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AIBU?

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Original poster

Relative upset when asked not to buy certain things for Dd

517 replies

Mucholoco · 29/12/2020 14:05

Hi Everyone,

So I had a conversation with a relative a few days ago and we started talking about my dd (2y10m) as we normally do. During the conversation we started talking about how my little one loves Frozen and they said ‘oh I’m gonna buy her a frozen play dress’.

Now to put some context in here the only things my husband and I had asked everyone was to not buy dd was princess dress up stuff and loads of pink stuff and we had said this ever since we were pregnant. It’s totally fine if dd asks for them when she is older as it’s her choice but we just didn’t want her to have it thrust upon her. We wanted her to enjoy a range of things before princess stuff entered the picture, as there is plenty of time for that.

So I said to my relative to please not get her that (because of the above) and after I said that I got a lot of passive aggressive remarks about how we were taking the fun out of everything and that they should be allowed to buy whatever they want. So I proceeded to say there was very little we say she can’t have and that I could discuss this with my husband later. Then I got comments about why do I have to run things past him... to which I replied ‘out of respect as he would do the same with me’ and after I said that I was told to drop it and forget it.

AIBU for firstly feeling annoyed that this relative has reacted this way and secondly is it unreasonable for us to ask people to not buy stuff like that until dd asks for it?

Thanks.

OP posts:
MrsSlocombesPussy · 29/12/2020 17:57

I wouldn't worry about it too much. My DD was dressing up as Disney Princesses, fairies from the age of about 3, mainly due to the influence of nursery school and other children.
She grew out of it by the age of about 9 or 10, and now at 16 lives in jeans, hoodies and joggers. Most of the time she can't be arsed with makeup and nail polish etc.
She can't stand all the princess sparkly pink stuff now, but she enjoyed it when she was little

Cyberattack · 29/12/2020 17:59

Not wanting her to have a princess dress, wear pink etc is misogynistic. What is wrong with having things that are associated with the feminine? Your mind has been colonised by the patriarchy if this is what you truly believe.
Also, YOU were pregnant. This is one of the the most powerful thing a woman can be. Don't give it away on a plate!

BeardyButton · 29/12/2020 18:00

YANBU. Gender stereotypes are responsible for so much bloody damage. Well done for trying to acknowledge the effect and do smt about it. As this thread will no doubt show, you ll be up against a brick wall though. What would MN say if it was a little boy your relative wanted to give the princess dress to?

year5teacher · 29/12/2020 18:00

Oh and you’re doing a really good thing by being mindful of this stuff, and also by not doubling down. Flowers

eeyore228 · 29/12/2020 18:02

It’s really sad that she isn’t allowed to dress up! My DD’s have an array of costumes. Shepherd, pirate, a cow (made for a nativity but loved long after), tinker bell, and yes Anna and Elsa. It’s part of make believe! My nephew dressed up as Snow White and the kids had a ball. I would be peeved to be dictated to about would I was allowed to buy. Don’t like it don’t use it, but you aren’t even giving your DD an option. You don’t like it therefore she shouldn’t.

Cyberattack · 29/12/2020 18:03

Furthermore, Elsa is a feminist icon.
Female ruler.
Sisterly love and salvation.
Not interested in male domination.
The suggestion that her life partner will be another woman.
I could go on.

Ideasplease322 · 29/12/2020 18:03

@CharlotteRose90

It’s a bloody dress. My niece is the most tomboy like girl you will ever meet but she loves frozen and moana. I got her dresses and she wears then then a day later it’s back to jeans and a top. Your views are frankly awkward and worrying. Don’t pass your views to your child.
Agreed. As a child I went through extreme tomboy phases - loved wearing rugby shirts. Next thing was my favourite colour was pink - everything had to be pink! Fuchsia is still my favourite colour.

I didn’t stop me studying physics at a level or Getting a masters degree or getting promoted at work.

There is nothing weak about liking girly stuff. It’s sexist to suggest it’s better if girls want to be the boy characters

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 29/12/2020 18:04

@BeardyButton
Well my boys had princess and fairy outfits. Which they used. So I would say the same thing: balance is key.

Reenskar · 29/12/2020 18:04

Yabvu. If she loves Frozen she would love this gift. You sound like hard work and I feel a bit sorry for your DD and your well-meaning relatives Hmm.

