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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horrible woman in supermarket

261 replies

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:21

I’ve just visited our local supermarket, it’s one of the cheaper, rush through at twice the speed of light ones. There was one queue that split into two tills at the end. The woman in front had two items and I had a trolley full. She was waiting to see which would be quicker and holding up the queue. I always join the slowest one as it gives a bit of time to get loaded up. I asked her very politely which till she would be using and she was really horrible, barked at me that it was her choice and I’d have to wait for her as the queue was for both tills.

I have severe anxiety and I almost burst into tears. Is this UR or am I being a wimp? I can’t stop thinking about it?? WTF is wrong with me?

OP posts:
PriscillaChinchilla · 30/12/2020 17:09

@AnxiousSM

I’ve just visited our local supermarket, it’s one of the cheaper, rush through at twice the speed of light ones. There was one queue that split into two tills at the end. The woman in front had two items and I had a trolley full. She was waiting to see which would be quicker and holding up the queue. I always join the slowest one as it gives a bit of time to get loaded up. I asked her very politely which till she would be using and she was really horrible, barked at me that it was her choice and I’d have to wait for her as the queue was for both tills.

I have severe anxiety and I almost burst into tears. Is this UR or am I being a wimp? I can’t stop thinking about it?? WTF is wrong with me?

Everyone's feeling fragile right now, and people in shops are grumpy bastards at this time of the year (even without the added nightmare of a global pandemic)

Be kind to yourself, try to be teflon (including to those on here that are being needlessly arsey to you.) I don't think you're being unreasonable - we're all sensitive to different things.

SlippersForFlippers · 30/12/2020 17:18

Maybe she was anxious too, I felt so uncomfortable in the supermarket that I ended up paying for what I had in my trolley and didn't bother getting the rest of my shopping. I found it so stressful and of anyone had of talked to me then I might have had a bad tone too but it's because I was having such a bad experience and was starting to panic.

I've been to the supermarket 3 times since march (including the time above) and each time I've purposefully avoided the cheaper supermarket here as I know there isn't so much space.

I've found the petrol station express shop that easiest to get in and out of quickly.

VivaMiltonKeynes · 30/12/2020 17:18

You should do hime delivery and take this stress away from yourself.

Plumsforjam · 30/12/2020 17:19

I have anxiety, and have at times, felt that anxious overreaction to people’s responses when out and about. I don’t think you were being unreasonable to ask which till she was going to use, sounds like an over reaction on her behalf. As others have pointed out perhaps she had anxiety (and hers manisfests as irritation unlike you and me who get the tears!), maybe it was a bad day, maybe she’s just an arsehole. We can’t control other people’s reactions, just our own. I try to be like Elsa and let it go.

Also AIBU can be ruthless in replies. If you’re feeling fragile it might not be the best place as some of the replies could perhaps exaggerate the anxiety. If this is the case, I’d step away and stop reading. This was a one off upset in the supermarket and your anxiety is making you feel like it is of much more significance than it actually is. Have a cuppa, take some deep breathes and try to forget about it (and I know that’s much easier said than done but going over and over it will just add to the anxiety). Take care xx

DailyCandy · 30/12/2020 17:22

She was ahead of you and you were pressuring her to pick a till? Why would you do that?

Aloethere · 30/12/2020 17:23

I know the Brits love queueing but honestly you'd all just stand around while there are 2 empty belts in front of you? Have you been in a lidl or aldi? It is important to keep the queues moving at this time, standing around delaying the queue like this woman was for no reason is stupid and rude not the OP.

withmycoffee · 30/12/2020 17:25

The poor woman was standing being completely normal. She was waiting until someone finished paying before moving to the till. In many supermarkets, there are stickers on the floor. You CAN'T (or are not supposed to) move up until the previous person moves on. You were completely in the wrong. It would have been rude of the woman to go to the till before the previous person completed. You have a particular 'want' (starting to unload early) that you have confused with a 'need' and right now, with the distancing rules, you are still expecting people to budge up before the previous person has moved on. She was being normal. You were not. Now you are condemning her as rude!!!!

withmycoffee · 30/12/2020 17:27

furthermore, you have told us about YOUR anxiety suggesting that it is relevant but you have not considered that she may have had an anxiety and you may have triggered it. Perhaps you should consider being more kind OP.

funinthesun19 · 30/12/2020 17:30

Why did she need to be rude? If someone asked me that question I would have just politely explained that the queue is for both! It’s not bloody hard to just be polite.

You was being unreasonable. You just asked a question. There was absolutely no reason for her to snap at you like that. Even if she was “having a bad day”.

dementedpixie · 30/12/2020 17:31

@withmycoffee

The poor woman was standing being completely normal. She was waiting until someone finished paying before moving to the till. In many supermarkets, there are stickers on the floor. You CAN'T (or are not supposed to) move up until the previous person moves on. You were completely in the wrong. It would have been rude of the woman to go to the till before the previous person completed. You have a particular 'want' (starting to unload early) that you have confused with a 'need' and right now, with the distancing rules, you are still expecting people to budge up before the previous person has moved on. She was being normal. You were not. Now you are condemning her as rude!!!!
Rubbish. You dont wait until they've paid. There is plenty of space between you and them if they are at the till end if the belt. As they move down you can start putting your stuff on the end of the belt and still be a large distance away from them
funinthesun19 · 30/12/2020 17:31

You WASN’T being unreasonable.

