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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DC got nothing from their siblings..

485 replies

Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:30

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

OP posts:
YouBoughtMeAWall · 26/12/2020 18:59

You asked 'What extra gifts did the SDC get?' I answered that DSC are getting extra gifts from step-mum and DSC.

If you had asked 'what extra gifts should DSC not be getting?', I would have said the gifts from OP's DC to DSC.

Right, let’s go back a step further.

This is the post of yours that I responded to asking what extra gifts.

switswooo
I think OP is right that the ex doesn't want to do it, and people here are right that ex shouldn't have to do it, but as neither are doing it then the DSC shouldn't get extra gifts either, to even things out.

Me: Extra gifts? What extra gifts did the SDC get?

Your post clearly states “DSC shouldn’t get extra gifts either, to even things out.” And when I asked for clarification you very clearly included the gifts the OP bought her DSC.

Are we done?

cansu · 26/12/2020 19:05

I am guessing that you do all the buying of presents for your children and his children? I think that if you and your dh want the children to buy each other gifts then your dh needs to do this on behalf of his children. I think if I was his ex, I really wouldn't want to have to buy gifts for extra children for my ex's new family. Your dh's children are part of your new family. Your children are not part of his ex's family really, unless they visit and socialise with their half siblings at your house?

Christmasfairy2020 · 26/12/2020 19:08

Your husbands job

switswooo · 26/12/2020 19:16

@YouBoughtMeaWall

  1. I said 'the DSC shouldn't get extra gifts either, to even things out'.
  1. You asked 'What extra gifts did the SDC get?'
  1. I referred to the gifts per OP's quote: For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two.

You've taken my post 1 as my position on whether DSC should get gifts from their step-mum, which is wrong, because it was only meant to answer your question on what gifts DSC are getting, not what they should be getting.

As I've repeatedly said: I do think the fairest thing is to just let DH buy for DSC and for OP not to buy gifts from the DC to DSC.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 26/12/2020 19:21

You've taken my post 1 as my position on whether DSC should get gifts from their step-mum, which is wrong, because it was only meant to answer your question on what gifts DSC are getting, not what they should be getting.

No, I read exactly what you said. It was you who failed to clarify at a later point that you were no longer talking about the gifts from the OP. You changed the meaning of your comment without telling anyone you had.

switswooo · 26/12/2020 19:23

@YouBoughtMeAWall

I'm not sure what clarification you're talking about, but given none of my posts say DSC should not get gifts from SM but do say OP might be less hurt if she doesn't get gifts from DC to DSC, why not take this as my view rather and say whether you agree or disagree with that?

Itsokthanks · 26/12/2020 19:24

That's something your DH should've sorted out really.

Sweettea1 · 26/12/2020 19:24

Why should ex buy something when then dad can sound like you expect her to buy it why could dh not go buy a selection box of dc for them its not down to the ex. And yes dsc should have had a pile of presents their (2nd Christmas)from their dad you know like your own children will have had yesterday it was your choice to but extra from the children.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 26/12/2020 19:26

but given none of my posts say DSC should not get gifts from SM

Except they do. Which I have shown you. In excruciating detail.

I’m done.

switswooo · 26/12/2020 19:33

@YouBoughtMeAWall can you quote where I've said 'DSC should not get gifts from SM'? I'm glad this is done, but you know what I was saying all along. It's bad form to take an answer to a previous question and twist it and use it as the answer to a subsequent question.

SnooperTrooper12345 · 26/12/2020 19:52

It sounds like you're just trying to find any reason you can to call your Husbands ex a bitch

Retiremental · 26/12/2020 21:01

[quote switswooo]@Retiremental Don't be silly, you can't control how many gifts DCS get a their mum's.

But OP is upset for her DC and the way she can keep things fair is to just let DH buy for his kids and not buy extra gifts from DC to DSC.[/quote]
@switswooo ‘Don’t be silly’
Sarcasm not your strong point then?

Retiremental · 26/12/2020 21:01

@SnooperTrooper12345

It sounds like you're just trying to find any reason you can to call your Husbands ex a bitch
No shit. Never heard of that before on MN. Am shocked and dismayed Xmas Grin
Soubriquet · 26/12/2020 21:02

@Thingsthatgo

Yeah, that is your DH’s job, not his Ex’s.
Yup.

Dh’s child from ex...your children with him

It’s his job

mamaof2girls · 26/12/2020 21:04

Do you buy presents for your 2 on Christmas and birthdays from the other sibling not the step kids? I have 2 kids and never wrote from whatever sibling! Am I missing something? Isn't all gifts from the family no matter who as they are just kids!!

switswooo · 26/12/2020 21:05

Sarcasm not your strong point then?

I thought you were just confused, given no one mentioned grandparents. Bless.

Canyousewcushions · 26/12/2020 21:09

Yet another YABU because it was your DH's job, not his ex's.

You're not unreasonable about the concept- they should have been given the means to get something for their their step siblings, but don't blame their female parent when they have a second perfectly competent (male) parent who could have stepped up to the job.

TicTacTwo · 26/12/2020 21:25

I keep coming back to see if OP's h helped his children buy a gift for their mums but I bet women like the ex's mother enabled him to shirk this wife work.

Retiremental · 26/12/2020 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

whenwewereyoung10 · 26/12/2020 22:01

I know it's different but I was thinking about letting my daughter chose a Christmas present for her dads partner this year. But then decided that that was her dads job. I think this is the same.

switswooo · 26/12/2020 22:14

@Retiremental Ok, Boomer! Xmas Grin

MispyM · 26/12/2020 22:18

Their father should have done that.

Starseeking · 26/12/2020 22:21

@Pip899

The reason I think it's a silent "fuck you" is because she's happy to do it for other people, SDC school friends, DSC aunt on DH's side etc.

If she didn't regularly do the above then I wouldn't have thought anything of it as I know it's not her responsibility

It sounds like she does this for her DC relationships where she knows the other party, and there is no other available adult to facilitate it.

You should be referring to your DH as spiteful and petty if you think she is over this; they are ALL his DC, she has nothing to do with yours.

GarlicSoup · 26/12/2020 22:23

@Thingsthatgo

Yeah, that is your DH’s job, not his Ex’s.
This completely.
GivingItAMiss · 26/12/2020 22:34

Its not their mum's job, their dad should have sorted that out

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