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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horrible woman in supermarket

261 replies

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:21

I’ve just visited our local supermarket, it’s one of the cheaper, rush through at twice the speed of light ones. There was one queue that split into two tills at the end. The woman in front had two items and I had a trolley full. She was waiting to see which would be quicker and holding up the queue. I always join the slowest one as it gives a bit of time to get loaded up. I asked her very politely which till she would be using and she was really horrible, barked at me that it was her choice and I’d have to wait for her as the queue was for both tills.

I have severe anxiety and I almost burst into tears. Is this UR or am I being a wimp? I can’t stop thinking about it?? WTF is wrong with me?

OP posts:
Madethisjustforthispost · 30/12/2020 18:39

I honestly can't believe how rude some of these responses are. How much easier would it have been for the lady to have just politely answered OPs question, it wasn't like she was having a go at her.
The responses on here are unbelievable. I guess none of you have suffered with anxiety, either way, no need for the rudeness!

funinthesun19 · 30/12/2020 18:40

The only time I would ever come back with a rude comment is if someone was rude to me first. Surely that’s the rule!

So therefore, op wasn’t rude first and didn’t deserve the rude reaction she got. The rude woman have the op a free pass to get an earful back though Smile

funinthesun19 · 30/12/2020 18:40

Sorry, the rude woman gave the op a free pass to GIVE an ear full back.

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/12/2020 18:50

It’s hardly the crime of the century to ask her to make her mind up. What was she waiting for the red carpet?.

ColdemortReturns · 30/12/2020 18:51

@Livelovebehappy

One queue for both tills. Don’t understand why you didn’t just wait like everyone else.
What is making this so difficult to understand! The conveyor belt was empty, the OP could have started unloading whilst the person at the till was paying/packing (as is normal). The person in front was waiting to see who paid first, therefore no one else could start unloading. Of course this is holding the queue up!!
Fuckingcrustybread · 30/12/2020 18:52

@generallygenial

You said there was 1 queue was for 2 tills. So she would go to whichever till was available quickest.

YABU and extra unreasonable to be so upset. Not everyone does things in the same way as you.

Are you getting help for your anxiety?

Are you getting help for your eagerness to be the first to post a really nasty spiteful comment?
withmycoffee · 30/12/2020 18:53

@Aloethere huh? No need to get snarky. Of course I know how supermarkets work. I also know how distancing works and how to read stickers on the floor that state that you are to stand until the person ahead moves on. It's not hard Love.

WotWouldCJDo · 30/12/2020 18:53

There’s been a lot on TV about how COVID has made everyone kinder and nicer to one another. I don’t see this anywhere, in fact the complete opposite.

I do agree with other posters saying that there was an opportunity here for you to be kinder and nicer. You could have been patient and let the woman in front have the further 30 seconds to choose her till.

I'm a fan of the single queue system, it's not always beneficial to the individual who chooses/gets lucky, but overall it's more efficient and quicker for the group as a whole. Saying that, in this instance it sounds as though it would have made more sense for her to arbitrarily choose a till and allow you to start on the next. My guess is that she hadn't thought to turn around to check.

withmycoffee · 30/12/2020 18:56

@ColdemortReturns What is making this so difficult to understand! The conveyor belt was empty, the OP could have started unloading whilst the person at the till was paying/packing (as is normal).
The person in front was waiting to see who paid first, therefore no one else could start unloading. Of course this is holding the queue up!!

No need to get huffy! Clearly not all supermarkets are the same. Around me, many shops have stickers on the floor telling you to wait until the person in front moves on. It is NOT normal here to start unloading whilst the previous shopper is still at the till. Not during Covid. Of course it WAS normal in pre-covid days....

dementedpixie · 30/12/2020 18:58

There are no such stickers where I am. If the conveyor belt is normal length then a person paying at the till is nowhere near a person at the end of the belt who is putting their shopping up

withmycoffee · 30/12/2020 19:00

@Madethisjustforthispost

I honestly can't believe how rude some of these responses are. How much easier would it have been for the lady to have just politely answered OPs question, it wasn't like she was having a go at her. The responses on here are unbelievable. I guess none of you have suffered with anxiety, either way, no need for the rudeness!
But who is to say the woman knew the OP was being polite. Wearing masks, people can sometime barely be understood let alone project 'politeness'. As far as the woman was concerned, she was standing waiting like a normal person and some random person behind her started telling her to move. People forget that whilst THEY think they are being polite, they may not COME ACROSS as being polite at all. It is all perception. And maybe the woman in front suffered from anxiety or a hearing impairment or any manner of things. She may be on MN somewhere talking about the horribly rude and pushy woman who had a go at her for standing in line!
DarkGreen · 30/12/2020 19:09

It doesn't matter anyone else's opinion on here, she made you feel like shit and that is valid. It is probably the confrontation of it that's making you feel uncomfortable. The whole situation would have made me feel uncomfortable too if that matters.

