Friend not ready to send almost 3 year old to nursery?

[windolean]

I just wondered what the general feeling is towards nursery. I was talking to a friend recently. She mentioned she was not ready to send her DS to nursery. She will be 3 in May. She then said ' some children never go to nursery, it's not necessary '. She's a stay at home mum. I am no where near this stage with my DD. I haven't really thought about it, but I thought I would send her from around 2. What do people generally do ? I thought most people send their kids to nursery ? Is it meant to be good for them ? Or are there benefits to not going ? My questions are all genuine and without judgement. I'm really just curious and want to understand the pros and cons. I just always assumed nursery is ' what you do '.

Older two went to preschool attached to the school they go to.

There was a mix up with intake for DC1, he started (part time) immediately after his 3rd birthday and was offered a full time place a few months later - which we took as he loved it. So he did best part of 2 years full time before reception.

DC2 started the term after her 3rd Birthday (summer term / part time ) and then did a whole year full time.

DC3 is globally delayed so on advice if her team we applied for a SEN placement, in a mainstream nursery, and she does 4 mornings a week. Started when she was about 2y 8m.

@windolean

I see. I didn't know this. How dense am I. I just thought all children go. It makes perfect sense, it's child care and if you want to do it and can do it yourself then that also makes sense. Struggling with preschool, is that free ? Also from what age can you send them to nursery for free ? Or is it never free and does it depend on where you live ?

Like everything with parenting, it is your choice. People make different choices all the time! It varies across the UK really. In my area, DC are offered a free pre school place for the full year before they start school. So they are age 3 - 4. It is of course optional, but the majority do go. We have the choice of playgroups, school nurseries or private nurseries that offer the funded places and you officially apply through the education department. MY DC went to the school nursery and were there 2.5 hours a day. Outside of this no, mine didn't go to 'nursery', we had family help with childcare. I worked part time shifts so wasn't a lot of childcare needed. Now only one of my DC needs childcare and we use wraparound care at school mostly.

Mine started nursery at 8m old as I wanted to get back to work and found staying at home boring. But that’s just me, friends of mine loved staying home.
My daughter absolutely loved nursery, was happy to go in each day and really enjoyed it, they regularly updated their app with photos and comments which I loved. She made very good friends who are still her best friends and I made friends with their mums.
She started school in September just after she turned 4 and is doing so well, she’s very independent, confident and social, I think nursery helped her with that.

My DS (3) is at nursery 3 days a week and me and DH both work part time to cover the other 4 days. He LOVES it. He is an only child so the social aspect benefits him especially when we can't meet friends as normal. He also has delayed speech and possible autism (currently being assesed) and they have been really helpful and supportive with this. His speech has really come on since he went from 2 days to 3 and into the pre school room. He also eats much better at nursery as they are all sat together rather than just the 2 of us at home.

I’m a SAHM and we sent DS to nursery when he became eligible for the 15 hours for 3-4 year olds. He went to a Maintained Nursery which is hugely popular in our area for what they offer and he absolutely loved it. So much so they we ended up paying for him to attend two additional sessions per week when he was 4.

Everyone has their own opinion but I feel it is important to consider to at least consider sending DC for the 15 hours. A good nursery can offer experiences that aren’t replicated at home - not just a large variety of activities and resources available, but exposure to enrichment experiences such as visiting exotic zoo and the opportunity to handle or touch reptiles etc, petting zoo, African drummers, reindeer at Christmas, learning and activities about Eid, Diwali, Easter etc and the celebrations associated with each, and learning to interact with other children - making friends, dealing with conflict with children other than siblings, and taking direction from trusted adults, and a routine similar to what they will experience in Reception. Also the gradual separation from parents.

I took DS to various playgroups and paid-for music, swim and gym classes etc every day from a baby up until he started nursery at 3 and when I look back many of these were of such limited benefit to him. I met other mums which is great for me, but all he did was play for the toys that the groups offered - there was little decent learning experiences and I can’t imagine having not sent him to nursery but instead continued with these groups until he started Reception. So for us nursery for 15+ hours from 3 yrs was the best decision for our child and even though DS is now in Y1 he still talks about how much fun nursery was.

I sent mine in for their 15 hours the term after they turned three and they really enjoyed it.

I work in a nursery now and still think the biggest benefit is for the preschool age group. However, this year when they’ve had limited socialisation out of the home nursery has given all ages a chance to play with peers that they might usually have had at soft play, toddler groups etc but missed.

If I were a SAHM I’d probably still only send mine at 3+ but if a child has a SEN need sending them earlier can also be beneficial as their needs are identified early enough for applications to specialist school to be made.

