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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband ignoring me

227 replies

Cos12345 · 29/12/2020 19:56

So my husband got very drunk boxing day night, with dd and two stepsons.
I went to bed they were so noisy I slept in spare room, they then drunkenly couldn't find me at half two so d called family and friends but didn't look in house for me
Next morning noone is talking to me, kitchen and house is a mess with bottles and food. Someone has thrown up in sink, still we are on day three of no talking dh is sleeping on sofa and I'm.uoset ! should I apologise!

OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 29/12/2020 22:03

I'm obviously in the minority here but i think it's super weird that your whole family wss having fun together at Christmas and you fucked off to sleep in the spare room rather than joining in, even if you didn't want to drink. My mum frequently makes herself a cuppa and stays up when the rest of us are getting drunk and silly - it's prime adult family time! You sloping off to sleep in the spare room would definitely feel passive aggressive to me, and like you were having a bit of a flounce and a judge. Just sounds kinda joyless.

Bootskates · 29/12/2020 22:13

@Ohalrightthen I get the feeling she had been running around after them all day, cooking lunch for them, cleaning up after them etc

Also when you're sober, drunk people can be really annoying especially when they're throwing up in your sink

Ohalrightthen · 29/12/2020 22:19

[quote Bootskates]@Ohalrightthen I get the feeling she had been running around after them all day, cooking lunch for them, cleaning up after them etc

Also when you're sober, drunk people can be really annoying especially when they're throwing up in your sink [/quote]
All the more reason to actually sit down and spend time with them! Also, it was Christmas Eve, so not usually much doing with a house full of adults.

The sleeping in the spare room thing is weird. The fact that the next morning they were ALL ignoring her is indicative of it being something she did, absent massive dripfeed.

ArrowsOfMistletoe · 29/12/2020 22:21

Just dump the lot of them, permanently. Divorce, start single life somewhere peaceful where you don't have to live with a lot of shitheads who walk all over you and expect you to clear up after them. Honestly, life doesn't have to be that way. There's nothing joyless about not wanting to take part in a senseless drunken binge.

Gonkytonk · 29/12/2020 22:21

I hate being around drunk people when I’m sober. Plus nice bit of victim blaming there @Ohalrightthen. Because OP didn’t want to join in she deserves silent treatment and abuse?! You’ve done nothing wrong OP and they’re being vile. I hope you do go stay with a friend.

thepeopleversuswork · 29/12/2020 22:29

Jesus OP what on God's earth makes you think you have anything to apologise for?

Do they routinely treat you like this? I think its time you got away from these awful people. What's keeping you here?

MsMeNz · 29/12/2020 22:31

Enjoy the silence and let them stew.

Original poster
Cos12345 · 29/12/2020 22:33

Just to say it was boxing Day, I had spent the evening having fun but didn't want to get smashed as I was shattered.
And when people are drunk sometimes it's better to stay away! It was no more than that, the boys don't live here so I haven't seen them, they said bye on Sunday as they slipped out the door- no problem,

OP posts:
GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 29/12/2020 23:23

@Cos12345 I honestly don't remember if I've ever said this before but I think you should LTB. Thanks

IamMariahScarey · 29/12/2020 23:32

Tell your DD to get some respect!! Then I would pack a bag and piss off for a few days. Like fuck would I be apologising. Tell them to get bent.

EKGEMS · 29/12/2020 23:40

@Ohalrightthen You're in the minority for a very good reason-your dead wrong about this

EKGEMS · 29/12/2020 23:41

'You're'

Ohalrightthen · 29/12/2020 23:50

[quote EKGEMS]@Ohalrightthen You're in the minority for a very good reason-your dead wrong about this [/quote]
I just think it's really weird, after the year we've all had, to ditch your family when theyre having fun together, and EXTRA weird to go to the spare room.

Godimabitch · 29/12/2020 23:56

They're bloody horrible! You deserve better, I'm glad you're starting to see that. Stay strong.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 30/12/2020 00:08

ohalrightthen so you can't get your head around a person needing their own space, when tired? We must all automatically want to spend every moment with extended family? FFS what part of basic empathy are you missing?

