Emotional abuse in Harry Potter

[MrsRogerLima]

Don't get me wrong, I love Harry Potter but I never thought about the Ron/Hermione thing this way before and she is SO RIGHT.

AIBU to think this is irresponsible in children's literature?

www.bustle.com/articles/198364-ron-hermiones-relationship-in-harry-potter-wasnt-just-disappointing-but-dangerous

@PoleToPole

I do have a soft spot for Remus, if only he could stand up for himself a bit more. I like Sirius, but he is so awful to Snape, continuing with the nicknames even as adults, plus he seems like a bit too much of a commitment phobe for Lily, or anyone really.

Are there any characters without some major character flaw? Probably not, it is often peoples` failings which make the angst and drive the story.

Luna.

I also really like book Tonks and it was highly frustrating to have her reduced to (mostly)a couple of group appearances where all she does is change appearance for fun in the movies.

I can't find serious character flaws with Hagrid either. He has some issues but nothing major in my eyes.

Other than getting on my wick, @AccidentallyOnPurpose

AccidentallyOnPurpose
I think what she really saw in him was his loyalty to his friends, his willingness to go against Voldemort and defending Muggles/muggle born witches and wizards.

James is clearly a radical left wing social justice warrior type. Theoretically standing up for the working class and minority groups but probably irritatingly missing the point or speaking for them. Politically broadly likeable (imo) but personally irritating as hell.

I like Lupin, but I do think he behaved poorly with Tonks.

I know that we don't see that much of their private relationship, but she was over ten years younger than him. She wouldn't have fallen in love with him without some encouragement/reciprocity of feelings.

I know that being a werewolf would make it far more complicated, and I can understand why he panicked when she was pregnant (and of course the middle of a war is a hopeless time to try to sort any type of complicated feelings out) but the way he blew hot and cold was almost bordering on cruel.

I suspect if they'd survived it would have all sorted itself out in time, but maybe they'd have been better just living together and working it out rather than it being quite so all or nothing.

I used to teach psychological attachment and parenting styles using characters from Harry Potter. Teens related to it well. For homework they had to watch a HP
Film and critically pick out differing parental styles using examples from film. Used to be a Xmas homework.

@caringcarer

I used to teach psychological attachment and parenting styles using characters from Harry Potter. Teens related to it well. For homework they had to watch a HP Film and critically pick out differing parental styles using examples from film. Used to be a Xmas homework.

I would love to do that

As far as I am concerned, Harry ditched Ginny shortly after the end of the war and got together with Draco, and the two of them lived happily ever after.

I am so convinced in my mind that this happened, that sometimes I forget that it isn't actually canon!

@caringcarer

I used to teach psychological attachment and parenting styles using characters from Harry Potter. Teens related to it well. For homework they had to watch a HP Film and critically pick out differing parental styles using examples from film. Used to be a Xmas homework.

That's really interesting, which parenting styles could you find in the films? (Other than Dursleys = shit)

sonjadog But then he would get together with the person who bullied him for years, that would be seriously problematique wouldn't it?

That's really interesting, which parenting styles could you find in the films? (Other than Dursleys = shit)

There’s a fair few.

Malfoy’s strict expectations of Draco, and their actions when he doesn’t live up to them and their upper class family heritage

The weasley’s cosy working class home with present parents.

Hermione’s dentist parents- middle class, caring and supportive, but also invested in their own lives and careers and happy for their only child ti go off to boarding school to follow hers.

Luna’ single father

Neville being raised by his grandmother

Then the “loco parentis” of Hogwarts staff.

Can see why it’s a great study :)

Its fiction, in much the same way as 50 Shades of Gray is fiction. Both show abusive relationships, one series being aimed at children, one at adults. HP should be read to children or by them and discussed, 50 Shades should be read by adults and discussed. There are many themes in both that open up dialogue about a variety of issues.

Do I think Ron and Hermione should have ended up together? No. Do I think that millions of kids out there think abuse is ok because of HP? No!

Now that's an assignment I could've spent hours doing.

I just can't get worked up about it. Harry Potter is escapism for me. I was born at the start of the 90s and I was right in the original demographic for the books. I waited for my Hogwarts letter with baited breath!
Lots of things are ruined when we look at them with adult eyes/ knowledge/experience.

Life isn’t perfect so why should this be?
Snowflake generation aaargh!!!!

I think you have slightly over thought it. But I do remember rolling my eyes when I read they were clearly becoming an item and thinking "damn I don't want a love story in Harry Potter"

I could never figure out what it was that supposedly attracted Hermione to Ron. He is of inferior intelligence, magical ability and sense. He is not especially kind or funny, and by the last book he is not even a particularly loyal friend. He has had minimal struggle in life, growing up in a secure, loving and happy home. And he is not particularly handsome or a sports star, which might have turned even Hermione's head. He is rarely nice to her, does not appreciate her and shares no interests with her, apart from being pals with Harry. I did not get it, and still don't.

I would have been happy for Hermione to end up with Neville, who is a person of courage, intelligence, fortitude and integrity, as well as a good wizard. But I personally saw her being too busy with her own goals to be bothered much with men in her early adulthood - especially her age mates, who would seem very immature. I think she would be far more likely to wait a decade or so and then marry someone like Kingsley Shacklebolt - someone mature, wise and accomplished enough to meet her on her level.

