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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you could have the man being pregnant, would you?

171 replies

CrotchBurn · 30/12/2020 14:49

Imagine a far future where you could choose whether you wanted to be the one to be pregnant, give birth, nurse the child etc., or whether the male partner would do all that, which would you choose?

YABU = I would still do it
YANBU = I would have the man do it

Asking because I think the fear of being pregnant and going through labour is probably the biggest reason why I dont want children/am dragging my feet and if I were a man I think I would already have them by now.

OP posts:
Sparkles1992 · 31/12/2020 00:26

I'd do it every single time it's the best feeling in the world Smile and worth every bit of pain. I loved being pregnant and my 4 day induction/labour were the best days of my life meeting my little boy

SarahAndQuack · 31/12/2020 00:27

Fair enough!

Ludoole · 31/12/2020 00:27

No, I loved the feeling of my dc moving about in my stomach.

SometimesIWonderWhy · 31/12/2020 00:33

@SachaStark

If men had the option of choosing to give birth, it would likely lead to many improvements for both sexes in terms of pain management, trauma, and postnatal care, to be honest.

Because there’s no way male pain would be ignored as much as female pain has historically been.

This 1000%
RavingAnnie · 31/12/2020 00:33

That would be amazing! Definitely!

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 31/12/2020 00:34

I'd definitely have had more kids if I could do that

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 31/12/2020 00:35

@BillMasen

Here we go

FFS every man is a whining complaining pain in the arse. Ha ha hilarious

Well lots are unfortunately
stuffedforchristmas · 31/12/2020 00:36

Yes but I could not be bothered to listen to the nagging. He would be flapping off into the sunset, as dying swans do.

Longdistance · 31/12/2020 00:41

I’d get my dh to do it. He’d have to take a pay cut and doing everything at home. He’d do the childcare and I can then fuck off to the golf courses, sink some beers and scratch my balls. He can also do ALL the night wakings and be permanently knackered.

stuffedforchristmas · 31/12/2020 00:42

For all those complaining that men are being painted as self-pitying drama queens...

The question was asked. The answer (based on bitter experience of my DH having mild food poisoning/grazing his knee/etc) was given. If you don't like the reality, don't ask.

Quite genuinely, I suspect that men would have a tendency to end their own lives during labour if it was them and this is one reason why it would never work.

FlyNow · 31/12/2020 01:36

Yes, I would. To be fair, we would have one each.

OloBo · 31/12/2020 05:33

No way. And I say this as someone who has a medical condition that made me have multiple losses and trauma to get our kids.

Aside from that complication, I LOVED being pregnant, and carrying and giving birth to my kids was such an amazing, powerful experience. Plus, with my complications, I reckon he’d have given up before we got out kids.

Lizadork · 31/12/2020 06:53

I would always want to carry the babies because there is an undeniable bond that develops between mum and baby via pregnancy/birth/nursing. I wouldn't give that a way for anything. I like being the person who is a literal home for the children because they always feel wherever i am is home. There is a need and a want for mum that should be kept and nurtured.

Yeahnahmum · 31/12/2020 06:54

Itsnot that bad being pregnant and having a baby op.
People go through worse things with their body otherwise there would be only only children 😅

squeekums · 31/12/2020 09:15

I've always told dp, if he wants a 2nd, advance science so men are the pregnant ones
I will never again be pregnant by choice

AliasGrape · 31/12/2020 09:41

@stuffedforchristmas

For all those complaining that men are being painted as self-pitying drama queens...

The question was asked. The answer (based on bitter experience of my DH having mild food poisoning/grazing his knee/etc) was given. If you don't like the reality, don't ask.

Quite genuinely, I suspect that men would have a tendency to end their own lives during labour if it was them and this is one reason why it would never work.

Well quite.

My DH is very good, very supportive during pregnancy, very hands on and all that. But after the first two weeks of paternity leave he went into the spare room at night and I’ve had the baby in with me and done every night wake ever since. (I know this is frowned upon on mumsnet but it honestly was the best option in our particular set of circumstances with our particular baby to ensure we all get some sleep and I’m not bothered and feel things are as equal as they can be the rest of the time). However I have laughed to myself overhearing him on the phone to friends/ colleagues complaining bitterly of the ‘sleep deprivation’.

There would be untold whinging here if he was to be pregnant. Sorry to play in to the stereotype but there we are.

carnations23 · 31/12/2020 09:43

100 % man left to do it,

I've spent the last 7 weeks struggling to eat and constantly nauseous i just really miss eating .

Haggertyjane · 31/12/2020 09:47

Yes, good idea. I did read somewhere if the woman had the first baby, and the man the second one, family size would never be more the three!

Poppins2016 · 31/12/2020 11:01

I've already given birth to one baby and am newly pregnant again.

I voted that I'd do it. I loved being pregnant and being able to give birth. I also love breastfeeding (still going with my toddler). I guess there are times I think it would be useful if a man could breastfeed (mainly to give a break during cluster feeding!), but if I had to make a choice, I'd choose me.

I must say, in case it affects anything, I found pregnancy relatively easy last time (so far so good with this one) and I had a positive birth experience.

Poppins2016 · 31/12/2020 11:10

@Lizadork

I would always want to carry the babies because there is an undeniable bond that develops between mum and baby via pregnancy/birth/nursing. I wouldn't give that a way for anything. I like being the person who is a literal home for the children because they always feel wherever i am is home. There is a need and a want for mum that should be kept and nurtured.
I 100% agree with this. I wouldn't (couldn't) give the nurturing, bonding aspect up.

I was brutally honest with my DH that I couldn't share my maternity leave 50/50 (like friends of ours were, which prompted a brief pondering discussion) due to this.
There's no right or wrong parenting style and I don't judge my friends for their decision, it was clearly best for their family, but there was something (almost primal) in me that said "no thanks, not for me".

mummy2oli · 31/12/2020 11:17

I loved being pregnant. If I could swap I wouldn’t. As traumatic as the delivery with ds was. I would jump at chance to carry another baby

Seeingadistance · 31/12/2020 11:19

@Mrsmorton

Can you fucking imagine the whingeing?
This was my first thought as well.
cactusisblooming · 31/12/2020 11:23

If my DH got pregnant I'd immediately file for divorce. The dressing gown of doom would be donned from day 1, not to be taken off until the baby entered school at the earliest. And of course I wouldn't possibly be able to understand the difficulty he is going through. I fear the NHS would totally collapse.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 31/12/2020 11:37

I was lucky. I had good pregnancies and easy births. Once they arrived, the children were another story but the early bits were straightforward for me. I found pregnancy, birth and early babyhood a very bonding time and I’d like for DH to experience that.

FurryGiraffe · 31/12/2020 11:40

DH just nearly fainted collecting 4mls of blood for a Covid antibody test- so I don't think pregnancy and birth would be a good idea Wink

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