My DC got nothing from their siblings..

[Pip899]

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

Thats your dhs job. At least the kids wont understand this year, but next year, your husband needs to remember. You seem to be assuming present buying is a womans job?

OP this is your husband's role because his children (your step children) come to stay with you all, whereas your children don't stay with them or his ex, of course.

It is his role - in fact it's strange that he hasn't taken them out to buy something. Does he ever spend time alone with his step children? He should do, of course, but in my experience men often don't spend thay quality time alone with their first children when they havr a new family. They're lazy like that.

Apologies if this has already been asked but did your DH help his older DC buy a gift for their DM?

Agree with others, it was up to your DH to sort the gifts . Can’t understand why you can not see this .

@JinglingHellsBells

I doubt most 2 and 3 year olds care and it's all about adult expectations here.

I also think it's a bit odd that you expect young children to buy for each other - they may be step siblings but are very young.

I'd drop the practice and if when they are older and do their own shopping they can but for each other if they want to

You are spoiling Christmas for yourself by getting wound up over this.

Absolutely stop the practice of present buying from the step siblings to yours. It will just encourage division between them.

Why are women, ( in this case the ex wife) blamed for everything?

She chose their father, so she has provided a gift for their father. She did not choose you or her ex husbands new children so should not be providing anything for them. I would say thats your DHs job.

It is their Dad's job imo.
She doesn't know whether it's him or you or pay for gifts and wouldn't be unreasonable to assume he does. It's not hard for your h to take the sc to the supermarket or to choose something online.

Why wouldn't she buy for school friends? Or aunts on your h's side if they are close?

Is everyone missing the fact that there were presents from the SDC for OPs Dc? They were there in OPs house, labelled from the SDC, the DC got them, so they got presents from their siblings. OPs issue seems to be that they didn’t also get a second set of presents purchased by a woman who has no relationship with them.

Has she done it in previous years? Maybe Money worries due to Covid? otherwise not very good .Her DC have presents from you!

Your DH should have sorted it. His ex wife has her own kids to buy for and probably other family members to get presents for which would have taken priority. Maybe money couldn't stretch that far.

I agree this is something firmly in the court of the dad. The ex wife has no responsibility for buying gifts for the kids dads step children, whereas the father absolutely has the responsibility of doing that job.

Impossible for it to be foisted onto the ex unless you see it as “wife work” of the most sexist kind.

Surely that's your dh job.

Why are women, ( in this case the ex wife) blamed for everything?

I was thinking, "fuck me, the poor woman, she's got shot of the bloke, and even now, his deficiencies are STILL her fault!"

Is there ever a time when it isn't the woman's fault??

I think OP is right that the ex doesn't want to do it, and people here are right that ex shouldn't have to do it, but as neither are doing it then the DSC shouldn't get extra gifts either, to even things out.

Lol! Trying to picture my mum buying presents for my half and step siblings back when I was a child. Would never have happened in a million years regardless of being on good terms or not. This is 100% your DH's job and not his ex wife's.

Some women would think that it was inappropriate for the xw to send gifts. You sound like the sort of woman who would have criticized her choice of gift and say that a selection box is cheap or junk food etc

You should expect your h to do the work of ensuring all kids are treated equally. He decided to have kids with different women so this is his mental kid to bear.

I buy gifts for friends of my child, but I most certainly do not but gifts for my daughter's half sister for when she goes to her father and his girlfriend's for Christmas. YABVU. If you want your DC to have gifts from your DSC, make sure DH sorts it out, or do it yourself.

@switswooo

I think OP is right that the ex doesn't want to do it, and people here are right that ex shouldn't have to do it, but as neither are doing it then the DSC shouldn't get extra gifts either, to even things out.

Extra gifts? What extra gifts did the SDC get?

@Crystal90567

I once bought a gift for my ex husbands, new girlfriend's baby, (his baby) in a spirit of kindness in my part. She made a big deal of throwing it away. (New Sainsbury's baby outfit). Most women know its best to keep their exs new women and their kids at arms length. Never again. There's nothing I'd like less to spend my money on.

Same here. I bought a gorgeous Mothercare newborn outfit and sent it with the kids when they were eventually allowed to visit their new sibling. It was thrown in the bin in front of them. I’ll be gracious and put it down to hormones and tiredness.

Extra gifts? What extra gifts did the SDC get?

The gifts that OP bought for DSC. She says: For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two.

My kids don’t buy for each other. They’re too young (9 & 7). They have no idea they’re missing out on anything so I’m puzzled why a 3 year old has noticed.

Completely unreasonable to expect your husbands ex to buy presents for your children when your husband is surely responsible for taking his children to buy a present for their siblings if that’s how you want them to do it. She should not be spending any of her money on a token gift for your kids. She does it for her children’s friends because that is a shared responsibility of the parents and so I’d say whoever is taking them to the party but it likely falls on the woman. And she might buy for your Dh’s sister because she got on with her and liked her.

Massively unreasonable

Children aren’t bothered who has bought them things, or who the label says gifted them something. Your husband should have facilitated this, if he wanted to, not his ex partner.

@switswooo

Extra gifts? What extra gifts did the SDC get?

The gifts that OP bought for DSC. She says: For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two.

Oh god yeah. They really should have a chart set up to make sure that each child gets EXACTLY the same number of gifts. I mean imagine if the Exs mum bought her grandchildren TWO presents. You’d have to buy yours two extra to make up.

@switswooo

Extra gifts? What extra gifts did the SDC get?

The gifts that OP bought for DSC. She says: For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two.

She also then said they labelled some gifts to younger children from their step siblings so if the step siblings had brought gifts with them surely the younger children would be the ones with extra gifts? Unless I've misread?