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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DC got nothing from their siblings..

485 replies

Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:30

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 26/12/2020 16:45

I absolutely love the fact that nearly everyone on the thread has said that is your dh job, bit you have completely ignored that.
I think its a bit weird to have presents come from siblings of that age anyway, bit that's your choice.

Mommabear20 · 26/12/2020 16:47

Why should their mum buy for her ex's children?
DH on the other hand definitely should have stepped up and sorted it.

littlebirdworrying · 26/12/2020 16:48

This is all on your DH not his ex wife. I don't get why you would even think she should do it? Your children are not related to her at all. Does she have anything to do with them at all?

GlowingOrb · 26/12/2020 16:49

It’s 100% dad’s job.

He could outsource that job to you if you agree on that division of labor. I buy almost all the presents in our family, but I don’t mind because my DH handles several Christmas chores that I would really struggle with.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 26/12/2020 16:49

Their dad should have done it. Why should she spend her money on it? That's his job.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/12/2020 16:50

Obviously their df should have helped them get gifts for siblings. Totally crazy you seem to think their dm should do it.

Crystal90567 · 26/12/2020 16:50

I once bought a gift for my ex husbands, new girlfriend's baby, (his baby) in a spirit of kindness in my part.
She made a big deal of throwing it away.
(New Sainsbury's baby outfit).
Most women know its best to keep their exs new women and their kids at arms length.
Never again. There's nothing I'd like less to spend my money on.

lunar1 · 26/12/2020 16:51

I guess it's easier to blame the ex rather than your husband.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 26/12/2020 16:51

If she didnt buy all the birthday gifts for their romance "from them", would your husband sort it out? I'm guessing not.

She does it because she has to, because your husband isnt doing his share of all that nonsense. That's fine. But when it's his own children he has had with you, it is absolutely his job to fund those gifts. It is not hers.

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/12/2020 16:52

Interested to know if your DH bought a gift for them to give to his ex?

AaronPurr · 26/12/2020 16:52

@LagunaBubbles

Ok but you still haven't said why this wasn't your DHs responsibility?
Exactly, why couldn't he buy the gifts, especially as it's supposed to be so important to him? Perhaps in OPs world gift buying / giving is woman's work. 🤢
WhereverIGoddamnLike · 26/12/2020 16:53

You're acting like she is the "real" parent who needs to do all the responsible stuff, and because she didnt then it's a "fuck you" to you and your kids.

Your husband also didnt bother soring our gifts from half his kids to the other half of his kids. Is he also saying a silent "fuck you" to you and your kids. I bet you dont see it that way, because he's just their part time dad so you dont think the actual work and organising of those crap is his job. He doesn't do it and you've no complaints. She doesnt do it and you're full of complaints.

Maybe think about that.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 26/12/2020 16:54

*my first post was meant to sat friends not romance!

JinglingHellsBells · 26/12/2020 16:54

I doubt most 2 and 3 year olds care and it's all about adult expectations here.

I also think it's a bit odd that you expect young children to buy for each other - they may be step siblings but are very young.

I'd drop the practice and if when they are older and do their own shopping they can but for each other if they want to

You are spoiling Christmas for yourself by getting wound up over this.

Dontbeme · 26/12/2020 16:54

Christ even when divorced women are expected to still do the wife work, just how many women does this man need to cater to him and pick up the slack for the stuff he won't do?

AaronPurr · 26/12/2020 16:54

@AtrociousCircumstance

Interested to know if your DH bought a gift for them to give to his ex?
I suspect the answer to that is pretty clear. I'm sure OP would have made a point of saying so if it had happened.
Chapellass · 26/12/2020 16:56

This has to be a reverse!

If not, OP, you have serious issues and I say that as the second wife with step children. Me or DH buy for all of the DC from each other. Utterly weird and divisive, I cannot believe you and DH put you your SDC / his DC in this very uncomfortable position. Have this Biscuit

Viviennemary · 26/12/2020 16:58

I agree their dad should have sorted it if he knew you were arranging presents.

Notthe9oclocknewsathon · 26/12/2020 17:02

I thought you were going to say they were in their mid 20's! YABU, if this is a family thing then DH should do it as the parent related to both sets of kids. But it's not a common thing I wouldn't think. Do your kids get presents from each other? Siblings don't have to gift give because they are all children together in my view. So I would treat step children the same as my own in that respect. Only as a adults would I expect gifts to siblings (And then only as they were older not reliably as teens).

YouBoughtMeAWall · 26/12/2020 17:02

@Pip899 why didn’t you let your SDCs give the gifts you bought for your DC to them?

switswooo · 26/12/2020 17:02

YANBU, OP. Just stop buying for DSC from your kids, let DH buy for them.

It's not fair to your DC, as they on;y get presents from you and DH, whereas the DSC get presents from their mum, dad and you/DC, so stop it!

Nottherealslimshady · 26/12/2020 17:04

@Pip899

The reason I think it's a silent "fuck you" is because she's happy to do it for other people, SDC school friends, DSC aunt on DH's side etc.

If she didn't regularly do the above then I wouldn't have thought anything of it as I know it's not her responsibility

Wow. Sounds like she's doing a lot of your husbands parenting for him.

It's your husbands responsibility. And presumably you have family money, so you buying presents (despite also being another woman doing jobs that your DH is meant to be doing) isn't as bad, because he's still funding it from his family pot. Why should she spend her time and money on your kids to save the father of her children even more effort and money.

JacobReesMogadishu · 26/12/2020 17:06

But why should she? I would think she assumes your dh is doing it. And so he should be.

PurpleFlower1983 · 26/12/2020 17:09

YABU because this is your husband’s responsibility.

Charlie63849 · 26/12/2020 17:09

Your DH should of done it and instead he didn’t and that’s why your kids are disappointed as their own dad let them down.
If he didn’t want to do stuff like that then he shouldn’t of had more kids with someone else when he already had 2 .