HaHaVeryBunny · 30/12/2020 17:36

She was a rude person, it's all on her. Nothing to do with you.
Sorry you had to cross paths with her. If you're extra sensitive you can take things like this to heart.Flowers
Forget about her, she's not worth another seconds thought.

giantangryrooster · 30/12/2020 17:36

Nah op, just leave it. You could have had a nice response from the woman... you didn't, just let it go.

I think for mood killer, it's worse fighting off posters on MN Grin.

(FWIW i once stood up for a young cashier who was being abused by a customer, customer swirled round and nearly smacked me in the face Shock. Even though a long time ago this has stayed with me. You just have to chalk it up to experience).

Aloethere · 30/12/2020 17:39

@withmycoffee

The poor woman was standing being completely normal. She was waiting until someone finished paying before moving to the till. In many supermarkets, there are stickers on the floor. You CAN'T (or are not supposed to) move up until the previous person moves on. You were completely in the wrong. It would have been rude of the woman to go to the till before the previous person completed. You have a particular 'want' (starting to unload early) that you have confused with a 'need' and right now, with the distancing rules, you are still expecting people to budge up before the previous person has moved on. She was being normal. You were not. Now you are condemning her as rude!!!!
Have you been in an aldi or lidl? You don't wait til someone has paid before you move forward unless you are a twat. The woman was not being normal and it would seem you don't know how to behave in a supermarket either.
HaHaVeryBunny · 30/12/2020 17:43

I'd also listen to what @PlumsForJam said here

"Also AIBU can be ruthless in replies. If you’re feeling fragile it might not be the best place as some of the replies could perhaps exaggerate the anxiety. If this is the case, I’d step away and stop reading. This was a one off upset in the supermarket and your anxiety is making you feel like it is of much more significance than it actually is. Have a cuppa, take some deep breathes and try to forget about it (and I know that’s much easier said than done but going over and over it will just add to the anxiety). Take care xx"

If you're feeling a bit fragile then AIBU can be a very caustic place to the most reasonable of posters, so if you are continuing to read, don't take it too much to heart.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 30/12/2020 17:45

You don't know what was going on in her life. We're all keyed up, try and forget about it.

PerhapsOverlyWorried · 30/12/2020 17:46

Ah I hate stupid bloody dithering fools like that, YANBU OP. Sheer selfishness on her part, type of person that thinks the world revolves around them Flowers

SatanClaus · 30/12/2020 17:47

Op don’t give it another thought.

As for the pile on here, not much of a surprise of late.

catchabreak2020 · 30/12/2020 17:50

Don’t understand why some people are confused? The other lady was obviously holding up the queue if it meant the OP took extra time at the till because she couldn’t load her shopping earlier.. it’s pretty simple Hmm

courtwood · 30/12/2020 17:51

@aloethere,
In my local lidl and aldi we don't go to the checkout until the person in front has paid and left, in lidl the cashier will sanitize the belt with a quick spray and swipe of paper towel before we can put our items on.(not uk based though)

DolphinsAndNemesis · 30/12/2020 17:54

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

She perceived you as being rude, who knows, she may be at home talking about how someone snapped at her in the supermarket.

You then perceived her as rude and are telling us she snapped at you.

It really isn't a big deal at all.

Just don't try and rush people in future, you aren't the only person with anxiety, and should be more understanding of others.

I agree with this post. The other woman may have thought you were being rude to her, and she responded defensively. It's entirely possible she also experiences anxiety or was having a particularly bad day. Who knows?

I completely understand feeling thrown off kilter by a minor incident, and I also have a tendency to dwell on such encounters. But I don't think it's healthy for me to do so. Trying to see things from the other person's perspective sometimes helps me. That doesn't always work, of course, but it can be a useful strategy IME.

Teddybear27 · 30/12/2020 17:55

@AnxiousSM
I’m sorry this happened to you. There is no need to be so rude especially with everything going on at the moment. At least you could walk away from her and don’t live with her... 😊
It certainly is not your fault. Just forget it, she is a silly woman. Don’t take it personally. I know that can be difficult. Some days can be better than others. Some people are a pain in the backside. They are pi**ed off and want everyone else to be like it. You will be fine 😊❤️

iftherewereahorseyinthehouse · 30/12/2020 17:55

Confusing, surely she is entitled to take the next til that is free, she didn't know which one that was so she was waiting? Seems reasonable, I'd be annoyed if someone behind me told me to pick when it was one queue

toocold54 · 30/12/2020 17:56

Many supermarkets are/were making everyone wait behind a line whilst the person in front finishes and leaves and then you go to the next available till. A bit like primark if you have ever been. Although I am not sure if they are still doing this now but the women may have been extra worried about social distancing and felt you were being rude to her first and may be feeling the exact way you do now.

My only advice would be to shop at a different place if you do suffer with anxiety - and by you thinking how you need to load your shopping on the belt to have enough time etc definitely sounds like anxiety. I have 2 family members who don’t usually suffer from anxiety but they actually can’t cope with these face paced supermarkets so have stopped going.

I hope your ok now. Please just try and forget it now so it doesn’t ruin your evening.

ColdemortReturns · 30/12/2020 17:57

I'm sure people deliberately misunderstand on these posts just to have a go...
Her reaction would have unsettled me too OP. She was being unreasonable. I like time to unload too, I hate it when the cashier is just sat watching me.
Have a Wine and try and forget it xx