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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DC got nothing from their siblings..

485 replies

Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:30

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 26/12/2020 18:27

Depends on her circumstamces; if she has lost or will lose a job and income. or faces a huge repair bill for house/car. of course she has to economise. If she'd struggling then I doubt she wants to explain that to you (or, her own children)
Your DH needs to discuss this with her.

switswooo · 26/12/2020 18:27

@YouBoughtMeAWall

Nope, if you're saying I've said something, you need to quote it.

saraclara · 26/12/2020 18:30

My kids don’t buy for each other. They’re too young (9 & 7)

A slight diversion. But I don't understand this thinking. Even when my children were much younger than that, I still took them out to 'buy' something for their sibling. Of course, I paid for it, but the choosing of something that would make their sibling happy is, I think, something that children should grow up with from the moment they understand presents. And to be honest, I think they got more excited to see their sibling open 'their' present, than they did about their own presents.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 26/12/2020 18:31

[quote switswooo]@YouBoughtMeAWall

Nope, if you're saying I've said something, you need to quote it.[/quote]
Already did.

MadameButterface · 26/12/2020 18:31

Just hanging out on this thread to find out a) if op’s dh bought a present for the sdc to give to their mum and b) what op’s said to him now it’s been pointed out that this was his responsibility to sort, and he failed to

Paddingtonthebear · 26/12/2020 18:31

As everyone else has said, this is something that your husband should be taking charge of. It’s not up to his ex wife to sort out. Why should she have that job and not him?

I sort the presents for the kids on my side of the family, husband sorts the presents for the kids on his side of the family.

switswooo · 26/12/2020 18:33

@YouBoughtMeAWall the post you quoted does not say OP shouldn't buy from herself to DCs.

switswooo · 26/12/2020 18:33

*SDC

BackforGood · 26/12/2020 18:35

Just hanging out on this thread to find out a) if op’s dh bought a present for the sdc to give to their mum and b) what op’s said to him now it’s been pointed out that this was his responsibility to sort, and he failed to

^ Me too

YouBoughtMeAWall · 26/12/2020 18:36

Right. Let’s break this down for those in the back Hmm

@switswooo

you said the SDC shouldn’t get extra gifts.

I asked “what extra gifts?”

Then you responded with

“The gifts that OP bought for DSC. She says: For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two.”

So yes- you were talking about both the gifts OP bought from her DC and from her. It’s right there in your post. There is no ambiguity there.

loulou0987 · 26/12/2020 18:38

Her children are your step children but your children aren’t any relation to her. I agree either your or your DH should have sorted that out.

Covidrelapse · 26/12/2020 18:39

@saraclara I just figured we’d start when we started giving pocket money but we haven’t started that yet due to Covid and them just saving any more as we’re not going anywhere. They’re only just 9 & 7 so we probably would have started this year but we haven’t been anywhere other than Tesco shop wise which we do without them. They made each other cards instead which they treasure.
As a child me and my brother also started when we were about 10 and had our own money and independence to go in to town ourselves rather than rely on parents.

Imapotato · 26/12/2020 18:41

Sorry. Haven’t read the whole thread.

Did your DH not buy anything for the little ones from the older 2? That’s kind of his responsibility.

snowisfallingallaroundus · 26/12/2020 18:43

@converseandjeans

You say DSC gave their father a gift which she must have sorted out. Did your DH make sure they got their Mum a gift?

Yes. That's a good question

switswooo · 26/12/2020 18:44

@YouBoughtMeAWall You asked 'What extra gifts did the SDC get?' I answered that DSC are getting extra gifts from step-mum and DSC.

If you had asked 'what extra gifts should DSC not be getting?', I would have said the gifts from OP's DC to DSC.

You know this because none of my posts have said DSC should not get gifts from step-mum.

Ideasplease322 · 26/12/2020 18:44

oP have to say I totally understand why you are having issues with this lady. You are the problem😂

Your expectations are ridiculous. You seem to take an extremely narrow and sexist view of what this lady should do.

Of course she buys as presents from her children when they attend parties. Hopefully your husband does this 50% of the time. But I imagine not - based on your odd views.

I am glad this thread has helped you be a bit more reasonable. Please take a beat next time before you get annoyed over a non issue.

ZippedyDooDa · 26/12/2020 18:45

So what is your DH's excuse for not sorting the gifts from his first DC to his new DC? It's really appalling behaviour from him.
OP how on earth could you blame his ex, when it's clearly his responsibility?
If the ex has done 'fuck you' behaviour before, why do you expect her to buy gifts for your children?
And did he sort a gift for his ex from their children?

Fedup21 · 26/12/2020 18:47

So what is your DH's excuse for not sorting the gifts from his first DC to his new DC

Have you not answered this yet, @Pip899 ?

Have you not asked him why he didn’t do it, or is he happily blaming his ex along with you!?

MrsWooster · 26/12/2020 18:48

Why are you not pissed off that your DH lets you sort out the presents from your mutual dc to your dsc?

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 26/12/2020 18:54

@Pip899

I see where people are coming from, but it wouldn't hurt her to spare a quid or two for selection boxes or a bar of chocolate surely?

It has never occurred to me not to buy something myself, to pass on to the DSC as it were from my DC.

Do you expect your ex to buy for your step children on behalf of your children?
Coyoacan · 26/12/2020 18:55

Gosh the lengths some people will go to to take offence.

Really OP you are just making yourself miserable

Bibidy · 26/12/2020 18:55

Ah sorry OP, I am an SM too but it's not on her. Tbh I'd be massively uncomfortable if my DP's ex did buy my kids a gift, I'd rather he did it definitely. I don't want stuff she's chosen hanging around my house.

anxiouscrazymum · 26/12/2020 18:57

You can blame her, but in reality the blame sits with you and more importantly your husband! Why should his ex's money be spent on your children?

Amira19 · 26/12/2020 18:58

I think youre being a CF to spend her money to get gifts for youre dc on behalf of her children they are still only young themselves its not as if they are teenagers with their own pocket money. Its down to you're dh thats who you should be cross with.

Seasaltyhair · 26/12/2020 18:58

You feel pissed off as your 3 year old was waiting for a present.

So next year you and dh sort it.