My DC got nothing from their siblings..

[Pip899]

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

@YouBoughtMeAWall

I disagree, I don't think it's fair DSC get gifts from their mum, dad, step-mum and their half-siiblings, and DC only get gifts from their mum and dad.

OPs DC don’t have any step parents so how could they possibly get gifts from a step mum?

False equivalence, You. The net effect is DSC are getting presents from more people, which isn't fair to OP's DC. OP can stop feeling hurt by it by stopping the facilitating of it.

If your children really noticed or cared that their DC arrived empty handed (they're very young to have realised imo) that's because you let them open the presents "from" DSC beforehand. Why wouldn't you save them, knowing DSC would be coming to do presents another day?

So what are the previous 'fuck you' moments. And if dh normally does the present buying what changed this year?

My children have half siblings from me and their father. I have never bought gifts for them to give their half sibs nor would I expect their father to supply gifts for them to give to their sister. What a weird thing to get upset about.

It is 100% upto their father to buy these gifts.

The net effect is DSC are getting presents from more people, which isn't fair to OP's DC.

I don’t think that’s “unfair” though - it’s just life. They’re in a different situation. It even happens within non-blended families; one of DD1’s friends bought her a present, whereas DD2’s friends didn’t “do” presents. I’m not going to say that the older one can’t have it, nor would I specifically get something for the little one to “make up the difference”.

False equivalence, You. The net effect is DSC are getting presents from more people, which isn't fair to OP's DC. OP can stop feeling hurt by it by stopping the facilitating of it

Right, so SDC shouldn’t get presents from their step mum because DC don’t have step mum? And when SDC are in their teens and buying their own Xmas presents will step mum be happy that they don’t buy her a present for Xmas?

Absolutely up to your DH to sort out the gifts! Why would you think his ex should?! Weird.

Why would the father buy presents from some of his children to others of his children? Surely he's bought presents for all his children and siblings who are children with no money don't normally buy for each other, do they?

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READ THE THREAD ! READ OPS POSTS !

Did the Dad organize a gift from the kids to their mums?

@Pip899

I see where people are coming from, but it wouldn't hurt her to spare a quid or two for selection boxes or a bar of chocolate surely?

It has never occurred to me not to buy something myself, to pass on to the DSC as it were from my DC.

And your husband didn't do it and talk to his older DC about it, why?

I disagree, I don't think it's fair DSC get gifts from their mum, dad, step-mum and their half-siiblings, and DC only get gifts from their mum and dad.

It's not fair that the OP's children get to live with both their parents and the stepchildren don't. 🤷‍♀️ This situation will never be 100% fair.

@YouBoughtMeAWall

False equivalence, You. The net effect is DSC are getting presents from more people, which isn't fair to OP's DC. OP can stop feeling hurt by it by stopping the facilitating of it

Right, so SDC shouldn’t get presents from their step mum because DC don’t have step mum? And when SDC are in their teens and buying their own Xmas presents will step mum be happy that they don’t buy her a present for Xmas?

Nope, I said OP should 'not buy gifts from DC to DSC (to quote myself)'. Nothing about OP not getting gifts from herself to DSC.

YABU- your husbands job to sort out. I wouldn’t do it either as I’d expect my ex to sort that out.

Not her place to in my opinion. I will get presents for my step son but absolutely don't expect his mum to get anything for mine and dps kids. I have a relationship with my step son, she doesn't have one with my kids.

You seem keen to blame the ex-wife but absolves your DH of responsibility. They're all his kids. Totally his responsibility

@switswooo

Extra gifts? What extra gifts did the SDC get?

The gifts that OP bought for DSC. She says: For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two.

This is your post @switswooo

It definitely does refer to the gifts that OP bought for the SDC from her as being extra and should stop happening.

but it wouldn't hurt her to spare a quid or two for selection boxes or a bar of chocolate surely?

Neither would it have hurt your DH, who’s job it is to do that. If she is also shelling out for all the school friends’ gifts, which also your DH should be involved with, I’m not surprised she draws a line. Your anger is misplaced whether you want to see it or not.

You are being unreasonable at aiming it at their mother - their father should have taken them to get something for your children

@Gwenhwyfar

Why would the father buy presents from some of his children to others of his children? Surely he's bought presents for all his children and siblings who are children with no money don't normally buy for each other, do they?

mine have always picked a present to give to each other from them - we fund it

I think the actual issue here is the presents from SM to DSC and the presents between the children.

Once DH and I lived together and had children all of the children got gifts from DH and I. Not some from DH and some from me.

When ex got married our girls got gifts from Dad and StepMum.

The children should get gifts from their parents and that should include the name of any wife/partner they have. So the DSC should get some gifts from Mum (& any potential partner) plus their father and the OP. The younger children should get gifts from their Mum and Dad.

There's also no need for an 8 & 9 year old to give gifts to a 2 & 3 year old. Especially if the 2 year old and 3 year old are not giving gifts to each other and the 8 and 9 year old are not giving gifts to each other. At the very most one of the gifts should be "from your siblings".

@YouBoughtMeAWall

It definitely does refer to the gifts that OP bought for the SDC from her as being extra and should stop happening.

No, it doesn't. I did say DSC are getting gifts from mum, dad, step-mum and siblings, but I've never said DSC shouldn't get gifts from their step-mum. I said:

But OP is upset for her DC and the way she can keep things fair is to just let DH buy for his kids and not buy extra gifts from DC to DSC

I do think the fairest thing is to just let DH buy for DSC and for OP not to buy gifts from the DC to DSC.

I’m sorry but I don’t think their mum needs to buy your kids anything, they are nothing to do with her. Your husband needs to take responsibility for any gift buying from the step kids.

No, it doesn't.

You need to read your own post again.