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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Told by MIL her Christmas was ruined

236 replies

W33ble · 27/12/2020 15:39

So we had a tough morning on Xmas morning. Brother in law telephones us. Their whole family has woken up with a cold symptoms, sore throat and muscle aches with fatigue. Their toddler full of cold, possible temperature and rang us for advice about what to do as their mother was meant to be going for Xmas day dinner later at their house.

A bit of background I’m a nurse and clinical contact tracer for Nhs test and trace. We had a long chat re: 3 symptoms would lead to a test but how I’ve traced lots of people who only had cold symptoms and were positive. They have no way to check toddlers temperature as thermometer not working but he feels warm and they’ve given calpol. So BIL says maybe not good idea to have MIL at their house and could we ring my MIL and see if she could come for Xmas dinner with my parents instead. Rang my mum, she said of course as long as she’s had no contact with BIL family in past 10 days. A bit more background...MIL is 72 . BIL has 2 kids, one in school 7 days ago and toddler last in nursery 2 days before Xmas. Last seen MIL 11 days ago.

Multiple phone calls ensued with the story changing all the time as it became apparent I was the grinch .Their toddler was in bed which is unlike him as he doesn’t nap after having a temperature/bad night. I explained a temperature is a reason to have a test which he then retracted and said it wasn’t a temperature and he had checked the nhs website so didn’t need a test. MIL played the whole I don’t understand card when we explained the situation. Said she’d go, keep her distance and not stay very long. When I explained it should be go and drop off the turkey from outside due to potential Covid she made out like she didn’t understand. She then rang back 5 minutes later and said she was just going to drop the turkey off. We rung her an hour later to check she’d got back ok and no answer so we were worried something had happened. I rang BIL and he says yeah it’s fine mums here, sat down at the dinner table and about to have Xmas dinner so can’t talk.

Rang her Boxing Day and got a standoffish tone/minimal conversation except for her to stick the knife in about how she could barely drive to their house through holding back the tears, how she made the best of Xmas day, how she got a taxi back as she’d had a few wines and how she couldn’t even be bothered opening any cards or presents and was sick of Christmas and taking all her decks down. I feel like the bad guy now even though BIL rang me to ask for advice and I only had MIL best interests at heart.Feel like telling her to eff off after she said her Xmas was ruined.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/12/2020 16:18

This is a perfect example as to why I never get involved with family drama, even when I'm asked for "advice."

If it's not my problem, I don't make it my problem.

Pechanga · 27/12/2020 16:19

I think they acted irresponsibly....but I'm not sure why you were so heavily involved, it's a case of the messenger (you) being shot here, and in this case you've come across to them as quite opinionated and a spoil sport (even though you were asked your opinion in the first place)

Maybe in the future, don't allow yourself to be drawn into their decision making as they won't take your advice anyway and seem only to want to hear what you have to say when it's exactly what they want to hear.

Basically.....just smile & wave, smile and wave.

BestOfABadLot · 27/12/2020 16:20

@hereyehearye

Imagine ringing someone else'smother to rearrange her engagements with her own child. Clearly you have a hero complex but I would stick to getting your kicks at work.
Wow what an unbelievably nasty comment. Are you illiterate as well as unpleasant? Read the OP BiL asked OP to ring MiL.
Butterymuffin · 27/12/2020 16:21

They were very unfair. I bet if any of them now do get Covid that will somehow be your fault too!

I would be asking your DH to have a word with his brother and mother about how they've behaved towards you.

Newmumatlast · 27/12/2020 16:21

Eurgh people who ask for advice but really only want you to bolster their opinion really grate on me. This isn't on you its on them. Don't see MIL or BIL family for 10 days.

Cam2020 · 27/12/2020 16:21

She sounds an absolute drama queen. You gave advice based on medical guidance and your own experience. Leave her to it, she probably enjoys all the negativity.

PuppyMonkey · 27/12/2020 16:22

I assumed OP was having her parents over and BIL originally thought it would be a good idea if MIL went to OP’s too. Which is why she rang her own mum and checked if she’d be ok with that.

