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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband ignoring me

227 replies

Cos12345 · 29/12/2020 19:56

So my husband got very drunk boxing day night, with dd and two stepsons.
I went to bed they were so noisy I slept in spare room, they then drunkenly couldn't find me at half two so d called family and friends but didn't look in house for me
Next morning noone is talking to me, kitchen and house is a mess with bottles and food. Someone has thrown up in sink, still we are on day three of no talking dh is sleeping on sofa and I'm.uoset ! should I apologise!

OP posts:

Original poster

Cos12345 · 30/12/2020 19:57

Thank you all x

OP posts:

Bookworming · 30/12/2020 20:08

Bloody hell you're being treated unfairly OP!

toocold54 · 30/12/2020 20:09

Is there anywhere you can stay for a few nights?

I would leave so you are mot feeling uncomfortable in your own home but it won’t do them any harm to miss you and realise how wrong their behaviour is.

Is it worrying how long this is going on for! All you did was go to bed early! I guess usually you go along with what he wants to do but because you didn’t this time he needs to make sure you don’t do it again so he is trying to regain his control.

toocold54 · 30/12/2020 20:11

He is an abuser. He is emotionally abusing you to try and control you. And your daughter is mirroring his behavior as she thinks it is normal and therefore may find herself in a relationship with an abuser soon.

THIS!!!

Although your daughter has acted horribly too, I am extremely worried that she is witnessing this and seeing it as normal.

How would you feel if her husband was treating her like this in the future? What would you tell her to do?

Cherrysoup · 30/12/2020 20:49

I think they’re both abusive and incredibly stupid. You did nothing wrong, they wrecked the house and we’re too pissed to find you. Idiots. He does this regularly? I couldn’t live like that.Are you just going to carry on like this?

tiredybear · 30/12/2020 20:55

this post is really sad. I am so sorry OP. What a bunch of arseholes.

Hope you can find somewhere more positive to spend your time and attention.

ladymuck111 · 30/12/2020 21:04

Pack a bag and go stay somewhere if that's at all possible. I bet your husband soon apologises if he thinks other people know about his shitty behaviour. He'll want everyone to think he's the good guy.

You have nothing to apologise for at all. I'd have been blazing in your shoes.

Original poster

Cos12345 · 31/12/2020 13:42

Just an update
I tried again last night he ignored me
I have tried today but he just ignored me said nothing to talk about , Al my fault because he was worried where I was, no apology, just sitting in the kitchen watching TV and ignoring me.
I'm in floods of tears he doesn't care

OP posts:

june2007 · 31/12/2020 13:49

Well this is much bigger then the getting drunk thing isn,t it. Talk about something else otherwise you are going to go round in circles.

Bookworming · 31/12/2020 13:58

@Cos12345 are hotels open? Go to one if they are, pack up a few bits, a bottle of wine and bloody just go!

He's a total wanker!

billybagpuss · 31/12/2020 14:02

With the exception of the last week, are you happy in your marriage? I can’t imagine being with someone who thinks this is an ok way to treat someone and I think you’ve reached the point where you point this out to him.

Is dd still being awful too?

TooYoungToNotice · 31/12/2020 14:17

He does care that you are in floods of tears. He is engineering this situation to assert his dominance, and he is enjoying it. He is enjoying watching you squirm, he's enjoying your attempts to speak to him, he's enjoying your pain.

This is a form of emotional abuse. He is training you to accept any future abuse of this type without objection.

There are some really good threads about stonewalling on here and how pernicious and damaging it is. I really hope you can get the help and support you need.

MrsDoctorDear · 31/12/2020 14:25

Bloodyhell OP you need to get angry.
They are taking the piss because you let them.

Things will never change if you don't stand up for yourself.

billy1966 · 31/12/2020 14:43

OP,

Horrendous behaviour.

But honestly, and I mean this kindly, you need to find some self respect.

I my child behaved like that towards me, it would NOT be me cracking...for however long it went on.

You are in a highly toxic house.

You need to find somewhere to go.
Pack a bag and leave.
And do NOT return.

To allow anyone treat you like that is appalling.

For you to want to be in a relationship with someone who would treat you like this is appalling.

Your daughter deserves to be thrown out of home.

She clearly has zero respect for you.

We teach people how to treat us.

They are beyond nasty.

Ask your friend can you stay with her to get away from this poisonous house.

waitrosetrollydolly · 31/12/2020 15:21

Last time my husband ignored me and stopped talking after clearly being in the wrong I left him to stew for a week while I lay on a sunbed in Spain. I left my phone at home. With a note, saying he was welcome to join me if he wanted. The dafty didnt find either until they day I came home. He did meet me at the airport with a bunch of flowers .

Original poster

Cos12345 · 31/12/2020 15:37

Hes just left me

OP posts:

Original poster

Cos12345 · 31/12/2020 15:42

Said I'm boring and don't join in when they are all drunk so that's it decision has been made by him

OP posts:

toocold54 · 31/12/2020 15:46

Hes just left me

It was obvious he didn’t like you OP. This is what happens when you stand up to a controlling bully they can’t cope so leave.

I would usually say sorry but in this case congratulations seems more accurate.

You are now free to live your life and not walk around on egg shells in your own home. Do nit even discuss with him about taking him back to and find someone who worships the ground you walk on and then show him what he is missing.

PamelaMcRise · 31/12/2020 15:46

my husband left me nine years ago. he's now married to a man and living in france :-(

TellySavalashairbrush · 31/12/2020 15:50

All power games, including his threat of leaving. Ignore, ignore and as upset as you may feel let it be known you won’t tolerate this awful behaviour. Your dd also needs a dressing down, shameful behaviour towards her mum.

Original poster

Cos12345 · 31/12/2020 15:51

😔😭

OP posts:

mogtheexcellent · 31/12/2020 15:54

Good. Saves you chucking him out.

Now to sit your DD down and explain about respect.

Bookworming · 31/12/2020 15:55

I hope he had the decency of taking your daughter with him?

fuzzymoon · 31/12/2020 15:59

I wish you had made the decision but it's the right decision that you are no longer together for your sake. He's awful.

Stay strong. This is the beginning of a better life for you.

Carolofthebellies · 31/12/2020 16:01

OP, what does your DD say? Still supports him?

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