Cyberattack · 29/12/2020 18:05

My son loved glitter and necklaces when he was a toddler. He also loved trains. He had the lot. Why not?

Linds29 · 29/12/2020 18:08

Your child so your decision but I think you sound a bit silly, sorry op. I have a girly girl. From a young age she’s been into princess things. Probably because I’ve always bought her bits and bobs.

It’s a dress from a film she likes.

My daughter loves dressing up costumes. She has princess dresses , unicorn outfits amongst other girly ones but she also has a buzz light year and woody costume, tmnt and a pirate costume. She loves them all 🤣

SunshineCake · 29/12/2020 18:15

You are being so silly and quite mean to deny the relative joy in buying a harmless dressing up outfit.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 29/12/2020 18:20

She can have princess dress up and pirate, doctor, scientist dress too you know? Give her a mix. Kids love to dress up. If you were that bothered about princess stuff why let her watch it?!

TJ17 · 29/12/2020 18:21

You say you don't want it "thrust" upon her but by being completely over the top in the opposite direction you're actually "thrusting" upon her the choice to not be allowed anything remotely stereotypically female.

You need to relax more and just accept a toy/dress up item as what it is - just a toy!! Whether it's a princess dress or a fireman's outfit. Doesn't matter!

WankPuffins · 29/12/2020 18:22

Pick.
Your.
Battles.

Let her have the foreseen dress that she will grow out of and will be in the charity shop in two years
Time.

WankPuffins · 29/12/2020 18:22

Frozen. Not forseen. Ffs phone.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 29/12/2020 18:24

@BeardyButton but its not gender stereotype if the little girl loves it , op said she also likes pirates so could have a pirate dress up too
This thread is full of people who said thejr ds had toys that were considered gender stereo types
But surely you but kids things there into and if a little girl is into princesses then why not but her that. ? Actually saying no thats for girls your not having one as i want you to be gender neutral is worse, there kids next week they may want a robot or train or baby doll.
If they have a mix they play with what they want,
People trying to be politically correct all the time instead of just buying what their dc seem to like
My ds had a toy dyson as he was obsessed with them and my other ds a buggy as he liked them , but they also had typical boy toys, some things they liked for ages other things just passing phases.
We let them play with what they wanted without over thinking what it was

CheltenhamLady · 29/12/2020 18:25

If this is really all you have to worry about in the current climate.....YABVU

Turquoise123 · 29/12/2020 18:25

I don’t reply much but wanted to say I am totally with you on this one. I never “ gave in “ with my children ( older now) pretty soon people knew where I was coming from and did not comment any more - not saying that they necessarily agreed with me but it stopped being an issue.

HeyMister · 29/12/2020 18:27

You sound like you love the control OP. You are being very unreasonable. You are not thinking what she might want (who doesn't love a Frozen dress) but what you don't want her to have.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 29/12/2020 18:29

@Turquoise123 so
If your child liked princesses you wouldn't let anyone buy them a dress as that wasn't what you wanted ?
What about your child ? Did they only get toys you wanted them to have rather than what they wanted

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 29/12/2020 18:34

To many people trying to bring there child up with non gender stereo type toys , instead of just letting their children play with a range of toys and make there own minds up
So what of you have A little girl who wants all the pink , glittery , dolls , princesses etc or boys that only want cars and footballs
Same as if the other way round , just let your children be children and play with whatever they want without overthinking it
Half the time they play with a bloody box or the wrapping paper when little anyway
Kids find there own favourite colours and interests as they go along if you expose them to lots of different things or listen to what they like , show interest in

Tal45 · 29/12/2020 18:41

So the film is fine but the dress is not?? Couldn't you just buy her some trousers to even things out. Or tell her boys can wear dresses too if it makes you feel better. You just sound very controlling to me.

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 29/12/2020 18:42

If your daughter has seen and likes Frozen then the princess stuff has already “entered the picture” so what difference does it make if she has an Elsa/Anna outfit? Other than the fact she will probably really like it.

In my experience there’s no point being uptight about princesses and all things pink. It’s not a phase that even lasts that long. My daughter was over that stage aged 5 and happily donated all her princess stuff to either the charity shop, her little brother (who loved a good tiara himself) and the local nursery school.

BasiliskStare · 29/12/2020 18:51

Happy New Year @Muchaloco - I always thought my Ds would have wooden toys - ha ha - he loved plastic pirate ships and other stuff - All very good wishes to you and your family - Basilisk x

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