That isn’t to say that younger children don’t do well in childcare. They can make friends in baby room that last through their school years but they do find sharing resources and adults more difficult and can take longer to settle into nursery from leaving parents.

Mine both went to full time nursery from about 6 months old because I went back to work. They loved going and I was happy with the care they got and the activities they enjoyed. They are now 18 and 12 and, to be honest, can’t actually remember going 😂

The government don't pay for preschool education for children from their 3rd birthday because they thought after 3 years parents suddenly deserve a break.

They do it because there are clear social and educational benefits to 3 year olds being in a semi formal education setting from that age.

People need to stop seeing it as childcare and start valuing it as education. The parents saying they don't use it as they don't need the childcare are completely missing the point.

It's all the stuff about learning how to behave towards people outside of your immediate family, learning politeness, social cues and boundaries, sharing, turn taking, sitting still etc etc.

That year of preschool before formal education starts at 4 gives children to develop those skills before suddenly being plonked in a classroom and having to formally learn the national curriculum as well as catch up on all the informal social stuff their preschool attending peers have already spent a year practicing.

Preschool gave my DC so many skills and opportunities I couldn't have replicated at home. Yes I could do the same activities with her but it's not the same as her and her little preschool friends working together as a mutual group learning/ bonding experience.

Neither of mine ever went to nursery, they were certainly not disadvantaged. They were extremely sociable as we saw lots of people, both with and without other children; we also did lots at home...read books, did crafts, went on country walks, all the usual playthings they'd have had at nursery such as playdough and water play and sandpits...

Some parents don't have the means to do this, or live in circumstances where it would be impossible, or need to go out to work. In which, nursery fills the gap. But its isn't essential at all....

Statistically children are at an educational advantage if they go to nursery or preschool. They gain independence and richer social opportunities with a wider range of children which also happen away from their parents encouraging them to form bonds outside their immediate family. The small amount of phonics and academic skills they develop probably aren't particularly significant and could be developed at home anyway.

She is correct . The child doesn't not have to go to nursery. Nursery is not a legal requirement. Dc can be perfectly happy at home with
Mum.
I sent mine to nursery though, it was good to have a short break.

Mine went for 3 days a week from age 2.
A friend of mine kept hers out

Mine went - it was good for her to socialise. However, with COVID-19, I don’t think I’d send her.

My children went to nursery from 2 1/2. It was a pre-school type nursery rather than full daycare. Nobody was there before 9:15 and it finished at 3:30. Most kids aged 2-3 only did either a morning or an afternoon session rather than stay all day, perhaps 2 or 3 times a week.
Most of the older children built up to full days or a morning plus lunchtime as they neared school age, using the 15 hours free funding (as it was then).
It was great for teaching social skills and independence. Most of the time all of the children were able to play together but did split into ages / abilities for some activities such as writing / mark-making and phonics etc.

@WanderingMilly - in my case I went back to work because I wanted to not because I had to and I was happy that my children were in good hands and would benefit from nursery - just as I would benefit from continuing my career. It’s not just an option because you have not other choice. My children are well adjusted, sociable and do very well academically- and, as I mentioned, they don’t even remember going. I would guess most children don’t really remember those early years - they just benefit from being well cared for after either at nursery or at home

(Whops sorry premature posting)

Mine went to nursery for 3 days a week from age 2. They all settled into school very happily.

Some friends of mine kept theirs out until school started because they felt their child "will be in school for so long there's no harm in keeping them at home as long as we can"

The child's father would have preferred that the kid was homeschooled (but never offered to do it!)

That kid was really unhappy at school.
It feels as though their attitude really rubbed off on the poor child.

They didn't get their DC vaccinated either.

I do judge.

Mine will be going 3 days from 9 months old. Slightly different for me as I work there, although not in the same room as he will be in.
It’s a private day nursery, so we accept children from 3 months, and we open 11 hours a day. Some children are with us for 10.5 hrs a day, 5 days a week, from being a baby, some start at 3 when they get funding and do 15 hours per week, and a whole mix in between. I will say the ones that start younger do settle better.
It’s not the law to send your children, no, but there are so so many benefits to it. It gently prepares children for school, often they meet children who they will be in class with, in pre school we do some phonics activities that follow the programme that schools around here use (although not in the slightest bit intense, more just fun activities) and that’s just the benefits for people sending their child at 3. For those with us longer, they learn about how to interact with other children (esp if no siblings or siblings a lot older etc) they try a range of foods and of course it allows the parents to work. If a SAHM it is a lot of money to spend sending your child if you don’t need the childcare, but now a lot of nurseries focus on early years education (again, not intense) and see themselves as being there for more than changing nappies and making sand castles!

My son has been going to nursery since he was 11 months old. Initially I was apprehensive but that went almost instantly.

