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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband ignoring me

227 replies

Cos12345 · 29/12/2020 19:56

So my husband got very drunk boxing day night, with dd and two stepsons.
I went to bed they were so noisy I slept in spare room, they then drunkenly couldn't find me at half two so d called family and friends but didn't look in house for me
Next morning noone is talking to me, kitchen and house is a mess with bottles and food. Someone has thrown up in sink, still we are on day three of no talking dh is sleeping on sofa and I'm.uoset ! should I apologise!

OP posts:
Chickenwing · 31/12/2020 17:15

Let the fucker go! Kick him out. You deserve so much more than him! Im so sorry your upset over a horrible person like that.

bluebeck · 31/12/2020 17:16

Totaly agree with PP.
How much of his stuff has he taken and do you know where he has gone? Bin bag the rest and drop it off there.

Change the locks and make an appointment to see a solicitor as early as you can on 2021. He has treated you appallingly and his leaving is designed to bring you back into line/under his boots.

Fuck him. You will have a much happier 2021 without him. In the meantime Mumsnetters are great at giving practical help and advice.

Do you own or rent? Do you know about finances? Pensions/savings/other assets? Flowers

snowythesnow · 31/12/2020 17:21

Just caught up with the thread. Just so you know OP his behaviour this past week was abusive. Ignoring and not talking to you like that is so sooooo toxic. He's clearly a wankbag and has saved you a job.

Pour yourself a glass of fizz and cheers to a new year with a sudden loss of a few stone Glitterball

Ratbagcatbag · 31/12/2020 17:27

He's upping the stakes. Please please don't beg him to come back. That's what he wants. You to fall into line.
Think "thank fuck" and change the locks.

GabsAlot · 31/12/2020 17:29

wow does he always behave like this-they were so drunk they coldnt find your in their own house and somehow thats your fault because you wouldnt get drunk

manipulative-do you apologise alot op

burblish · 31/12/2020 17:32

Oh, OP. I can’t imagine how much it hurts right now but please know that you are worth more than this and do not take this selfish arsehole back. You deserve so much more. Flowers

BrightonForWine · 31/12/2020 17:33

Thank God he left!

Good riddance! At least you don't have to worry about the weather and lack of car now.

Imagine when he tells his family and friends why he's left you?

"My kids came round, we had a bit to drink and she slept in the spare room. Couldnt find her! So I was so angry I left!"

They will think "wow, what a cock."

BlueSuffragette · 31/12/2020 17:34

OP one day you will be so glad he's gone. He abused you. You deserve so much better. When the clock strikes 12 tonight view it as the start of a new year and new beginning for you. On Tuesday make an appointment with a solicitor and start divorce proceedings. Do not let him back. He thinks you will cry and beg him to come home. Instead tell him you are glad it's over.Maybe DD will choose to live with him. If she stays, she lives by your new rules. Take charge of your life now. Best of luck xx

CandyLeBonBon · 31/12/2020 17:43

I agree with op that this is more just one night's worth of anger. I'm guessing he can be an arsehole in other ways too. Hope he didn't slam the door on his way out! Thanks

waitrosetrollydolly · 31/12/2020 17:47

Oh gosh, I didn't see that coming . Agree with previous posts, don't do the pick me dance. He's a twat and you are better off without him.

Baconking · 31/12/2020 17:52

@Cos12345

Hes just left me
Thank god!

Change the locks!!

SingingSands · 31/12/2020 18:02

Oh Cos. He wants you to feel bad, he wants you to ask him back. You're not boring, you're free!
X

ladymuck111 · 31/12/2020 18:11

Well at least he had the decency to leave after ignoring you for days. I'm sorry for you OP but honestly he's done the best thing he could for you by going.

loobylou10 · 31/12/2020 18:20

Please
Stop being sad and start being angry.
Stop letting him call the shots and take control.
Don't let him back

Shouldbedoing · 31/12/2020 18:26

You can't legally change the locks, but you can leave your key in the lock and the chain on for your security. Call 999 if he kicks off. Can you exit via the back door if you need to go out? He will be bluffing and expecting you to beg him to return. Don't! He has set you free.

MrsSDK · 31/12/2020 18:29

OP I know you’re scared and in shock but please don’t panic and beg him! Imagine this time next year and being free! You are worth so much more! Stay calm and the vicious bastard fuck off! Then take him for all you can! Don’t be sad, be angry!!!!

ArrowsOfMistletoe · 31/12/2020 19:06

I know you must be in shock, but this needs to be a turning point for you. Take him at his word. Accept you are over and get rid of him. He's an abusive drunken tosspot who doesn't give a damn about you, and you deserve better. Go and get it.

Lachimolala · 31/12/2020 19:36

Sounds like you’re the family scapegoat and have been for quite some time, I was the family scapegoat growing up, my emotionally abusive family would find any reason to make everything my fault somehow even if it made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Of course he’s ‘left you’ for once you haven’t fallen into line and played the key assigned to you. He is so painfully obvious in his textbook emotional abuse it’s embarrassing.

Let him leave you and school your madam of a daughter on respect, healthy boundaries and relationships.

Let this be the start of your new life!!

Calmandmeasured1 · 31/12/2020 19:50

I hope you feel grateful that he has left you. He has done you a big favour. You deserve much better than to be ignored for days in end. He is really childish and nasty.
I wish you a really happy new year, one where you realise your worth and you do cast off the old and make way for the new. It might be scary but it is better to be alone for now than with someone who cares so little for you that he treats you like dirt.

VettiyaIruken · 31/12/2020 19:56

In time you'll look back on this and thank fuck the rubbish took itself out. Flowers

lilylongjohn · 31/12/2020 20:10

He's just given you the best Xmas pressy ever Thanks

QueenofDestruction · 31/12/2020 20:22

What is weird is considering substance abuse as having fun. I drink but getting drunk is bad and you think the OP is weird, most normal people out if their 20s don't get drunk for fun.

Nonamesavail · 31/12/2020 20:32

I'm so sorry OP. My ex was like this would say its my fault being boring etc. Let him go x

HollyGenneroMcClane · 31/12/2020 20:41

He will come back. Leaving, and threatening to leave, is another way emotional Abusers wear down their victims. Be strong and dont listen to a word he says. He adds no value to your life.

HTH1 · 31/12/2020 21:05

It hurts now but you have had a lucky escape and are free now. It must be so lonely being married to such an arsehole.