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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DC got nothing from their siblings..

485 replies

Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:30

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

OP posts:
Thisseatisnotavailable · 26/12/2020 22:57

Just hanging out on this thread to find out a) if op’s dh bought a present for the sdc to give to their mum and b) what op’s said to him now it’s been pointed out that this was his responsibility to sort, and he failed to

Me too. But I'm pretty sure that the OP has done a disappearing act determined that she is still right.

BloggersBlog · 26/12/2020 23:15

Yes, her last post was a "get on with it, I'm orf" message. She is long gone!

GrumpyHoonMain · 26/12/2020 23:18

@Pip899

She funds gifts for school friends who are nothing to do with her though?
She sees those kids. Has she ever even met yours properly? Buying kids for your ex’s kids that you never meet is ridiculous. Tell your DH to sort it next time if it means so much to youzl.
frustrationcentral · 26/12/2020 23:26

It's not the mums job to do that, it should be your DH's. A couple of times I've sent DS with some chocolates or something but not every year and more of a something for them to all enjoy together

I think it's different that you arrange it the other way round. The DSC are part of your family life, so you're more likely to arrange that. I doubt the other mum has anything to do with your children?

LouJ85 · 27/12/2020 12:11

I love how the OP openly comments at around 4pm yesterday that she's realised she's in the wrong with this. And yet there ensues another 7 hours or so of people having their jibes and pointing out how unreasonable they think she is, repeating questions that have already been asked and telling her she's in the wrong. MN at its finest 😂

LouJ85 · 27/12/2020 12:16

@Pip899

The thread moved on pages ago, I'm unreasonable.

You needn't keep reiterating previously made points.

Quite.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 27/12/2020 12:18

Uhoh the thread police are here.

MN at its finest

😂

Why do people still say this? It never is.

lioncitygirl · 27/12/2020 12:21

🤣 of course YABU OP. How ridiculous of you to expect this too.

LouJ85 · 27/12/2020 12:21

@YouBoughtMeAWall

Uhoh the thread police are here.

MN at its finest

😂

Why do people still say this? It never is.

😂😂 the thread police

YouBoughtMeAWall · 27/12/2020 12:22

Yes. That’s exactly how ridiculous you are.

LouJ85 · 27/12/2020 12:23

@YouBoughtMeAWall

Yes. That’s exactly how ridiculous you are.
😂😂 okey dokey
CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/12/2020 12:49

The difference is that as the current woman in his life you are picking up his family duties, including thinking of all of his kids

As his ex she doesn't behave to do that any more.

He should have made sure that all of his kids felt equally valued... but he chose not to. Why is that, do you think?

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 27/12/2020 12:51

Personally in my family, kids don't buy for each other until they are much older (16-18+).
BUT if it's something always done in your family, and the ex-wife has always done it, YANBU. That said, your kids are too young to notice or care, and next year their dad can sort it.

Umbongi · 27/12/2020 13:13

Wait what? Young siblings need to buy each other presents??

I don't get why that's even a thing. Just buy from mum and dad/SM and dad.

If you really expected your DSC to 'buy' their brother/sister a present, your DH should have dealt with it. Seems weird to pin it on the mum Confused

funinthesun19 · 27/12/2020 13:31

I would just stop it completely. And just forget the whole idea because it’s just unnecessary stress.

You don’t need to get dsc anything from your children next year now. Spend the extra little bit of money on something nice for your DC next December. A little trip out somewhere or some nice new clothes. Then if dsc do end up getting your dc something just play dumb and say, “Oh, I thought we weren’t doing that anymore because last year went a bit wrong.”

SnowyOwlWan · 27/12/2020 13:34

This is crazy, I hope the responses have made you get a new perspective on this. Why on earth would she be buying presents for her ex husband's new batch of kids. I bet you anything it has not occurred to her.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 27/12/2020 13:34

“Oh, I thought we weren’t doing that anymore because last year went a bit wrong.”

How did it go wrong?

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 27/12/2020 13:35

This is one of those situations where it requires putting big girl pants on and accepting the difficult role that a stepmother is.

I spent years clothing my DSC, paying and organising for holidays & days out, ordering presents etc etc .

When my own DC came along they get nothing from their step siblings.

Part of it is the difference in values between myself & their mother - and no one can change that .

You just need to decide what is best for you ... sticking to your own values and continuing what you are doing with the present buying, or taking your lead from her and not doing it.

I think you also need to accept that your DC are very young - i can tell you with certainty that it is impossible to play happy families 100% of the time . Particularly when his DC reach puberty - you will need to set much lower expectations because however much you try , it is a distinct possibility that all the children will have a very vague relationship with each other.

funinthesun19 · 27/12/2020 13:39

Why on earth would she be buying presents for her ex husband's new batch of kids.

Kind of like why the op doesn’t need to be getting presents for the old batch of kids. The DH needs to sort this shit out.

LouJ85 · 27/12/2020 13:39

I would just stop it completely. And just forget the whole idea because it’s just unnecessary stress.

This. DP buys for his own kids, I buy for my daughter... we don't buy for each other's the kids "from" the other kids. It's all just from us. But we stick to buying for our own. Works for us.

LouJ85 · 27/12/2020 13:40

Kind of like why the op doesn’t need to be getting presents for the old batch of kids.

Yup. Just each buy for your own kids. Sorted.

funinthesun19 · 27/12/2020 13:41

How did it go wrong?

Because it’s a silly idea from the get go anyway, and then one child got a present and the other didn’t. So nip it in the bud and stop over complicating Christmas!

YouBoughtMeAWall · 27/12/2020 13:43

@funinthesun19

How did it go wrong?

Because it’s a silly idea from the get go anyway, and then one child got a present and the other didn’t. So nip it in the bud and stop over complicating Christmas!

All the children got presents from their siblings. There were presents for OPs DC from her SDC.
funinthesun19 · 27/12/2020 13:46

Was there?

LouJ85 · 27/12/2020 13:46

@SnowyOwlWan

This is crazy, I hope the responses have made you get a new perspective on this. Why on earth would she be buying presents for her ex husband's new batch of kids. I bet you anything it has not occurred to her.

Yes I think she made it clear that they did help her gain a new perspective. About 24 hours ago 😂😂

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