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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that my DM helped herself to nearly all the chocolates?

306 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 27/12/2020 19:09

My PILs gave DH and me a big tub of heroes for Christmas - we opened them last Sunday, but hadn’t got through that many- I’d had a couple of the fudge and eclair ones, DH had had a few, but we hadn’t made much of a dent in them. There was probably 80% left.

My DM, who is extremely hard work at the best of times (and who, incidentally, is type 2 diabetic and paid a small fortune for hypnotherapy to cure her of her “chocolate addiction” 18 months ago), came to us on Christmas Eve, bringing with her a big tin of Quality Street that I ended up giving to the bloke who voluntarily drove here at 3am Christmas morning to pick up the prescription for all her meds that she left at home, as a gesture of thanks (that’s a whole other fucking saga).

We took her home today, when we got back I opened the tub of heroes, thinking I would love a crunchie, to find it virtually empty- a few dairy milks and double deckers are all that remain. I knew Mum had had a few (she talked about the “guilty secrets” in the bin in her room that she tried to hide, which turned out to be wrappers) but I hadn’t realised she’d scarfed nearly the whole tub. I asked her about it, and among her responses were “Alcohol is far worse than chocolate!”, “Oh poor you! There wasn’t any Twirls either!” “I did buy you a big box of chocolates, so not thoughtless. But then you gave them away!!”

She’s got through more in 3 days than DH and me put together in a week, and apparently she’s not even sorry. AIBU to think that’s a bit bloody rude?

OP posts:
Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 27/12/2020 21:48

[quote Cagedbirdsinging]@Wheresmykimchi... OP was asked upthread what she would have given the driver had she not had chocolates with which to thank him for his assistance .
"A blow-job" , she replied .[/quote]
It was supposed to be a joke...

OP posts:
BlackCatShadow · 27/12/2020 21:49

My mum is a total sugar addict with diabetes. She just can't stop! I think it may have been better to hide the chocolate from her. Some people just can't help themselves, I'm afraid.

GnomeDePlume · 27/12/2020 21:50

@MadCattery you make a really good point. I'm 54 and diagnosed as T2 diabetic a couple of weeks ago. From what I can see there is going to have to be a lot of self-control.

I have managed to keep off the chocolates so far but only by not having any at all. Pretty sure that if I started then I would be nose down in the tub of Quality Streets.

BlackCatShadow · 27/12/2020 21:57

Also, I do understand that it sounds weird to hide food from an adult, but if a friend or family member who is a recovering alcoholic came to stay, you'd probably be ok to hide alcohol and not drink in front of them to be supportive, but sugar addiction is just as real, just not as well understood. I know this thread was supposed to be a bit of a light-hearted moan, but it is really hard for diabetics, so try to be supportive.

Cagedbirdsinging · 27/12/2020 21:59

@AngeloMysterioso...I know , I thought your reply was funny Grin.

Biffbaff · 27/12/2020 21:59

@AngeloMysterioso

I probably shouldn’t have started the thread to be honest. I was just so fed up, getting home to find that, on top of all the fucking stress she’s caused me pretty much from the moment she got here, she’s also chomped through most of my cheap shit chocolate. And I wanted someone to back me up and say that it’s ok to be annoyed. But clearly it isn’t!
I think it's OK to be annoyed. People have been harsh on here. Have you heard of parentification? It's when the parent/child roles are reversed (in childhood, but the pattern can remain into adulthood). It sounds like in your dynamic with your mum, she is the child and you are the parent. My mum is the same. I get it OP.

If you are interested in ways of dealing with this, I recommend the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents". Good luck OP Flowers

Wheresmykimchi · 27/12/2020 22:03

It's not that its not OK to be annoyed OP, I think it's just the subject matter. Your mother has obviously got form (as has my own), and it's not about the chocolates.

HeckyPeck · 27/12/2020 22:03

I always wonder if the people who don't bother to read even the OP's posts realise that they look like massive bellends?

Ohhh all this fuss over chocolates. It's literally one button press to read OP's posts.

ChristmasCookies · 27/12/2020 22:07

And this is your biggest worry!!!!

Biscuit
GertrudeKerfuffle · 27/12/2020 22:07

YANBU OP. The whole situation with your mum is really upsetting and, as you say, the chocolates are the final straw. TBH I find greediness irritating at the best of times and i find it rude when people take more than their fair share - it doesn't matter whether it's a £4 box of chocolate or the world's most expensive caviar if it was something meant to be shared.

Wheresmykimchi · 27/12/2020 22:08

@ChristmasCookies

And this is your biggest worry!!!!

