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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband ignoring me

227 replies

Cos12345 · 29/12/2020 19:56

So my husband got very drunk boxing day night, with dd and two stepsons.
I went to bed they were so noisy I slept in spare room, they then drunkenly couldn't find me at half two so d called family and friends but didn't look in house for me
Next morning noone is talking to me, kitchen and house is a mess with bottles and food. Someone has thrown up in sink, still we are on day three of no talking dh is sleeping on sofa and I'm.uoset ! should I apologise!

OP posts:
lilylongjohn · 31/12/2020 21:29

What @HollyGenneroMcClane said

He will come back. Leaving, and threatening to leave, is another way emotional Abusers wear down their victims. Be strong and dont listen to a word he says. He adds no value to your life

Aweebawbee · 31/12/2020 21:33

Sounds as though his whole family is addicted to drama and has normalised this kind of behavior. Maybe he wants in on the action. Don't get sucked in, you're better than that. He needs to lie in the bed he's made for himself.

Yeahnahmum · 31/12/2020 21:40

Hell be back. And ignore you again. ..
Your dh is horrible.... and your dd is aweful too. How isnt she grounded??? Why did you even contemplate on apologizing ? Tell your dd to grow the F up and stop acting like a spoiled brat. And tell your dh to dont bother coming back without an apology.

And in the meanwhile make a list of all the pros and cons of your relationship /dh. I am pretty sure you'll realise very quickly how poorly your marriage is and that it is time to let it goòo

Original poster
Cos12345 · 31/12/2020 22:32

I had a bubbly bath with a glass or two of wine, have turned the heating up high, changed my sheets and guy the whole bed to myself, yep I'm sad but I'm not giving in, I've read all your posts thanks for making me realise how bloody stupid I've been. No more
I'm independent, the house is mine, her can sort this life out and meet an exciting new idiot

OP posts:
snowisfallingallaroundus · 31/12/2020 22:42

I'm beyond furious on your behalf.

What a self centred shit.

Stop chasing him to try and make it better. He knows you do that and so sits back, confident you will keep coming back.

Stay strong.

toocold54 · 31/12/2020 22:57

OP I have never been so happy to read an update before!! I can’t believe how strong you are!! We could all learn a lesson from you well done!

Here’s to 2021 where you life just keeps getting better Wine

pheonixrebirth · 31/12/2020 23:26

Dear @Cos12345 , the crime you are being punished for is going to sleep! WTF! Please realise your worth! It is much more than you are being treated by the way!

Tiktaktoe · 31/12/2020 23:45

As others have said, change your locks. Make it clear to your daughter that she can shape up or ship the fuck out too.

billy1966 · 31/12/2020 23:54

Next job you need to do is read your daughter the riot act.

Her behaviour has been truly appalling.

She shouldn't be allowed to behave so badly in your house.

She has ignored you for days.
Utterly disgraceful conduct.

billy1966 · 31/12/2020 23:55

@Tiktaktoe

As others have said, change your locks. Make it clear to your daughter that she can shape up or ship the fuck out too.
Couldn't putbit better myself. 👏👏
EdgeOfACoin · 01/01/2021 00:22

Another vote for changing the locks. He has left you. I can't understand why a PP said it would be illegal.

Honestly, normal, healthy relationships don't look like what you have described. He sounds like a child.

Thehop · 01/01/2021 00:43

What @HollyGenneroMcClane said

He will come back. Leaving, and threatening to leave, is another way emotional Abusers wear down their victims. Be strong and dont listen to a word he says. He adds no value to your life

Darbs76 · 01/01/2021 00:45

Stay strong. Whatever you do do not take this man back. Truly shocked a couple of posters said you were in the wrong, they need their heads wobbling. Just because you didn’t want to get so drunk you threw up? They acted like children, they should have been the ones ashamed instead victim blaming. Not good

2020wish · 01/01/2021 00:55

Wow. What a bellend. Ur daughter needs to be put in her place also

CandyLeBonBon · 01/01/2021 01:01

@EdgeOfACoin

Another vote for changing the locks. He has left you. I can't understand why a PP said it would be illegal.

