Am I being unreasonable to expect people with dogs to invite us round?

[alexandre]

My DD is terrified of dogs and it is a completely irrational fear that I can't do anything about. Most people we know have dogs including nearly everyone in her class. One mum is really understanding and puts the dog in a pen in the garden for the duration of DD's visit but other people just don't invite her round ever - when I ask her to ask the other children why they never ask her to play they say it's because she is afraid of the dogs. The same people often call us asking if we can have their kids round, collect them from school etc. but they never invite DD back, even her best friend! The same applies to some of our friends - they expect to be invited but never invite us back because of the dog terror. If I stop inviting them we don't see them at all.

At first I was upset, now I am just annoyed with everyone and annoyed with my daughter as well for not getting over her fear although I do understand how she feels.

Is it unreasonable to expect dog owners to put their dog in a separate part of the house for an hour or two if a visitor is really petrified?

im going to play devil's advocate here and say - ist teh dogs home, why should they be put out in teh cold to placate a visitor?

well I do remove my dog if someone comes round who is afraid but as we are all open plan I put her in the car(she loves it btw).However I cannot do this on a warm day.

Why don't you ask to go round to someone's house who has a gentle dog your dd could gradually get used to.

I think in the long term, you and your dd will have to show willing and work to overcome her fear
the last post about a gentle dog is a good idea
it must be an annoying situation, and the best way forward for everyone is to help your dd
you're not BU, but this is a bit of a lose-lose situation

i think that anyone with a dog will acknowledge, that a child with an irrational fear, is not one that they wish to deal with and can also have the effect of spooking the dog and making it more likely to attack.

i certainly wouldn't be comfortable as i wouldn't know how to cope with a child like this and would be concerned that they would refuse to come over the door!!

I hate visiting people who shut pets away as I like them! Somebody must have a quiet dog?

I do agree about it's the dog's home etc but could it not sleep in another room for a while? I did used to put my cat out in the garden if a child was scared of it or allergic to it.

None of them are small gentle dogs, they are all either very big or very jumpy uppy.

Anyone got a small slow old dog we could borrow??

yabu

alexandre-If you are near me ,you are more than welcome to come round.My 12 yr old dog couldn't be more gentle or affectionate.She looks like the one on Come OUtside too.

I live in hants

She's 9. OK the general consensus is I am being unreasonable which I accept. Any idea anyone where we would go for therapy or what sort of organisation provides it?

I live near a guide dog training centre - they do school visits which seem useful in socialising the dog and bringing 'more than a dog' into contact with scared children. I have an old, slow, patient but stupid dog - but am in Cork.

My cousin was terrified of dogs so we used to shunt the dog between the kitchen, living room and garden depending on where cousin was. It was tbh, quite a hassle so I can understand your friends' reluctance to have your DD there. Especially if they are big jumpy dogs that might wreck the room that they are put in.

Good luck with finding a quiet dog to make friends with your DD

It is difficult. My ds 12 has a friend who is scared of many animals. He doesn't like dogs, cats, hamsters or horses and as we have the first 3 it is awkward when he visits. He is 13 and I thought he may grow out of it but if anything he is worse. When he comes round we sometimes put the dog in one room but I don't like doing it. If the cat is lying in the drive he won't walk past it and maybe it is unkind but I tend to think tough, don't come in then.
His mum has never tried to help him overcome his fear, she seems to revel in the attention as does he as he is like that in other ways which is probably why I am not too sympathetic.

pets as therapy may beable to help

Thanks ggirl and stleger but you're too far away. I will make it my mission this half term to find an old dog near me and introduce DD to it

get her a tiny puppy to grow up with although thay could go one way or another really

Thanks again ggirl - I'll see if Pets as Therapy can help as those animals look nice and gentle.

where about do u live. might be easier than every1 else saying where they are

Puppies are usually too bouncy really. You need to find someone who likes dogs and children - I hate to see children scared of dogs, but often it happens because of a badly trained dog. I hope you find a solution.

My DD1 didn't like dogs for a long time - it only changed when we got our own.

When she was a toddler, I often had a friend look after her when I had my school governor meetings. This lady had a lively dog - something like a springer spaniel - and that dog liked to jump up to people, and my DD was such a waif that she would get knocked over. It was understandable enough that DD didn't like any dog, because this was the only one she had experienced.

For DD, it was pretty easy to introduce her to other dogs. The key problem was the jumping up, so as long as a dog didn't do that to her, she was fine.

Now we have our own dog - a lively cocker spaniel. She is only full-on when she first meets someone and wants a good sniff. After that, she backs right off and returns to chewing computer cables.

She is an ideal dog for a fearful child to be introduced to - as long as adults are controlling the situation.

Perhaps you could ask the dog owners to have some kind of introduction routine so that your DD doesn't experience these fearful situations? I think that some intervention is needed if your DD is to be reintroduced to these doggy households.

When you go to the local park are there dogs there, perhaps the owners of one of them would be willing to help you.

If i am out with my dog - 10 yr old daxy i always let kids stroke her. Although i wish that children would ask me first instead of just going up to her!

I put my dogs away when I have visitors, most times in consideration to the visitors and some times to keep my poor dogs safe away from their children!.

However, if even with all my efforts and dogs being kept in another room, etc. the child remained unreasonably stressed, I don't think I will continue to invite her, not because I mind putting my dogs away but because I wouldn't like to have a poor child stressing to that level. I will insist in meeting child and family away of my home, in consideration of the child.

But I agree with whomever said that you have to find a way to ease those fears. Unfortunately, the more concessions you take to her fears the more reasured she will be that there is something to be afraid of. Pets for Therapy seems a good idea, but if there is none available you may ring a dog trainer and ask her if she may suggest some even where she can have contact with well behaved dogs.

Message withdrawn

dd had a friend who had a fear of dogs, at first I put the dog out, but after a while I just couldnt be arsed to invite her because it was such a faff and unfair on the dog in bad weather/dark nights etc

i hate dogs. i'm not scared of them. i dislike them intensely.
i dont understand the british desire to treat them as part of the family.
if i went to visit someone on a farm, i'd expect them to keep their cows and sheep away from me. i expect exactly the same thing with their dogs.

fwiw. if people are happy to cook for someone witha peanut allergy, but not cater to a dog fear, they are being racist, (or some sort of ist anyways) and particularly so for a child.
i think the people you know are being rude