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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband ignoring me

227 replies

Cos12345 · 29/12/2020 19:56

So my husband got very drunk boxing day night, with dd and two stepsons.
I went to bed they were so noisy I slept in spare room, they then drunkenly couldn't find me at half two so d called family and friends but didn't look in house for me
Next morning noone is talking to me, kitchen and house is a mess with bottles and food. Someone has thrown up in sink, still we are on day three of no talking dh is sleeping on sofa and I'm.uoset ! should I apologise!

OP posts:
Sodamncaughtinthemiddle · 31/12/2020 16:03

Sending love OP
He sounds a bully - let him go

billybagpuss · 31/12/2020 16:03

Sending hugs.

No practical advice, are you feeling up to sorting through cupboards and getting finances in order?

Has he gone or will you have to cohabit for a while.

It will have its stresses but hoping 2021 will be your year.

Lollypop701 · 31/12/2020 16:13

Honestly you have done nothing wrong, and I think you will be happier once it’s settled. I think he’s used to you apologising and when you didn’t he tried to bully you into it, then had a major strop when that didn’t work. You tried to talk, but he’s so used to getting his own way only your usual apology would do. He may try to backpedal once he realises you’re not going to backdown. Think very carefully if he does... I’d want him to attend to counselling tbh

An0n0n0n · 31/12/2020 16:17

How terribly predictable. How long until you go begging and tell him you're sorry and you'll change. Very depressing.

Nowstrong · 31/12/2020 16:18

I think you will be better off without him. Sorry about the attitude your daughter has. Take care.

Whythesadface · 31/12/2020 16:19

Let him go, he is using this to hurt you.

planningaheadtoday · 31/12/2020 16:19

He's really manipulating you. You didn't fall into line (maybe you usually would) and he just couldn't cope with you not apologising for being in the wrong.

You had absolutely nothing to apologise for, he on the other hand most definitely did.

I had an abusive ex husband who would always always expect me to apologise. He reasoning was because he was always right, he actually said this.

Now I live with a well adjusted, emotionally connected man I can see how very wonky my past has been.

This isn't normal or healthy although I would have sworn it was in my previous life. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

FangsForTheMemory · 31/12/2020 16:22

Which one of them threw up in the sink? I'd want an answer to that, for a start.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 31/12/2020 16:23

He's done you a favour, now delete his number so you aren't tempted to call and appologize. Do not let him back in he's a bullying arse.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 31/12/2020 16:30

He didn't get what he wanted, in terms of you dancing to his tune and apologising when you'd done nothing wrong, so he's upped the stakes.

Change the locks and tell him that you're glad he's gone as it's saved you chucking him out.

Dizzy1234 · 31/12/2020 16:32

Happy fucking New year OP 😢 chin up chick 💐

Pinotwoman82 · 31/12/2020 16:32

This is awful I’m so sorry

SpiderGwen · 31/12/2020 16:45

Wishing you strength, @Cos12345.

He’s behaved appallingly. I am so sorry you’ve been subjected to this.

Starlightstarbright1 · 31/12/2020 16:46

I expect he is waiting for your apology and begging him to come home.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 31/12/2020 16:49

It doesn’t feel like it now. But be grateful he’s done what you couldn’t and called time on this shitty relationship. You deserve better. Flowers. You’ll get through this and come out of it realising that such nasty disrespectful behaviour has no place in a loving marriage. Your DD has obviously picked up some of his abusive traits while living with him too. So hopefully without his influence - and with some boundaries put in place by you about you expect to be treated by people in your own home - she might not be past saving. He clearly is.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 31/12/2020 16:49

@BrightYellowDaffodil

He didn't get what he wanted, in terms of you dancing to his tune and apologising when you'd done nothing wrong, so he's upped the stakes.

Change the locks and tell him that you're glad he's gone as it's saved you chucking him out.

100% this
Original poster
Cos12345 · 31/12/2020 16:51

Thanks everyone x

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 31/12/2020 16:52

I would be telling them to get a fuckkmg grip and grow up.

HavelockVetinari · 31/12/2020 16:55

He's really manipulating you. You didn't fall into line (maybe you usually would) and he just couldn't cope with you not apologising for being in the wrong.

^ this. If I were you I'd do the Freedom Programme, it'll help you find the strength to stand up to him. What kind of a man behaves like he has done? An abusive one, that's what.

RogueRebel · 31/12/2020 16:56

This is a abusive relationship, my ex would do the same to me over drinking or if I felt unwell. It all started when I was pregnant with my first child and I could not stomach meat! The smell the sight of raw or cooked meat would make me so sick I couldn't be around it and I got all the emotional abuse about it. He'd lost his best friend because o was carrying his child and was getting side effects. That was the start of two years of emotional and financial abuse. I had to keep up with what he wanted and it was exhausting. Honestly you are better off without him.

WonderfulWinde · 31/12/2020 16:57

Wow isn't he an abusive arse.

It's difficult but let the fucker go.

What a childish prat.

Fungster · 31/12/2020 17:00

What a bellend. He's leaving you because you're biting and don't get drunk? What is he, 14? Knobhead.

Fungster · 31/12/2020 17:00

Boring, not biting!

ToniTheDonkey · 31/12/2020 17:01

@Cos12345

Said I'm boring and don't join in when they are all drunk so that's it decision has been made by him
It hurts but you’re now free from life with an alcohol dependant man. Your liver will thank you. (I come from a family of alcoholics and I can’t bear being around drunk people)
Craftycorvid · 31/12/2020 17:14

Gosh, I’m sorry, OP! What startlingly nasty behaviour. It sounds like a case of you getting increasingly fed up with being expected to collude with problem drinking (you said this is by no means the first time). He’s attacking in order to normalise his behaviour and engineer an excuse to flounce off. So that’s you free of a boring drunk Flowers. My best wishes for a very much brighter 2021.