Honestly, normal, healthy relationships don't look like what you have described. He sounds like a child.

Because if he is also a co-owner or a joint tenant, it's illegal. Much as people might wish it wasn't.
CandyLeBonBon · 01/01/2021 01:04

@Cos12345

I had a bubbly bath with a glass or two of wine, have turned the heating up high, changed my sheets and guy the whole bed to myself, yep I'm sad but I'm not giving in, I've read all your posts thanks for making me realise how bloody stupid I've been. No more I'm independent, the house is mine, her can sort this life out and meet an exciting new idiot
Is the house just in your name poor are you jointly involved?
Original poster
Cos12345 · 01/01/2021 10:12

House is in my name, he moved in with me when we married three years ago, he isn't on the mortgage and I pay the mortgage

OP posts:
billy1966 · 01/01/2021 10:17

Thank God for that.
Change the locks and think twice about giving s new key to your daughter.

I'm sorry OP, but she does not sound like a nice young woman.

Think long and hard about her treatment of you.

She badly needs a dose of reality.

If any on my children behaved so badly towards me, I wouldn't hesitate to provide them with that dose.

Your daughter needs very firmly putting in her place.

I strongly advise you not to forget her mirroring that abusive man in YOUR home.

Pack his bags and have them by the door.

Mind yourself.Flowers

billybagpuss · 01/01/2021 10:25

Morning @Cos12345

You must be feeling bloody awful today, but there are plenty of silver linings here. For today be kind to yourself, sending you hugs and tomorrow start being proactive 💐🍷

2020wish · 01/01/2021 10:31

It is a huge red flag ur daughter was mirroring his actions. That speaks volumes. Don’t let him back

TheWernethWife · 01/01/2021 10:46

Hi OP just sending supporting thoughts to you. These twats have certainly disrespected you over the years.

As for them not finding you in the spare room - do you live in Dowtown Abbey?

Original poster
Cos12345 · 01/01/2021 11:04

That made me smile about downtown abbey!
Def not a manor house, a 1930 semi with rooms on several floors , they just didn't use their normal sober mode ! Probably because it's the first time I've done it!
I've switched my phone off today and when I'm sorted I'm going to block his number change mine and as hard as it is I'm going to sort the house and him going on Monday - I'm allowed to leave the tier for domestic support I called the police this morning so I'm off to my od later this morning for a few days. He'll be back at work next week so won't bother me until then by going away it will give me a break and down strength .
Thanks once again you have all been amazing

OP posts:
lyinginthegutterstaringatstars · 01/01/2021 11:09

I cringe that a dad is getting drunk with his grown up children/ step children.

toocold54 · 01/01/2021 11:47

Fantastic update OP!! You will look back on this in a few weeks time and be so glad you were so strong and dignified!

I can imagine how confused he must be that you’re not begging for him back and he’s bot getting his own way.

Prepare yourself for the usual tricks - guilt tripping you, becoming aggressive/acting like you can’t do any better, then crying/begging for your forgiveness.

Any contact with him put it on here to get advice from MNs who have been in your situation.

soitwasyouallalong · 01/01/2021 11:51

Just wanted to send strength and courage your way op, so impressed with how you have accepted how shit he is and know your own self worth. I wish I was as strong as you!

Has your daughter always acted this way toward you or only since he has been around? Either way, I hope she is able to get some counselling and learns to really understand his actions are abusive and he manipulated her as well as you.
Will she be going with you or remaining at your house? If she's remaining can she be trusted atm to not fuck your or your home over?

Can I ask why you called the police? I no doubt missed a part of the thread - sorry.

I hope the break away helps you remain focused to divorce him and get rid entirely.

Xxx

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