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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DC got nothing from their siblings..

485 replies

Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:30

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

OP posts:
Matilda1981 · 26/12/2020 17:32

As a mother of two girls who have a brother a different mum and my ex being the dad of both I wouldn’t dream of buying a gift for them to give - this is most definitely the dads job to arrange!!!

YouBoughtMeAWall · 26/12/2020 17:32

@switswooo

Extra gifts? What extra gifts did the SDC get?

The gifts that OP bought for DSC. She says: For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two.

How is that extra? They got gifts from their siblings (and the siblings got gifts for them) and step mother. By rights their father should have helped them buy a gift for their step mother. It’s not at all related to their mother buying their siblings gifts. The only thing that should be cancelled if the SDCs mum doesn’t buy OPs DCs gifts is the gifts from OPs Dc to SDCs mum. But I guarantee they never happened in the first place.
TicTacTwo · 26/12/2020 17:32

What happened last year ?

LumpyPillow · 26/12/2020 17:32

Not her job, not one bit, not at all. Sorry, I always eyeroll when people say 'even just a selection box, even just a bar of chocolate' in these situations, because if the person did do that, it still wouldn't be good enough. You'd be saying 'a BAR of chocolate, seriously is that all she can be bothered with?!'

Also, why complicate things by buying things 'from' children. Why not just presents from all of you, children included? Then its easy. Why complicate matters? The children receiving at either end likely aren't spending any extended time thinking about exactly who each present is from when they're coming from the same family/set of people.

switswooo · 26/12/2020 17:32

@Retiremental Don't be silly, you can't control how many gifts DCS get a their mum's.

But OP is upset for her DC and the way she can keep things fair is to just let DH buy for his kids and not buy extra gifts from DC to DSC.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 26/12/2020 17:32

Agree with others, it was up to your DH to sort the gifts . Can’t understand why you can not see this .

Lol...OP has said she was wrong. Read the thread maybe !

Ideasplease322 · 26/12/2020 17:35

Typical sexist nonsense. Why on Earth is it the woman’s job to buy gifts for her ex husbands new children?

Is you husband incapable?

Figgyboa · 26/12/2020 17:35

Why should the ex wife 'buy your DC presents? Thats BU.
Your OH should have sorted it!

SquishySquirmy · 26/12/2020 17:35

She probably assumed your dh was doing it!

(How much of the other present buying and organising did he do, by the way?)

Fiftyand · 26/12/2020 17:36

That’s because you have a relationship with them. The ex DW doesn’t have one with your DC

switswooo · 26/12/2020 17:38

How is that extra? They got gifts from their siblings (and the siblings got gifts for them) and step mother.

But OP's DC didn't get gifts from their half-siblings?

It’s not at all related to their mother buying their siblings gifts. The only thing that should be cancelled if the SDCs mum doesn’t buy OPs DCs gifts is the gifts from OPs Dc to SDCs mum. But I guarantee they never happened in the first place.

I disagree, I don't think it's fair DSC get gifts from their mum, dad, step-mum and their half-siiblings, and DC only get gifts from their mum and dad.

TicTacTwo · 26/12/2020 17:39

If she has a history of not liking your kids then why did you think that she would send gifts? Your h should have had a chat with the kids about what to buy and bought or had it delivered.

MillieMooBee · 26/12/2020 17:40

Hmmmmm. My partner has 2 kids and he always sorts prezzies for my daughter from them. I wouldn't expect their mum to buy for her tbh. My daughter is nothing to do with her.

I guess different set ups do different things though. U should have a word with ur hubby about it as really it's his responsibility x

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 26/12/2020 17:40

Your partner, their dad should have sorted it not their mother. If the children were at yours and were invited to a friend’s birthday party getting the birthday child a present would also be their dad’s responsibility on that occasion. I’m truly wtf that you’ve got a bee in your bonnet about this, partly because of the above but also because your children are toddlers and will neither know any different or give a shit.

NataliaOsipova · 26/12/2020 17:40

@Toilenstripes

Your DH is the common link between the children, not her!
Absolutely this. It was up to your DH to get presents from his kids for your kids.
YouBoughtMeAWall · 26/12/2020 17:40

But OP's DC didn't get gifts from their half-siblings?

Yes they did. OP confirmed they did, they just weren’t handed from the SDC to the DC as they were given to DC before SDC arrived for some bizarre reason.

MrsBobDylan · 26/12/2020 17:41

So your dsc had to cope with their Dad having children with another woman when they were 4 & 5 while your dc together get to live with both parents full time?

Your kids are tiny and won't give a rats ass where the presents came from. You gave presents 'from' the younger kids because it would be a nightmare all round if the older kids feel pushed out and resentful.

Be a grown up.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 26/12/2020 17:41

I disagree, I don't think it's fair DSC get gifts from their mum, dad, step-mum and their half-siiblings, and DC only get gifts from their mum and dad.

OPs DC don’t have any step parents so how could they possibly get gifts from a step mum?

YouBoughtMeAWall · 26/12/2020 17:42

and DC only get gifts from their mum and dad.

And their half siblings.

EagleFlight · 26/12/2020 17:43

@Pip899

I see where people are coming from, but it wouldn't hurt her to spare a quid or two for selection boxes or a bar of chocolate surely?

It has never occurred to me not to buy something myself, to pass on to the DSC as it were from my DC.

I don’t think this is her job. It’s up to your DH to sort out, or even you.
hadesinahalfahell · 26/12/2020 17:43

OP I really want to know if you have raised this grievance with your DP, given that he is the common denominator between all of the children. You haven't said. He seems to be the forgotten man in this scenario.

Soontobe60 · 26/12/2020 17:45

@Pip899

I see where people are coming from, but it wouldn't hurt her to spare a quid or two for selection boxes or a bar of chocolate surely?

It has never occurred to me not to buy something myself, to pass on to the DSC as it were from my DC.

Why aren’t you annoyed at your DH? They’re all his kids, it was his job to get the presents not his ex.
AsCoolAsKimDeal · 26/12/2020 17:46

Their mother sorted out a present from the children to their father. Did he organise a present from them to give her? Well did he?

She funds gifts for school friends And does he, when parties happen on his weekends?

Presents from DSC to your children are entirely your DH's responsibility, nothing to do with his ex.

switswooo · 26/12/2020 17:48

@YouBoughtMeAWall I missed that DH labelled some of his and OP's gifts as from the DSC.

I do think the fairest thing is to just let DH buy for DSC and for OP not to buy gifts from the DC to DSC.

TicTacTwo · 26/12/2020 17:50

Sdc should get gifts from stepmum, mum, dad
Dc should get gifts from mum and dad

If siblings in that family are going to do gifts then they need an adult to facilitate it and since Dad is the common denominator, it makes sense that he does it.

Did your h help the kids buy their mum a gift? Considering that she helped them buy him one, he should be embarrassed about not doing the same for her.

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