I am far from a #bekind aficionado but your posts promote an idealisation of family time over all that is really blinkered.

If your mum ever said "I'm sorry I'm tired and going to bed" instead of getting a cup of tea, what would your reaction be? I really hope it wouldn't be guilt tripping about "spoiling the fun".

toocold54 · 30/12/2020 00:11

If my entire family is celebrating I try and stay awake with them but sometimes when you’re knackered it’s not possible and if you’ve spent the entire day with them then you’re not going to be missed anyway.

I’m really shocked about how you’re being treated in your own home. What is more worrying is that you have left it so long to question him! Like his behaviour is acceptable or you don’t want to rock the boat.

I would be kicking him out of the house. It is one thing to be a prat and argue but he is influencing your teenage daughter and she is seeing that this kind of disrespectful behaviour is ok. He needs to be showing her how a respectful relationship works and if he’s not giving you that then you need to show her that you don’t put up with that else she is going to end up in a bad relationship too.

Ohalrightthen · 30/12/2020 00:13

@mrsmalcolmreynolds

ohalrightthen so you can't get your head around a person needing their own space, when tired? We must all automatically want to spend every moment with extended family? FFS what part of basic empathy are you missing?

I am far from a #bekind aficionado but your posts promote an idealisation of family time over all that is really blinkered.

If your mum ever said "I'm sorry I'm tired and going to bed" instead of getting a cup of tea, what would your reaction be? I really hope it wouldn't be guilt tripping about "spoiling the fun".

After the year we've just had? At Christmas? Yes, i think it's weird to fuck off to the spare room when your family are having fun together. The fact that no one was talking to her the next day suggests that OP upset them, not the other way round.
AtlasPine · 30/12/2020 00:21

Any adult childish and churlish enough to ignore another adult in his household for 3 days is a fool who knows he has no defence. So talking it through is not an option for this immature individual. I’m so sorry you are married to him.

The trouble with covid is you can’t really get away very easily.

Carolofthebellies · 30/12/2020 00:23

They're using gaslighting against you to make you feel like it's your fault. They were drunk and they made fools out of themselves. They left mess and vomit and didn't clean it. Really vile. I wouldn't apologise to them.

WhatsTheEffingPoint · 30/12/2020 00:26

I'm all for people having a few drinks/ getting drunk but getting to the point you throw up in the kitchen sink and leave it there to be cleared up by someone else is completely out of order. That's just disgusting and disrespectful to the OP.

OP you have nothing to be apologising for, your DP and DD need to be told if they are going to sulk then they can bugger off elsewhere and do it, your house is not a hotel and you are not the maid.

LagunaBubbles · 30/12/2020 00:29

Whats your relationship with DH normally like?

WhatsTheEffingPoint · 30/12/2020 00:33

Also I don't drink, I'm always told I'm the boring one....but I really can't see the fun in drinking so much your sick (what a waste), not remembering anything the next day (how do you know you had a good/bad/embarrassing night) and being fit for nothing the next day.

Realy drunk people irritate me, even more so when I'm tired, so often I've gone to the spare room to get some sleep away from the snoring, talking gibberish and alcohol breath.

So no OP YANBU, why should your feelings get put aside for other people, Christmas or not.

RAOK · 30/12/2020 00:39

I imagine they do this often and the silent treatment/bad atmosphere ends when you apologise even though you’ve done nothing wrong. This time don’t and don’t clean up the pizza mess either. Your daughter has learned this shitty behaviour towards you from your husband.

Taikoo · 30/12/2020 00:43

See a solicitor and divorce the prick in 2021.
You don't have to live like this.
You said yourself that you want to run away.
You don't have to run away but you are allowed to get a divorce you know..

MoltonSilver · 30/12/2020 00:43

I can't stand the whole not talking to people thing. Its no way for an adult to deal with anything. Your daughter has obviously learned that it is a legitimate way to deal with a problem. Its like he feels that what he has to say is so special that withdrawing it a huge punishment. Enjoy the silence. He's an idiot. A family having fun together doesn't involve throwing up in the sink.