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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you could have the man being pregnant, would you?

171 replies

CrotchBurn · 30/12/2020 14:49

Imagine a far future where you could choose whether you wanted to be the one to be pregnant, give birth, nurse the child etc., or whether the male partner would do all that, which would you choose?

YABU = I would still do it
YANBU = I would have the man do it

Asking because I think the fear of being pregnant and going through labour is probably the biggest reason why I dont want children/am dragging my feet and if I were a man I think I would already have them by now.

OP posts:
Parkandride · 30/12/2020 16:37

Hmm I wouldn't like feeling left out, right now I can feel kicks but he can't. Plus with covid he's been pretty excluded. And I wouldn't fancy watching someone else in pain for labour. So far I'm enjoying pregnancy but I've not done it all yet so may chance my mind!

Aneley · 30/12/2020 16:39

100%. And I think DH would have been better at it too.

FitterHappierMoreProductive · 30/12/2020 16:39

It’s been one of my favourite parts of being a woman! (I suppose actually the only thing I do that bears any relation to the fact I am a woman). Wouldn’t give it up for anything!

letsmakethetea · 30/12/2020 16:43

Yes, in a heartbeat! They'd all have CSs as standard Grin no man would push a melon out of their penis when there was a chance it would rip open and be damaged for life. There'd be none of that 'natural birth' bollocks 😂

TheRogueApostrophe · 30/12/2020 16:55

I'd absolutely do it all again. I was lucky enough to have good pregnancies and relatively good births. I swore after my last that I'd never do it again and it was pretty painful because he got stuck but, well, I think I'd definitely do it again now (if I weren't very much the wrong side of 40).

TheRogueApostrophe · 30/12/2020 16:56

@FitterHappierMoreProductive

It’s been one of my favourite parts of being a woman! (I suppose actually the only thing I do that bears any relation to the fact I am a woman). Wouldn’t give it up for anything!
This is how I feel too.
feliciabirthgiver · 30/12/2020 16:56

YABU - giving birth is the thing I am most proud of and is proof that women are by far the stronger sex!

I am a goddess and he, well he puts the bins out!

TipsieM · 30/12/2020 17:12

We have one DC, will start ttc again.

I'd gladly let DH take that one. I'd love a 2nd child but don't really want to be pregnant ever again.

Findingapath · 30/12/2020 17:58

When DS was tiny and feeding almost non stop, I remember researching extensively in the early hours one morning if it was possible for men to breastfeed Grin I desperately wanted DH to share the load, in my sleep deprived state I was convinced that men had nipples for a reason

Zoecarter · 30/12/2020 17:58

Oh my husband would be so much better at being pregnant then me

grannyinapram · 30/12/2020 18:06

No chance in hell would I give up pregnancy or labour and birth. But I have only had vaginal births, it was all magical.
I had pretty bad morning sickness and fatigue, and I had such high blood pressure I was hospitalised after fainting a fair few times and feeling faint doing everything, but you get to feel that baby moving in you, jumping if a door slams shut, waking up if you have a cold drink, jumping like a kangaroo in a hot bath... the love you feel and the absolute amazing feeling of giving birth, when you're pushing and the head is out and you can feel the relief as the shoulders pass and the rest of the body just slips out. oh god its bliss. pure bliss. I actually have a tear in my eye thinking about how entirely happy I was in those moments.

oh yes, it was definitely worth the pain and the fear. It is not something I would give to my husband, as much as I love him I just couldn't give up that experience for anything and if I had to watch him go through the stages I'd be angry that I wasn't and I'd be hanging onto his tummy for the whole 9 months.

I would like to see him in labour though, to see if he could hack it. or if he would hug me when its all over and thank me like in a corny movie.

grannyinapram · 30/12/2020 18:07

I'd definitely give up the midwife appointments though- they're a bitch
oh and the health visitor appointments
what a drag

ThatIsNotMyUsername · 30/12/2020 18:08

@Hoppinggreen

I couldn’t deal with the whinging Mind you, if men could give birth I am sure there would be many more pain free options by now
Exactly!
Porcupineintherough · 30/12/2020 18:11

Interesting question.

I think I would like to have done it myself at least once. Might have let dh do the second one - he was massive!

Original poster
CrotchBurn · 30/12/2020 18:15

Well the votes are a perfect 50/50 split!

Interesting. I expected the votes to be very heavily weighed towards "let him do it". Thats heartening!

OP posts:
Sarcobaleno · 30/12/2020 18:19

I absolutely loved being pregnant. The 2 very dramatic emergency sections not so much.

Moo678 · 30/12/2020 19:14

Love the 50/50 split.

I’m on pregnancy number 4. I would have wanted to experience it at least once myself but now I’ve had all day morning sickness, SPD and a 72 hr labour I’d be willing to forgo all that. Breastfeeding is incredibly special for me and I’d find it hard to give that up but I would also love my husband to be able to experience it. I wish would could share it 50/50 as it is restrictive at first. But overall yes for this pregnancy I’d let him do it if he could.

SarahAndQuack · 30/12/2020 19:31

@Findingapath

When DS was tiny and feeding almost non stop, I remember researching extensively in the early hours one morning if it was possible for men to breastfeed Grin I desperately wanted DH to share the load, in my sleep deprived state I was convinced that men had nipples for a reason
Men can breastfeed, but I think it'd be a right pain.

Women who've not had the baby can, too. You do hormone injections.

I know this because the breastfeeding counsellor wanted me to try. I politely declined!

tommika · 30/12/2020 19:37

You know how bad Man flu is, can you imagine putting up with us for 9 months of man pregnancy?

Scarlettpixie · 30/12/2020 19:39

I would want to do it because having had a child (he is now 14) I wouldn’t want to miss out on anything. Yes the sickness wasn’t great or the stitches but I loved knowing I was growing a person and feeling/seeing him move. I had a water birth with just gas and air and the whole thing was pretty quick. I never said never again like some mums do. The birth was easier than I had imagined it would be.

rorosemary · 30/12/2020 19:49

@Mrsmorton

Can you fucking imagine the whingeing?
Oh god this! Mine was helpful but moaned SO MUCH about the housework that I started doing everything myself again two weeks after my EMCS. And his moaning about lack of sleep and lack of free time while I'm the one getting up in the night. If he'd have to do pregnancy and birth I'd probably kill him.
Respectabitch · 30/12/2020 19:52

I enjoyed it and birth was a really amazing experience. And my bond with them is so powerful and primal. I wouldn't give that away.

AnotherEmma · 30/12/2020 19:53

I'd go for one child each, only fair Grin

I hated pregnancy and childbirth but I've done it twice and it was absolutely worth it for my two beautiful children (cheesy but true). Very happy that I'm done, though!

You can do it, OP, if it's what you want. Of course, it's not compulsory.

DramaAlpaca · 30/12/2020 19:55

Pregnancy and birth is an amazing thing and I'm glad I'm the one who could do it. I've done it three times and if I wasn't too old I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I wouldn't want to share it.

thelegohooverer · 30/12/2020 20:08

I loved and hated being pregnant. It was an incredible experience and not one that I’d give up easily. But I agree that it would mean vast improvements in healthcare.

But it depends whether we’re talking sci-fi with artificial hormones and a black market in uterus donations or some sort of spontaneous dna mutation that allows for natural male gestation, or a magic fairy waving a wand scenario. The last two I’d be on board with.

I won’t say labour was easy, but if I had to choose between the first trimester and labour, I’d have given birth twice. In fact, the post birth euphoria was amazing and I’d have happily gone for it again straight away. Hormones are weird!!