Biscuit

OP has said herself it isn't. it's the straw that broke the camel's back.
kateandme · 27/12/2020 22:08

you cant be addicted to sugar!or any food.

mathanxiety · 27/12/2020 22:08

According to her, now that she’s on an injection and other medication, it’s “under control”, therefore she’s absolved of any responsibility for her own health and she can eat as much as she wants of whatever the fuck she likes. In the meantime, her eyesight is deteriorating to the point that her optician wouldn’t let her drive herself home from her appointment (her first in four years) a couple of weeks ago- which was another problem I had to solve for her, from 60 miles away.

She thinks insulin injections mean she can eat whatever she pleases, and you are playing the role of an insulin injection too.

Back off. You don't 'have to' solve her self inflicted problems for her. Stop rescuing her.

GertrudeKerfuffle · 27/12/2020 22:09

@HeckyPeck

I always wonder if the people who don't bother to read even the OP's posts realise that they look like massive bellends?

Ohhh all this fuss over chocolates. It's literally one button press to read OP's posts.

And this!

ivfbabymomma1 · 27/12/2020 22:10

YABU for picking a fudge first.....

But yes it's also stingy just buy another one

wishywashywoowoo70 · 27/12/2020 22:12

@AngeloMysterioso

What would you have given the chap who did the meds run had your mum not brought the tin of Quality Street with her?

A blowjob.

GrinGrin
Frauhubert · 27/12/2020 22:14

I’m always really pleased when people who visit my house help me clean out chocolate boxes and bottles of alcohol. I see this as ‘decluttering’

Hollyoakswatcher · 27/12/2020 22:14

OP you would of got more sympathy on here if you had said it was your husband who ate them all. Just finding this thread funny because there was literally the same post about 3 days ago but DH ate them and you would have been told to check for an eating disorder and to LTB.

Mumsnet is a very funny place sometimes.

Lastbonestanding · 27/12/2020 22:15

It's Christmas. Your mum had some chocolates. Big deal. Move on.

Bluntness100 · 27/12/2020 22:16

@Hollyoakswatcher

OP you would of got more sympathy on here if you had said it was your husband who ate them all. Just finding this thread funny because there was literally the same post about 3 days ago but DH ate them and you would have been told to check for an eating disorder and to LTB.

Mumsnet is a very funny place sometimes.

He ate the whole tub in a day. Which is very different to eating eighty percent of a tub over three days.
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 27/12/2020 22:17

Are you always this tight?

Iamthewombat · 27/12/2020 22:17

poor woman. you talk to her like a child

How do you know? Have you observed the OP talking to her mother, and vice versa?

What others eat is none of your business, and it was rude to bring it up. If you don't want to share something freely and without judgement, put it away out of sight.

The OP’s mother wasn’t doing much of the ‘free sharing’ you are keen on, was she? Irrespective of how much an item cost, it’s a bit ill-mannered to go to somebody’s house as a guest and eat or drink 80% of the item in question- chocolates, champagne, cheese, whatever - then hide the evidence. If the OP had had five bottles of champagne and her DM had drunk four of them over three days, and hid the bottles in the recycling, would you take a different view?

FingersCrossedForChristmasAll · 27/12/2020 22:20

@AngeloMysterioso

What would you have given the chap who did the meds run had your mum not brought the tin of Quality Street with her?

A blowjob.

^^ 😂 I think you are awesome OP!

YANBU with your original AIBU question. Many of the responses on here are ridiculous. You clearly love your DM. This is the last straw (or chocolate) after a series of things you have had to deal with.

You are worried about your DM’s diabetes, her optician wouldn’t let her drive home because her eyesight had deteriorated so much. That is how worrying her health condition is becoming.
As the child of a diabetic DF who lost his eyesight after having diabetes for a long time I know how much it ruined his life and it was soul destroying to see him suffer so much.

Your DM forgot her prescription and someone kindly went to great trouble to collect it and bring it to her. Some posters are complaining that you gave the chocolates that your DM bought to this kind man after you asked her if that was okay Confused I would have done the same.
You are the one organising all these things by the sound of it. You are a caring daughter, I can see that. This is about so much more than just box of eaten chocolates, which was annoying in itself. I really don’t understand the pile on here. Just ignore the snippy posts OP.

P.s I do agree with the poster’s who say your DM needs more help with her possible eating disorder. She is struggling to come to terms with living with diabetes which isn’t easy.

TatianaBis · 27/12/2020 22:30

I’ve eaten most of the After Eights in DH’s Christmas stocking and I’m not even a chocolate person. Your Heroes and Quality Street would be safe with me. I am gong to have to nip out and buy some more tomorrow.

AccidentallyOnSanta · 27/12/2020 22:33

@Lastbonestanding

It's Christmas. Your mum had some chocolates. Big deal. Move on.
Her mum also has diabetes that she is not managing. Her eyesight deteriorated so much she was stopped from driving from the ophthalmologist, which OP had to sort out.

OP's mum can't do whatever she wants, then expect OP to pick up the slack.