However, you're home now, try your best to forget about it. She would probably have been like that with anyone someone people just are.

daisypond · 30/12/2020 19:11

We don’t know if the OP’s statements of “I asked politely” or “she barked” are actually true. The OP may see it like that, but as she said, she is oversensitive, and sometimes people with anxiety distort the world around them. The other woman may have been the one replying politely and the OP may have been the barking one.

MargeProopsSpecs · 30/12/2020 19:12

@AnxiousSM

Thanks katy1213 that made me smile, I needed it, I’m a wimp and need to woman up, it’s not the end of the world is it?
You're a sensitive soul and there's nothing wrong with that. The world could use more sensitive souls right now for sure The woman in the queue was a rude mare, try not to dwell on it op. Fuck her, have some flowers. Flowers
Crimblecrumble1990 · 30/12/2020 19:14

I'm not sure if people aren't understanding the queue situation but it sounds like the person in front of you was holding it up with no regard to anyone behind her. Sounds selfish to me.

I wouldn't have had the guts to say anything but like you, I prefer to start loading my shopping on the conveyor belt (when there's enough distance in these COVID times which there usually is when the person in front is at paying stage.) Otherwise all your stuff ends up slung down the end in record speed and you end up not knowing your arse from your elbow in the panic to pack it all.

GooseFat · 30/12/2020 19:21

OP as someone who also suffers from anxiety, this is coming from a nice place...grow a pair. You believe your question was a fair one and that's all that matters. So MN thinks you committed some great shopping faux pas? I personally think immediately assuming the worst and being horrible to strangers on the internet as opposed to constructive is a big faux pas but hey ho. Each to their own.

dontdisturbmenow · 30/12/2020 19:31

The op didn’t say she did anything wrong! That is, until she snapped of course.
She’s the rude one for snapping during a complete non event, and you are probably rude and unpleasant too if you would have done the same
Oh please! The only reason she'd asked was so that she'd go straight to the next one and start unloading before her turn. She asked but it wasn't really a question. It was telling her to pick one so she could go to the other.

If you can't see how rude that is, you might well be too.

dontdisturbmenow · 30/12/2020 19:33

I'm not sure if people aren't understanding the queue situation but it sounds like the person in front of you was holding it up with no regard to anyone behind her. Sounds selfish to me
Or she was just waiting for her turn like everyone was expected to do, sadly a concept lost on some people.

Lalliella · 30/12/2020 19:37

You were totally not being unreasonable in the supermarket and she was very rude. But please don’t let it bother you anymore, some people are just rude cunts and there’s no reasoning with them. They’re not worth your time of day.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/12/2020 19:46

@Apollo3

I find it very hard to beleive that she "barked at you". She's not a dog. More likely your severe anxiety leads you to see the mildest of rebuke as much worse than it is. She probably thought you were rude.
‘To bark’ does not just mean the sound a dog makes, @Apollo3 - it is also defined as “to utter (a command or question) abruptly or aggressively.”
funinthesun19 · 30/12/2020 19:51

She asked but it wasn't really a question. It was telling her to pick one so she could go to the other.
She literally asked her which till she would be using. It’s hardly anything to snap at. I certainly wouldn’t have.

Maybe the rude woman needs anger management.

If you can't see how rude that is, you might well be too.
I don’t go snapping at people for no reason whereas you admitted you would, so....

Al1langdownthecleghole · 30/12/2020 20:01

Am I being unreasonable?

I was following the etiquette in our local discount supermarket earlier where you join a dual queue before filtering off to the till that is free first.

Anyway I was waiting my turn and the woman behind me with a trolley asked me which till I would be using - seriously, how am I supposed to know?

I am finding the situation with covid really tough at the moment and I am worried about my elderly parents / job / If DC going back to school next week. This woman really was the last straw. Why are people so impatient? I thought covid was supposed to be making us all kinder....

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 20:04

Sorry you went through this OP. I think all the craziness going off in the world at the moment is really affecting people in different ways, making them lash out when they usually wouldn't.
Or of course this woman might just be a bit of a nasty bastard.
Nevertheless, you did nothing wrong OP and I hope you are OK.

brushandmop · 30/12/2020 20:05

YABU although I can see how it happens.

I don't think it is ok to rush someone. Likewise, you don't need to rush when you get to the checkout. Take your time to do what you need to do.

I hope you feel better soon. Just move on and forget it.

purpleboy · 30/12/2020 20:06

Well now I know why so many idiots hold the queues up, why do you all think you can just stand at the front and hold an entire queue of people up? You don't get to just hover in the middle until you make up your mind which lane you want to use, even more so if you wait until the person has finished and paid before you choose! Bizzare, just pick a lane and unload your shopping, luck of the draw if the lane next to you moves quicker or slower.
Op you did nothing wrong, people shouldn't be so entitled to hold everyone else up.
Try not to give it any headspace.

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