OP then said multiple phone calls and changed stories later, MIL ended up at BIL after all. As you do.

Newmumatlast · 27/12/2020 16:23

@pechanga to be fair it sounded to me like she was being called hence 'heavily involved'. Also hard not to come across as opinionated when someone is only calling for your opinion. It shouldn't be surprising when you give it, as asked

TragedyHands · 27/12/2020 16:24

I'd have said her NY would be ruined if she caught covid whilst there.
Adding how ridiculous some people are over one day.

Unsure33 · 27/12/2020 16:26

Yanbu.

Did any of them have a covid test ?

madcatladyforever · 27/12/2020 16:26

People have been so stupid about Christmas this year it really makes me angry. You would not think these people were adults but sulky children.
I've just spend a non christmas completely alone as I work in the NHS and don't want to expose my family to anything and so what, it's just one poxy christmas.
Please tell her to eff off from me and grow up!!

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 27/12/2020 16:27

But nothing changed. She went, she stayed, she had the xmas dinner. What exactly was it that she said was ruined?

They all knew they should not have been doing it. They had all better isolate for the next 2 weeks. But they did it; she got the xmas she had planned. What is the problem?

I would tell her to fuck off. They asked for your advice and then they ignored you, putting her at risk. This is all on them and nothing to do with what you did.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2020 16:27

God, what a bunch of drama llamas (bil and mil, not you op). You gave them sensible advice, they behaved very selfishly. There's no way you ruined Christmas!

Can't your dh have a chat with his dm to say how unfair she is being by blaming you for giving advice you were asked for?

It goes without saying that I wouldn't get involved in future.

madcatladyforever · 27/12/2020 16:28

hereyehearye

Imagine ringing someone else'smother to rearrange her engagements with her own child. Clearly you have a hero complex but I would stick to getting your kicks at work.

Twat!

Longdistance · 27/12/2020 16:29

So, mil got pissed whilst there and had to take a taxi home. Obviously you’re fault there, clearly you’ve turned her into an alcoholic with attentionitus.
Tell your bil next time to sort his own dirty work out with his dm, and that goes for your dh too, both a pair of cowards Angry
Bunch of idiots!

SaltyAF · 27/12/2020 16:30

@hereyehearye

Imagine ringing someone else'smother to rearrange her engagements with her own child. Clearly you have a hero complex but I would stick to getting your kicks at work.
What a twat.
PoodleMoth · 27/12/2020 16:31

Idiots the lot of them

MrsBobDylan · 27/12/2020 16:34

Just be really, really glad she is not your Mother op. Next time just tell them to speak to DH and see what he thinks.

My Mother (who is also a self-absorbed sponge) does that 'I don't understand all these rules ' when she is planning to do exactly what she wants to.

19crimes · 27/12/2020 16:35

They asked for your advice, wanted validation, didn't like your professional opinion, ignored it, and somehow you're responsible for ruining Christmas when MIL has got to do exactly what they planned in the first place?

Sounds very dramatic. She is probably looking for a scapegoat because she knows they've been wrong and wants to project. I wouldn't give it another moment of your time.

stovetopespresso · 27/12/2020 16:37

to those saying 'twat' to @hereyehearye (nice) i think she was being extreme in her statement but at least the first part of her post doesn't deserve the insult. I personally feel that's where op went wrong, but hindsight is a great thing, they set you up for the fall in to being labelled the grinch right there op! MIL will get over it.

Figgygal · 27/12/2020 16:38

Did they bother getting tested in the end?
Poor taxi driver

Willyoujustbequiet · 27/12/2020 16:38

The woman is an idiot.

glitterfarts · 27/12/2020 16:40

Your MIL is a cow, how dare she go to a house with all the people sick with covid symptoms and then get in a taxi home.

What a spiteful bitch.

Have any of them even had a test? If not, bet they are the first out visiting and going to shops!

Chloemol · 27/12/2020 16:40

YANBU they are

Leave them to it

Focus on your family

MissEliza · 27/12/2020 16:40

Poor you Op. You couldn't and shouldn't have handled it differently.