To be confused by the rude email

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I got married in a lovely church on the 19th and the ceremony was beautiful. 4 days before the wedding we received the invoice through the post with details of how to pay by cheque. The invoice did say that payment should be made prior to the wedding. As we don’t use cheques, dp (now DH) contacted the church treasurer to ask for the bank details. He emailed them over and said that he would amend the invoice. This was on the 16th. DH wanted to confirm the bank details before we sent the transfer over (as a fraud protection measure- as emails can be intercepted etc) so we waited for the invoice to arrive. Nothing further was mentioned and we had the ceremony, a short honeymoon followed immediately by Christmas.
On Boxing Day DH emailed the church as we hadn’t received a new invoice, asking if we could confirm verbally the details for payment. The vicar responded to say that this should have been paid before the wedding and that we could drop cash off at the rectory. DH explained that we had only actually received the invoice on the 15th and we had requested a new invoice as we wanted confirmation of the bank details. As the church wanted payment we transferred the money there and then.

The church treasurer has emailed to say he had needed to ‘calm down’ because he was so angry. He insinuated that we were ridiculous to want verbal or posted confirmation of the bank details and said that he had never agreed to send a new invoice out. He said it was unreasonable that we had taken ten days to pay (those ten days included our wedding, honeymoon and Christmas). He said that his son was Vice President of cyber security for a bank and we did not need to confirm the bank details in an email. His tone was really abrupt and I was really upset tbh, we were happy to pay well in advance, but the church sent the invoice out very late, with incorrect details. We made a payment when WE chased it on Boxing Day and that payment would have cleared faster than a cheque would have done.
AIBU to think we should have had longer to pay an invoice - the invoice arrived on the 15th and we didn’t have the bank details emailed until the day after and we were then waiting for the amended email to arrive. I don’t know if I’ve explained it very well - but I feel like the unnecessarily rude tone, when we’ve now already paid, is upsetting and casts a shadow over a lovely day. DH works for a bank and is probably extra cautious regarding cyber security but I think he was right to ask for verbal or posted confirmation before we sent over a large amount of money.

I think it might be wise to ask MNHQ to pull this thread.

JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson I completely agree.

OP you have explained yourself enough. Why not start a thread to discuss other things, if you want. Anything about troublesome teens invite me to join. You don't need to hear from people who have not read the thread.

Oblomov20 I can't speak for op but she has a lot on her plate and has paid so I think this thread is now redundant. Glad you spotted what I was referring to.

Op I will now out now but wish you all the best.

@Farontothemaddingcrowd - I agree that it might be best to ask MN to pull the thread now.

I think it's actually a shame that they don't close threads for commenting when they reach this point - all that's happening now is new people coming to the thread to respond to the initial post, without reading all the updates, and I can't see that anything new is going to be said of benefit to the OP - more likely that they will be ignorant and harsh responses. Locking the thread would be such a good idea at this point - but you, @Farontothemaddingcrowd, could hide it now so that at least you don't have to see it.

I hope your DD gets the help she needs this year and that the online bullying is dealt with properly - if it's really bad, consider reporting it to the police (If you haven't already done so).
Happy New Year!

The police were involved and ended up speaking to an adult male who drunkenly verbally abused my dd at 10pm. His daughter was bullying mine and was put in isolation by school, so she went home and told daddy that my 14 year old was harassing her... police went to school and assemblies were held. There were adults on Facebook involved in the bullying and everything. Meanwhile dd attempted suicide and sliced her arm to ribbons. And I missed an invoice, 4 days after it was sent.

op please ask Mumsnet to pull the thread if you wish to.

@Farontothemaddingcrowd

The police were involved and ended up speaking to an adult male who drunkenly verbally abused my dd at 10pm. His daughter was bullying mine and was put in isolation by school, so she went home and told daddy that my 14 year old was harassing her... police went to school and assemblies were held. There were adults on Facebook involved in the bullying and everything. Meanwhile dd attempted suicide and sliced her arm to ribbons. And I missed an invoice, 4 days after it was sent.

Massive ((((hugs)))) to you and your DD. I'd get the thread pulled lovely, I really would.

He was unnecessarily rude! Some people are just like that , I would ignore him. You know you intended to pay so Dont waste anymore time letting that man upset you.
For all the posters who don’t understand how this could be fraud: I know someone who was buying a second hand car, his emails with the dealer got intercepted , he paid the ‘dealer’ by bank transfer, but when he went to get the car it turns out he’d paid a fraudster instead. So yes waiting for verbal or postal confirmation of bank details would have been smarter/safer

@LittleBearPad

"Parish churches don’t have millions in the bank - the Church of England does. Parish churches have their collection. Their diocese will require them to pay a certain amount of money over. It does run on a shoestring. Most are lucky to have one vicar looking after 2 or 3 (or more) churches with rotating services."

Parish churches are part of the Church of England, which is choosing not to support them financially because it would rather keep its millions/billions in the bank. Those millions/billions came from donations from people who presumably wanted their money to be used for the benefit of the members of Church of England, rather than just to sit in bank accounts earning interest. The shoestring is a creation of those who run the church and determine its priorities.

You should never depend on emailed bank details, always get verbal confirmation. I’ve read too many stories of money going missing, and individuals losing thousands. I think YANBU.

Also, very sorry about your daughter

Gosh op, I'm late to this thread but couldn't scroll past. Your poor daughter, and you, that's a lot to cope with.
In relation to the email: the treasurer sounds like an oversensitive prick. I hope he isn't representative of the rest of the church. In the great scheme of things, this is a very trivial thing that he has made a huge issue of.
I think he is the one that needs forgiveness, not you. Don't beat yourself up, trust that the other church members know what he is like, and that they see the situation for the small misunderstanding that it was.
And forgive yourself.