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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you could have the man being pregnant, would you?

171 replies

CrotchBurn · 30/12/2020 14:49

Imagine a far future where you could choose whether you wanted to be the one to be pregnant, give birth, nurse the child etc., or whether the male partner would do all that, which would you choose?

YABU = I would still do it
YANBU = I would have the man do it

Asking because I think the fear of being pregnant and going through labour is probably the biggest reason why I dont want children/am dragging my feet and if I were a man I think I would already have them by now.

OP posts:
ThatIsNotMyUsername · 31/12/2020 13:02

DH is pretty resilient - he’s had some horrible procedures that I would have peed my pants at. However - a blister or cut finger and Harley Street is on standby...

Scottishskifun · 31/12/2020 13:05

I think it depends on your experience. Personally I would quite happily let my DH carry a baby but I hate being pregnant and have numerous small issues from regular fainting, constant pelvic girdle pain, pregnancy insomnia, anaemia etc etc

Some breeze through I am not one of them!

lilsquish · 31/12/2020 13:06

Career wise it would be brilliant if my OH could do that.

But despite largly hating my pregnancies/births id be jealous of him if he was doing it! lol

its funny you should think if this OP as i have friends who are married (both female) and who have each had a 'turn' at it and i remember thinking at the time that id struggle to be the one not being pregnant and having the baby.

LabCoatPocket · 31/12/2020 13:16

Ahhh, my DH had a phantom pregnancy. I would not have believed they were true unless I had witnessed it.

He gained weight, his moobies grew. Near the end, when his moobs were particularly prominent, I swear he could have breastfed had he tried.

He started eating things he had always hated - craved certain things he wouldn't eat before and has not done since. He cried, a lot. Over everything. He developed abdominal pains, two hours before I went into labour and they stopped as soon as I had our baby.

Honestly, at the time, it was very irritating. I wasn't half as pregnant as he was. However, he has a beautiful bond with our child. He was hands on from the go and we parent in a 50/50 way without thinking about it. So yes, I would be happy to let DH have the baby but only based on what I have witnessed, otherwise I would probably feel a bit weird.

Piglet89 · 31/12/2020 13:54

My pal has basically been pregnant or breastfeeding since 2015. That’s my idea of absolute hell.

Piglet89 · 31/12/2020 13:56

And I didn’t have THAT bad a pregnancy!!!! I just didn’t like the sickness for 16 weeks and the idea of being a vessel. It annoyed me a bit I guess because I’m a bit selfish!!!

Norwester · 31/12/2020 14:00

Of course I'd let him do it! Loved being pregnant for the most part, but if I could have offloaded all the physical fallout onto him? Let him crack on. I'd go full 1950s and be happy to smoke a cigar in the waiting room and have a lovely newborn handed to me all washed and nappied. Smile

Norwester · 31/12/2020 14:03

Just realised - this would mean he'd have periods too, instead of me. Score!

Liverbird77 · 31/12/2020 17:18

I've had two children. I'd love more but I don't like pregnancy/labour/the relentless nursing in the first year.
If dh could do some of that I would be lobbying hard for another two!

Guineapig99 · 31/12/2020 18:26

‘ Ahhh, my DH had a phantom pregnancy. ‘ Hmm

waitrosequeue · 31/12/2020 18:29

They would find an excuse for it not to be their turn.

JovialNickname · 02/01/2021 20:39

Men simply wouldn't do it - they don't want children enough that they would go through that kind of personal sacrifice! It would be a good way for a woman to find a keeper though, a man who was willing to bear her child Smile

AcrossthePond55 · 03/01/2021 16:10

@JovialNickname

Men simply wouldn't do it - they don't want children enough that they would go through that kind of personal sacrifice! It would be a good way for a woman to find a keeper though, a man who was willing to bear her child Smile
That's a bit of a generalization. Many men DO want children 'enough'. My DH is one of them, it was extremely important to him that I wanted childreneh and I believe he would not have married me if I didn't. Of course I wouldn't have married him either, if the opposite had been true. And I can think of many men (straight and gay) for whom having children is as important as it is to many women I know.

I think because men don't have the ability to bear a child it's just not something they really talk about as frequently as women do. For us it's more 'when' because most of us do have the ability to bear a child by hook or by crook if we're determined to. But for a man it's more 'if' because a man needs a willing woman, be it a partner or a surrogate.

Aria999 · 03/01/2021 17:59

I didn't really like being pregnant much and I cheated on the birth (c sections). I'm glad I'm not planning to do it again.

But, I'm glad I did it and I would not have chosen to pass it off. There's something special about it.

NameChange30 · 03/01/2021 18:02

C sections aren't "cheating"!!!
(And I've had two vaginal births)

BeautyAndTheBump1 · 03/01/2021 19:43

Oh hell no. I had hyperemesis and threw up every single day and spent half my time in hospital, and i would rather go through that than listen to my husband whinge for 9 months. When he has a headache he has to stop the world and go to bed to 'sleep it off'. I'm also a control freak Grin

TheRogueApostrophe · 04/01/2021 09:30

@Yeahnahmum

Itsnot that bad being pregnant and having a baby op. People go through worse things with their body otherwise there would be only only children 😅
Yes! I would have happily given my kidney stones to dh but I'll keep pregnancy, labour and breastfeeding, thanks 😁
theruffles · 04/01/2021 10:04

I totally would! I've enjoyed my two pregnancies - thankfully they've been low risk and straightforward enough, but sometimes I'd like DH to be a bit more sympathetic. I was quite sick with DC1 and DH didn't get it - he kept going on and on about how I needed to eat a balanced diet, etc. Currently pregnant with DC2 and this time DH has kept his opinions to himself but if I've had a day where I'm quite uncomfortable or experiencing pelvic/back pain it's not given any sympathy. I have to remind him to help me with things (putting bins out, moving heavy bags of shopping) which is irritating. I think he assumes because I have been able to get on with most things as normal that he doesn't need to assist. I think he'd make a massive fuss of being pregnant and any aches/pains that he was experiencing.

1940s · 04/01/2021 12:47

No, I loved being pregnant and can't wait to be pregnant again

Fallox · 04/01/2021 13:42

I'm in a same sex marriage so gender is taken off the table when making these sorts of choices and it comes to suitability

For us it comes down to the youngest, least likely to health problems/difficulty conceiving, best maternity leave options etc

Interestingly ours still isnt a logical choice. I'm the "breadwinner" but will carry and be the one going back part time because I'm the more "maternal one". So even with all things being weighed out it's still not the "logical" choice

OllyBJolly · 04/01/2021 15:04

Loved it. Pregnancy, birth, looking after a newborn, feeding, playing. I was lucky enough to "bloom" in pregnancy - spotty skin cleared up, my hair became thick and glossy, no stretchmarks, I had curves for the first time, found breastfeeding relatively easy. First birth was horrendous - 26 hour labour and high forcep delivery but even then, I'm glad I experienced it. Second was so easy. Very lucky.

To me, the ability to give birth and care for a child was a huge privilege for which I'm very grateful.

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