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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband ignoring me

227 replies

Cos12345 · 29/12/2020 19:56

So my husband got very drunk boxing day night, with dd and two stepsons.
I went to bed they were so noisy I slept in spare room, they then drunkenly couldn't find me at half two so d called family and friends but didn't look in house for me
Next morning noone is talking to me, kitchen and house is a mess with bottles and food. Someone has thrown up in sink, still we are on day three of no talking dh is sleeping on sofa and I'm.uoset ! should I apologise!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cos12345 · 01/01/2021 12:20

I just wanted to check that I could travel from tier 4 to another house in tier 4 , the police were really good if you're in any domestic situation you can leave .
My dd and I have cried chatted and I've laid down truths out with her today
She's coming with me so alarm is on - number has been changed
Both locks have been put on ( I have the only key for the second lock) and lights are on timers curtains all closed. And off we go

OP posts:
isitsafetocomeoutyet · 01/01/2021 12:36

Just wanted to say well done op. I've only just read your entire thread. You are awesome.

Stay strong. New year. New fresh start Thanks

FortunesFavour · 01/01/2021 12:41

Good for you OP. I can only echo what others have said - he sounds like a bullying dick and his immature behaviour towards you is totally unacceptable. It’s really hard now but you seem like a strong and level headed lady, albeit you’re having a shitty time atm. He has absolutely done you a favour. Don’t back down! Your future self will thank you for breaking free from the selfish eejit. Chin up chicken x

GabsAlot · 01/01/2021 13:03

good luck op im glad you made up with dd take care of yourself

billy1966 · 01/01/2021 13:29

Well done OP.

Good for you.

Particularly with your daughter.

Her behaviour was disgraceful.

Please watch her carefully and don't hesitate to pull her up sharply.

Glad you have contacted the police too.

Stay safeFlowers

Confusedismyname · 01/01/2021 13:46

Well done OP. What an arsehole. You will be so much better without him.

billybagpuss · 01/01/2021 14:13

Well done, that’s incredibly proactive of you, by the time lockdown is over you will be a new woman.

How is DD? Does she know?

And I know you possibly want to limit the amount of info you put on here, but on a few threads in the past the op has found it useful to keep a timeline.

Nanny0gg · 01/01/2021 14:50

@billy1966

Thank God for that. Change the locks and think twice about giving s new key to your daughter.

I'm sorry OP, but she does not sound like a nice young woman.

Think long and hard about her treatment of you.

She badly needs a dose of reality.

If any on my children behaved so badly towards me, I wouldn't hesitate to provide them with that dose.

Your daughter needs very firmly putting in her place.

I strongly advise you not to forget her mirroring that abusive man in YOUR home.

Pack his bags and have them by the door.

Mind yourself.Flowers

But they're married!

It isn't that cut and dried

billy1966 · 01/01/2021 14:56

It's the OP's house and he has left her.

No shared ownership.
No shared paying of morgage.

Short marriage of 3 years.
He moved in with her.
And he left the home and her.

It's a lot less complicated than what a lot of women face in an abusive marriage.

Thankfully.

CandyLeBonBon · 01/01/2021 15:41

I was always led to believe (from MN) that marriage meant that assets were shared even if the other party wasn't named on the mortgage and even if only one party paid the mortgage. If it's a short marriage he may not be entitled to much but it's entirely possibly he's entitled to try and claim SOMETHING.

WhatsErFace2020 · 01/01/2021 16:02

Well done you OP - glad you and DD have reconciled

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/01/2021 16:37

Yes Candy he may be entitled to something. And he can arrange a court hearing via a solicitor to get that agreed as part of the divorce.

Until then he only has the possibility of a lien... and OP has the benefit of time, paperwork and, hopefully, determination to protect what is hers, including her home and her dad!

CandyLeBonBon · 01/01/2021 17:41

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Yes Candy he may be entitled to something. And he can arrange a court hearing via a solicitor to get that agreed as part of the divorce.

Until then he only has the possibility of a lien... and OP has the benefit of time, paperwork and, hopefully, determination to protect what is hers, including her home and her dad!

That's good to know - these things can get messy and unpleasant when Ex partners get nasty. Hope this all plays out simply for you op. Thanks
fuzzymoon · 01/01/2021 18:12

Well done. The strength in you is incredible.

Keep strong , keep moving forward.

Illy605 · 02/01/2021 13:15

I hope you’re doing ok OP. For what it’s worth, your husband sounds like an absolute prick and you’re so much better off without him!!

LadyOfTheFlowers · 13/01/2021 13:39

Just checked in here as was watching.... Shock

Can't believe it! A lucky escape though I'd say!

I hope you're still managing to stay strong and he isn't trying to weasel his way back into your life

Original poster
Cos12345 · 13/01/2021 16:45

Update
We have split, I have a solicitors appointment on Friday.
He's tried to sweet talk but I'm not having it!
Thank you all

OP posts:
TheSilly · 13/01/2021 16:49

Well done op! Is he moving out?

katy1213 · 13/01/2021 16:51

Well done - and happy new year without him!

Aria999 · 13/01/2021 17:05

Late to the thread but good riddance. Helpful of him to remove himself and save you the bother of chucking him out.

SpudsandGravy · 13/01/2021 17:25

Well done, OP. Be strong Thanks

WB205020 · 13/01/2021 17:31

Did he come back OP or has he been gone all this time? I'm sorry to hear you have split. Regardless of what has happened recently a relationship breakdown is usually a sad occurrence.

How are things with your DD and Step kids?

WhatsAParlay · 13/01/2021 17:33

Sorry you've split but honestly I think you have done the right thing. Nobody needs baggage like him

Chuckleknuckles · 13/01/2021 17:36

Fair play to you, OP. I just read this for the first time. I bet you’ll look back and thank the lord that this whole episode happened.
Best of luck. By the way I hope your daughter apologised to you. Her behaviour was absolutely not ok.

GretaSheen · 13/01/2021 18:33

Amazing news. Well done OP 👏