As for Harry and Ginny, if Rowling really wanted us to root for that match she should have given Ginny a personality of some sort. The only way that ever made sense was as a longing on Harry's part to really be a Weasley - to have a loving and close family. I agree with OP - Harry belonged with Luna. He was the only one who really saw Luna, appreciated her intellect, knowledge and openness to ideas, and didn't just dismiss her as a weirdo because of her eccentricity. As fellow outsiders Harry and Luna would have had a natural affinity, and she proved herself as brave and true as any of the heroes when the crunch came. Luna was underestimated by everyone. Except Harry. And Luna believed in Harry too. Plus she's pretty and sweet and original. So I was and remain Team Luna for Harry.

I was not too bothered by the toxic relationship aspect of Hermione and Ron, though I picked it up (I was an adult when the books came out) but I chalked it up to reflecting reality. Teenage girls do accept a ridiculous amount of immaturity and bad behavior from teenage boys. Teenage girls are too young to date grown men and the boys their age are idiots. (Or were in my day, anyway. I have three teenage sons now and I hope they have more sense.). Plus she will have grown up with people rolling their eyes at her passion and intelligence, to say nothing of her bushy hair. Anyone who has been a Hermione will remember how insecure they felt as a teen, and sympathise with her allowing herself to be treated badly by Ron. But I think she would have tired of him and dumped him long before marriage was on the cards.

@Localocal

I could never figure out what it was that supposedly attracted Hermione to Ron. He is of inferior intelligence, magical ability and sense. He is not especially kind or funny, and by the last book he is not even a particularly loyal friend. He has had minimal struggle in life, growing up in a secure, loving and happy home. And he is not particularly handsome or a sports star, which might have turned even Hermione's head. He is rarely nice to her, does not appreciate her and shares no interests with her, apart from being pals with Harry. I did not get it, and still don't.

I would have been happy for Hermione to end up with Neville, who is a person of courage, intelligence, fortitude and integrity, as well as a good wizard. But I personally saw her being too busy with her own goals to be bothered much with men in her early adulthood - especially her age mates, who would seem very immature. I think she would be far more likely to wait a decade or so and then marry someone like Kingsley Shacklebolt - someone mature, wise and accomplished enough to meet her on her level.

As for Harry and Ginny, if Rowling really wanted us to root for that match she should have given Ginny a personality of some sort. The only way that ever made sense was as a longing on Harry's part to really be a Weasley - to have a loving and close family. I agree with OP - Harry belonged with Luna. He was the only one who really saw Luna, appreciated her intellect, knowledge and openness to ideas, and didn't just dismiss her as a weirdo because of her eccentricity. As fellow outsiders Harry and Luna would have had a natural affinity, and she proved herself as brave and true as any of the heroes when the crunch came. Luna was underestimated by everyone. Except Harry. And Luna believed in Harry too. Plus she's pretty and sweet and original. So I was and remain Team Luna for Harry.

I was not too bothered by the toxic relationship aspect of Hermione and Ron, though I picked it up (I was an adult when the books came out) but I chalked it up to reflecting reality. Teenage girls do accept a ridiculous amount of immaturity and bad behavior from teenage boys. Teenage girls are too young to date grown men and the boys their age are idiots. (Or were in my day, anyway. I have three teenage sons now and I hope they have more sense.). Plus she will have grown up with people rolling their eyes at her passion and intelligence, to say nothing of her bushy hair. Anyone who has been a Hermione will remember how insecure they felt as a teen, and sympathise with her allowing herself to be treated badly by Ron. But I think she would have tired of him and dumped him long before marriage was on the cards.

I agree with all you have said though , but from the beginning Hermione regularly put Ron down!

I do think that she was similar to Harry finding a home with the Weasleys.

I’ve always wondered why people feel the need to over analyse children’s stories. They’re just stories.

Someone has far too much time on their hands. It’s just a story.

Someone has far too much time on their hands. It’s just a story

So is dickens, austen, bronte, shakespeare.

Just stories.

But been studied in schools and universities for years.

Some people even enjoy breaking down stories like this.

If you aren’t interested then find another thread you do want to join in the discussion.

@FreddieMercurysCat

I’ve always wondered why people feel the need to over analyse children’s stories. They’re just stories.

Analysing stories is fine I think. I thoroughly enjoyed this thread and how people see the characters and their back stories. I also discuss questionable behaviours with DD in movies/books. That's fine. It encourages critical thinking and gives people the tools to analyse things for themselves.

Making them responsible for how children/teens feel ,behave etc is not ok and in a way I feel it absolves them/their parents from personal responsibility.

@Helmetbymidnight

i dont think that what it is though, i think we're seeing young people (mostly in america) trying to retrospectively smear jkr's work.

look at flat stanley- what kind of parenting was that?

One thing to note is that this article is from 2016, which I think was well before all the 'JKR, terrible transphobe' stuff started.

I was watching Harry Potter and the half bloody Prince with my 8yo son yesterday and there's a scene in the hall where hermione starts whacking Ron with a big book. I no doubt laughed at that when I was in my early 20s watching it but yesterday I was like oooh wow that wouldn't happen now. I do hate the whole "he's mean to her so he must fancy her" but I was about 15 when I read the first one so late teens reading them and none of that rubbed on to me. I don't think most children will even think about it.

I haven't read the later HP books so cannot comment. I think this is a filler article. I think you are possibly overanalysing the story.

@SebastianTheCrab

Lord, yes! And obsessive relationships! Shakespeare would be dismayed at how we view "Romeo and Juliet" as high romance, when it was supposed to be a morality tale about the dangers of going against your parents, who knew better than you. Talk about an obsessive relationship! These two literally died for love. And we teach it in school as romance! That just floors me.

I think that today's youth will survive Ron and Hermione. And I think that I shall forgive Ms. Rowling's working out her own issues in the books. Most authors do so, to some extent or another.

OMG! It's a fictional story.