for the thought but sadly this gift will go to waste as it is not something I'd eat.

I probably sound massively ungrateful but I really do appreciate the thought - the only reason I'm a bit irked by it is because I bend over backwards to only buy vegan, ethical products for my friend that I know she will use. She hasn't reciprocated this and has instead bought me something she would like, not me.

AIBU or just truthful? My DH understands why I am put out but I feel really ungrateful - if anything I'm more annoyed that this gift will go unused and my friend will have ultimately wasted her money.

OP posts:
OhNoItsADalek · 30/12/2020 22:12

There must have been a reason you'd assume that in the first place though Grin.

Mxflamingnoravera · 30/12/2020 22:13

I gave up reading the whole thread, but wanted to say that it is clear that you have rethought your attitude and initial feelings.

It was a gift, given from the heart. I hope you've now tried them and been pleasantly surprised. As I have been by your willingness to accept that YWBU.

If it helps, my partner was sent a box of gf vegan brownies at the start of lockdown by his boss as he could not work from home and was alone in an office block (she is not vegan or gf) and he and I curled our top lips at the label. But we ate them and they were lovely. It was a case of getting over ourselves, and had there not been a vegan or gf label on the packet we'd never have known. They were lush and we both learned a lesson in gratitude and holding on judgement without experience.

So eat the chocs, enjoy the love that was sent with them and let us know how they tasted.

TheOneLeggedJockey · 30/12/2020 22:17

@OhNoItsADalek

There must have been a reason you'd assume that in the first place though Grin.
Probably memories of carob ‘chocolate’ which was pretty shit, TBF.

GF products, etc are usually not as good as gluten-based products, etc, etc.

I’m (again) not saying I’m right, it’s just my perfection, and I’m sure I’m not alone.

Quaagars · 30/12/2020 22:23

The chocolates are delicious and I've definitely learnt a lesson this evening!

Yay!
Flowers Wine

Thistles24 · 30/12/2020 22:47

Some of my favourite chocolates are vegan, and I’m not! YABU not to even try them.

PurpleDaisies · 30/12/2020 22:48

People really should read the thread (or at least the op’s posts).

LizB62A · 30/12/2020 22:58

YABVU
A lot of chocolate is gluten free and many decent dark chocolate is vegan (i.e. it doesn't have any milk)
You're being ridiculous !

PurpleDaisies · 30/12/2020 22:58

@LizB62A

YABVU A lot of chocolate is gluten free and many decent dark chocolate is vegan (i.e. it doesn't have any milk) You're being ridiculous !
And you’re being ridiculous not to check whether the op has realised and changed their mind.
JM10 · 30/12/2020 22:59

I'm so pleased you liked them op, I love it when people.try vegan food and like it 😁

MiddleClassProblem · 30/12/2020 22:59

It’s bizarre how people see a thread that is 18 pages and don’t bother with the see all tab from the op.

Norwayreally · 30/12/2020 23:00

Glad you liked them. Vegan chocolate can be absolutely delicious, I love the vego bars from H&B.

Hayyancairo2 · 30/12/2020 23:09

@Ginfordinner

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVU.

Vegan chocolate is plain chocolate, that's all. It doesn't contain tofu or lentils or avocado.

Grow up!

Lol - sheltered springs to mind.
nanbread · 30/12/2020 23:10

Well YABVU because you said it was chocolate but then said it was a brownie!

Brownies aren't chocolate GODAMMIT

Margay · 30/12/2020 23:11

@FrostyChocolateMilkshake If you'd read my post properly or read any of my responses you'd know that I wasn't at all bothered about the chocolates being vegan. It was the fact I thought my friend had bought me a present that was more ideal for her, or trying to force her beliefs etc on me. If that makes sense.

I did read you post properly. I’m clearly not the only one who believed you were saying “ew! Vegan!” (Based on you saying “it is not something I'd eat”).

It’s a shame your first reaction was to ascribe ulterior motives to your friend, who is presumably someone you like and think well of. I’m glad you’ve come to realise that she was just sending you something really nice rather than trying to do something to annoy you.

Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 23:15

@Margay reading my post back I understand why it would come across like that - but sadly a lot of people have been quite abusive on this thread! I've had to explain myself many times which is rather tiring.

But yes I feel awful for doubting my friend. It was lovely and kind of her to send me such a delicious treat! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 23:16

@nanbread

Well YABVU because you said it was chocolate but then said it was a brownie!

Brownies aren't chocolate GODAMMIT

Silly me 😂😂 brownies, chocolate, whatever - it's all SO GOOD!!
OP posts:
Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 23:17

@Hayyancairo2 I am certainly not sheltered. Please keep pointless comments like this to yourself. Not sure why you'd wade 18 pages deep into a thread just to drop a shitty comment.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 23:18

Update! For those of you who are interested - one of the brownies has completely gone now. Oh my god it was DIVINE 😍

Grin
OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 30/12/2020 23:20

Op I get it.

But give them a bash.

TheOneLeggedJockey · 30/12/2020 23:21

@Wheresmykimchi

Op I get it.

But give them a bash.

She has!!
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 30/12/2020 23:22

glad you enjoyed them OP

Maybe your vegan friend really rates these chocs and would like you to try them and appreciate how good they taste. Doesn't mean she's trying to convert you but just open your mind up a bit.
I really really need someone that wants to convert me to liking vegan chocolate.

I still don't regret giving away the vegan "cheese" Xmas Grin

Quaagars · 30/12/2020 23:23

@Wheresmykimchi
Op I get it
But give them a bash

She did Smile
Said they were very nice and she's learnt a lesson today
I like these kind of AIBU's where people realise yes! You're unreasonable and take it on board instead of going "how very dare you!! I am not being unreasonable, shut up" lol

Original poster
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 23:23

@MiddleClassProblem

It’s bizarre how people see a thread that is 18 pages and don’t bother with the see all tab from the op.
Yes, I thought the same.
OP posts:
Quaagars · 30/12/2020 23:28

I still don't regret giving away the vegan "cheese

Ah see, that's the one thing that's just not the same!
Loads of lovely vegan food but vegan cheese just somehow doesn't cut it.
The only really nice one I have had is the Applewood one.

SunshineLollipopsRainbow · 30/12/2020 23:29

YABU

I wouldnt say she has bought you something she would enjoy specifically...shes bought you something that doesn't compromise her moral and ethical values. The same as she wouldn't buy you a leather purse. Veganism isn't just about your own consumption but about not supporting the non vegan industries as well which she would be doing had she bought milk chocolate.
I hope that makes sense. Take her gift in the spirit it was intended; generosity.