He absolutely loves nursery and is coming up to 2. His nursery is mostly outside but it's not a case of "just childcare". He does drama sessions, gardening, outdoor play, building, crafts, yoga, community walks, reading, painting, baking etc etc. When he gets to preschool they spend the majority of their days at their forest school.

I physically couldn't do the number of activities he does in one day at nursery at home, he absolutely loves it and interacting with his peers. The first lock down when he didn't go for 10 weeks he became really withdrawn, quiet and fearful. Within 3 days of being back at nursery he was back to his outgoing, independent and chatty self.

My friend wasn't going to send her daughter until 3 when the free 30 hours kick in (Scotland) but with the pandemic her usual clubs and social interactions were gone. Her speech development has come on masses in the 3 months she has been attending.

It's personal choice of if to send them but its definitely positive for them. My friend is a reception teacher she says it's easy to tell the ones that have gone to nursery. It usually takes the ones who haven't a few months to reach the same level of confidence/settled etc.

I am a SAHM so no childcare need.

My eldest went to preschool three mornings a week from 3 and three full days (9-2:30 there) from about 3 and a half. And thank goodness she did because we discovered that she actually has ASD which we would never have known without her going (it became apparent that she couldn't cope with groups of children/noise etc and the fabulous SENCO picked up on lots of other behaviours). It meant she had a diagnosis and an EHCP in place before she started reception.

My youngest will also go from 3.

I don't think it's required, but I do think it's a good idea to give them a good year or so mixing in a group environment similar to school to prepare them, especially for being left by mum for a while. They learn so many social skills. There are two children in my eldest's reception class who had never been to any sort of childcare/nursery etc and they have struggled massively with being left. A whole term in and they're still being peeled off their parents screaming at drop offs. One of them is an only child too and they're having a terrible time with him trying so do anything with the other children like sharing, taking turns etc. No surprise really, he's nearly five and has never had to do it!

Interested in those people saying they wouldn’t send their child in a pandemic. I’m actually considering sending my son to nursery when we don’t need to (I’m on mat leave) precisely because it’s a pandemic - he’s 2.5 and hasn’t socialised with other children since March. I think he’s teaching the age where he’d really benefit from that.

This - I'm reading all the comments saying 'oh, they don't need nursery because they can socialise in so many other ways, toddler groups, friends with children, etc.' and feel a bit like they're from a parallel universe - they can't do any of that at the moment and haven't really been able to for nine months now! I don't have any doubt that a SAHM could provide lots of socialisation equivalent to nursery under normal circumstances but I really struggle to see how it could be done currently.

Nursery is not necessary, no.its good for a child age 3+ to spend time with other children but they can do so (absent Covid!) at playgroups, toddler music groups etc.

Ds went to a childminder from age 1 as I didn't like daycare type nurseries. I opted to then send him to preschool from 2y 8m thinking he "needed" it. He didn't and like many children, boys in particular, didnt get a great deal from it until he was more like 3.5 when he started to actually play with the other children. As a result I've decided DD won't be going until she is 3.

I do think there's value in children doing at least 3 mornings a week at a preschool the year before school as it gently prepares them for the group dynamic, reduction in adult attention versus being at home with a parent, the need to fit in with a routine.

My mother taught infants and said children who don't go at all are more likely to find it a shock & often take longer to settle in on starting school where there are at most 2 adults to 30 children - something other teacher friends have agreed with.

@Hardbackwriter yes this is the reason my friend ended up sending her daughter 2 days a week and now doesn't look back.

Children do pick up colds etc when they start but the covid measures that nurseries have in place are very comprehensive. No parents should go into the building, hand washing on arrival, focus on outdoor time where possible, no staff mixing between rooms etc etc.

Hardbackwriter

In reality tho a lot of little boys especially really barely interact with their peers until about 3.5.

I thought my DS was behind socially because he rarely talked to or engaged in play properly with peers, at 2.5. I realised as soon I saw his peers at preschool that he was utterly normal.

Now at almost 4 it's a completely different story, he has a little group of friends that he has made totally independently and they play beautifully together.

My nearly 3 yo is dying to go to nursery!!!! Especially now without playgroups she really misses playing with other kids besides her sister. And that's super important, their social development. Depends I suppose how many kids the child plays with regularly. (Coronavirus is a challenge, you see less people so nursery is great, but the child could catch something there....)

3 of my 5 went to nursery, the youngest 2 though have been home educated always and the 3rd since the infants.
Tbh they have all turned out to be so similar a stranger wouldn’t remark. My younger ones are more confident, social and academically forward- but that may just be they are playing catch up to older siblings, rather than the fact they’ve never been to school or nursery.