Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you could have the man being pregnant, would you?

171 replies

CrotchBurn · 30/12/2020 14:49

Imagine a far future where you could choose whether you wanted to be the one to be pregnant, give birth, nurse the child etc., or whether the male partner would do all that, which would you choose?

YABU = I would still do it
YANBU = I would have the man do it

Asking because I think the fear of being pregnant and going through labour is probably the biggest reason why I dont want children/am dragging my feet and if I were a man I think I would already have them by now.

OP posts:
olderthanyouthink · 30/12/2020 15:11

I've done DC1 so it would be nice if DP could do number 2. He didn't like seeing me suffer (incredibly bad with needles and gave birth with zero assistance while he tried to get help) so would rather it were him. He also constantly worried about something going wrong and me dying.

He's fairly tough as he has constant migraines and is no stranger to hospitals, he'd be fine.

Ffsnosexallowed · 30/12/2020 15:13

I enjoyed being pregnant, and am v happy to have experienced childbirth. However, if we were going to have more children I'd let him do it this time. I'm unfit and overweight. He's in much better shape than me to have a baby.

ExeterMummaMia · 30/12/2020 15:13

I would rather DH could do pregnancy and childbirth 100%! It wouldn't even be a decision I'd need to consider! Being pregnant is generally not much fun (there are some odd weeks in the 2nd trimester which are okay... but otherwise it's just a long slog!) and whichever method of birth you get it's never painfree or 'easy'. Given we have periods to contend with every month for a large chunk of our lives, I think we should get a break!

Ro198 · 30/12/2020 15:13

I’m pregnant at the moment and I don’t find anything enjoyable about it, so yes I would swap without hesitation!

VinylDetective · 30/12/2020 15:15

[quote CrotchBurn]@Mousehole10
That's so nice to read, I was hoping to hear positive experiences like this. Yeah I'm a hypochondriac and an over thinker, I'd be terrified of the whole thing. But maybe it's not so bad once you're in it and have no other option![/quote]
Here’s another one for you. After my son was born I remember saying the birth was nowhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be. I really meant it too. Some women love telling horror stories. I think it’s really unkind.

AfterSchoolWorry · 30/12/2020 15:18

Of course, not many would go through pregnancy and birth if there was any alternative!

IEat · 30/12/2020 15:19

The pain in the days after birth, the long long bleeding, boobs bigger than your head. He can have that I’ll have the rest (well no if I’m honest, he can do everything
It’s all in the name of equality

TableFlowerss · 30/12/2020 15:19

I’d have done it once then told him he had to do it if he wanted more

MartiniDry · 30/12/2020 15:20

You need to ask?
Hell, yes!

SionnachRua · 30/12/2020 15:20

Honestly if all I could have was him having the baby bump I 100% would. Pregnant bellies freak me out, weirdly the rest of it is much more tolerable Grin

Mamadothehump · 30/12/2020 15:21

No chance! I loved being pregnant and giving birth.

BillMasen · 30/12/2020 15:23

Here we go

FFS every man is a whining complaining pain in the arse. Ha ha hilarious

elliejjtiny · 30/12/2020 15:24

No. After witnessing dh's recovery from a vasectomy there is no way I would be able to deal with him giving birth.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 30/12/2020 15:25

@MillieEpple

I'd take turns.
My nan (who had 10 children, god bless her) always said that 'if women had the first and men had the second, then there wouldn't be a third'.

Wise words, i'll be bound.

1forAll74 · 30/12/2020 15:26

If a man gave birth.he would be forever telling everyone, that there is nothing to it, and women have made it into such a big deal, moaning about the intense pain, and the episiotomy etc. The would say, went through it like a breeze mate, nothing to it, over and done with in ten minutes. It would be a story to be rattled out forever to all and sundry.

LouJ85 · 30/12/2020 15:26

[quote CrotchBurn]@LouJ85
Why do you enjoy the second trimester?[/quote]

In this pregnancy the first trimester was plagued with nausea, vomiting and extreme fatigue... which has now thankfully lifted.

And in my previous pregnancy, in the third trimester I was so uncomfortable because of increasing bump size and the weight I was carrying, as well as my uterus expanding so much that my stomach was pushed right up giving me awful heartburn! Oh and dreadful sciatica in both legs.

So overall, 2nd trimester feels like the most comfortable to me Smile

napody · 30/12/2020 15:27

@SachaStark

If men had the option of choosing to give birth, it would likely lead to many improvements for both sexes in terms of pain management, trauma, and postnatal care, to be honest.

Because there’s no way male pain would be ignored as much as female pain has historically been.

Was going to write this... until I remembered that patriarchy exists largely BECAUSE women are the childbearing sex. So maybe everything would be reversed, and men disadvantaged career wise as women are now. Sorry, missing the point a bit....

Personally, morning sickness aside, I had two straightforward pregnancies and labours, and I would have missed out on a really great life experience if their Dad had got to do it instead.

JohnMcClane · 30/12/2020 15:27

Oh the one hand DH is quite the hypocondriac so I don't know how he would cope.

On the positive. Can you imagine the medical and social strides that would be made if men could become pregnant?

Miscarriage would no longer be just an unfortunate mishap, but something closely studies. Childbirth would be taken seriously as the huge physical upheaval that it is with all the dangers managed properly. Can you imagine a midwife telling a man to stop being silly, calm down this is perfectly natural? And as for pregnancy injuries, men would never be allowed to suffer impotence, incontinence or debilitating injuries in silence.

LouJ85 · 30/12/2020 15:27

But my DP would be a total wimp at it compared to me ... Grin

AcrossthePond55 · 30/12/2020 15:28

I'd go 50/50, with both of us experiencing pregnancy and birth. I loved being pregnant (although I was on bedrest with DS2) and both births were pretty great. Easy deliveries and the pain was tolerable (I have a high pain threshold, so no medications).

BillyElliotsLeftShoe · 30/12/2020 15:32

Absolutely yes. DH would be better coping physically and since I am the bigger earner by far, financially we'd be so much better off. I had a tough time recovery wise / incontinence issues for some time and I'd assumed I'd get back to work after about 6 months - being in a travel job without regular access to toilets or on-site private facilities would have made it impossible if I'd insisted going back at 6 months. It literally wouldn't have worked practically.

BillyElliotsLeftShoe · 30/12/2020 15:34

men would never be allowed to suffer impotence, incontinence or debilitating injuries in silence.

100% this. And maybe male dominated jobs would start to improve the way they treat female employees as a result (toilet facilities on building sites/ in travel jobs where you work partly office , part site).

Emeraldshamrock · 30/12/2020 15:35

I don't think I could listen to his symptoms and crying for 9 months.
If men gave birth every family would have an only child.

DunravenBadger · 30/12/2020 15:35

Honestly? That would be the dream! I really wish DH could do it! I'm having to come off pain medication before we can even TTC, then add in increased pain due to pregnancy (common with my condition), morning sickness, labour etc. It sucks. I've said to DH numerous times I wish he could do it. Also wish he could breastfeed too.

AliasGrape · 30/12/2020 15:39

I was terrified of childbirth - my mum died in childbirth with me. (40 years ago and very specific set of circumstances but still it obviously affected me very deeply).

My pregnancy was pretty easy in the main and I enjoyed being pregnant. The birth was fairly traumatic at the time but I’d done a lot of preparation with hypnoborthing and, whilst I think the whole ‘positive birth movement’ can be a bit of a double edged sword it really did help me stay calm and deal with things as they happened.

I miss being pregnant sometimes. I’d happily do it again, birth and all.