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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Uninvited for Christmas

142 replies

sproutsofwrath · 26/12/2020 12:50

AIBU?

Feeling a bit cross.
Invited in early December, by boyfriend of 6 months, to go round to his brother's house on Christmas evening for drinks and nibbles.

I'm a single parent and have shared care of my children.
With these plans in mind I:

Cooked an early Christmas dinner for myself, boyfriend and kids on Christmas Eve.
Made arrangement for the kids to go to their dad at 4pm on Christmas Day (they normally go on Boxing Day)
Bought really nice gifts for all of boyfriends family.

A couple of days prior to Christmas I gave gifts to BF to give to his family, so they could put under their tree for the morning.

The next day his brothers appears with gifts from them.
He says "Have a lovely Christmas!"
I say " Yes - looking forward to seeing you on the day"
He says "We'll see what happens"!!
I say "Right, Ok thanks for the gifts"

Ask BF later what's going on? I thought we had plans?
He seems oblivious to the fact I've been uninvited.
He says it because of coronavirus - but me and BF are in a support bubble, so we wouldn't be breaking any rules by going.

I don't make a fuss because its Christmas - but he still goes that day to his brother's.

They only live up the road, so I face-time him on the day - hoping they'll invite me up for a drink, but they don't and its awkward on the phone.

I sat on my own on Christmas evening feeling a bit upset.

BF came back later that evening and asked if he could come and 'cuddle' - I said no as was feeling a bit upset to be honest.

BF has posted a massive thing on facebook saying what a nice day he had at his brother's (without me).
No photos or post about our Christmas Eve together being nice.

Told him I'm having a few days to myself as I think his family have been unkind to uninvite me.

He agrees with me that he didn't think it was a nice thing to do and can understand why I'm upset.

He says his family do like me and want to meet up another time, but I feel too awkward to do so now.

Also upset that I could have had the Christmas Day Evening with my children.

AIBU to be upset by this and to refuse future invites?

OP posts:

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/12/2020 13:03

Also upset that I could have had the Christmas Day Evening with my children

If you wanted the evening with them why did you make alternative plans and arrange for them to be elsewhere? There’s no way I’d leave my children on Christmas Day to go and see someone else’s family.

As for the invite, maybe they meant it at the time but realised the risks of the virus as it got closer.

Mindymomo · 26/12/2020 13:04

Try not to take it to heart. So many people have changed their plans last minute trying to stay safe. Please don’t be too hard on your BF, he’s probably stuck in the middle and give him a cuddle.

Hoppinggreen · 26/12/2020 13:06

You got rid of your kids early to spend Xmas eve with your boyfriend of only 6 months and it backfired

DressingGownofDoom · 26/12/2020 13:06

Lesson learned, don't drop your kids for your boyfriend of 6 months.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 26/12/2020 13:08

AIBU to be upset by this and to refuse future invites?

It depends what kind of future you see with your boyfriend. If you think it could become a long-term relationship, do you really want to start an argument with his family before it’s even begun?

Lemmeout · 26/12/2020 13:08

Ywbu to prioritise time with your bf family over time with your dc on Christmas Day.
Yanbu to be upset at their behavior towards you. Your bf will always side with family. Please remember that .

MatildaTheCat · 26/12/2020 13:08

His family changed their minds due to the escalating situation. Probably because you have DC which massively increases the number of people they and, therefore, you have had contact with.

Just move on. The FB stuff is petty, you are looking for ways to be upset.

It’s a bit of a crap Christmas for lots of us, look for ways to have nice times rather than dwelling on this.

SaltyTootsieToes · 26/12/2020 13:10

If your BF lives with you, I would say YANBU but if your BF does not, in this time of Covid, YABU but it should have been clearly communicated with you and that it was about covid guidelines. Missing from your post was how many people/households would be mixing in the brother’s house and if your BF lives with you. Two key pieces of info relevant to covid

CardoMondo · 26/12/2020 13:16

I wouldn’t have wanted to go with all the mice anyway OP, gross

RolandSchitt · 26/12/2020 13:22

I'm struggling to get past reading about you sending your kids off early at Christmas, so that you could spend time with a new boyfriend.

At least you know where you stand in his life.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 26/12/2020 13:22

Ok well if you see your future with this guy long term you will be making life really awkward if you refuse ALL future invites.

Whilst it seems a bit odd they should have properly explained what was going on rather than leaving you hanging. Although you and your bf are in a support bubble you aren't in a support bubble with his extended family.

I'm not sure l would have ran out and bought 'really nice gifts' for them, you've only been together 6 months. A bottle would have been fine.

Then bf basically leaves you by yourself. He doesn't sound like a catch to be honest. How old is he? He sounds like a child. I wouldn't have sacked my children off early for someone l'd been seeing months either, if at all. They come first, always.

Might you be taking this relationship much more seriously than he is? Did the bf not want you there and he is acting all mystified as to what possibly could have happened?

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 26/12/2020 13:24

but me and BF are in a support bubble, so we wouldn't be breaking any rules by going.

I'm a bit confused about how this makes it OK and I may be mistaken. If you are in a support bubble with your BF, you can meet with him without restrictions, but, I think I'm right in saying, you can't meet another bunch of people indoors. If you meant you are both in a support bubble with his brother's family, I don't see how that works as, I believe, you can only be in a bubble if one of the households is a single person.

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 26/12/2020 13:25

i.e. single person living alone.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 26/12/2020 13:30

You don't say what tier you were in on Christmas Day.

Justmuddlingalong · 26/12/2020 13:30

Also upset that I could have had the Christmas Day Evening with my children.
You're the one who pamped them off early to their dad's in order to accept what you thought was a better offer. More fool you.

Grobagsforever · 26/12/2020 13:30

@mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork

Because you're allowed to mix with one house on Xmas day and support bubbles count as one house, so she's within the rules.

Other posters STOP roasting OP for sending her kids to their actual fathers. She didn't abandon them on the street. Christmas as a single parent is very hard, it makes sense both parents see kids and OP get some adult interaction time in eve.

OP - sorry boyfriend was a twat. Explain and give him a chance to apologise

emilybrontescorsett · 26/12/2020 13:32

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all op. Firstly, the children spent Christmas night with their FATHER, like millions of children do. Secondly I would not be making plans anytime soon to see the boyfriend after he had quite willingly left you to sit alone at Christmas. I would tell him how you feel and make it plain to him that he left you out knowing that you had arranged for the children to go to their dad's house so you could go to his brothers house. I think would say something alone the lines of" Seeing as though you happily went off and left me to be on my own, I'll think about when I want to see you agai, I'll let you know. " Then prioritise your children and your own happiness. Don't make plans with him or his family. I'm too old for this shot though so my tolerance of other people's shit behaviour is low.

HannaYeah · 26/12/2020 13:33

I choose YABU because you sent your kids away so you could hang out with a guy you’ve known for 6 months and his family that don’t even care about you on a major holiday.

Hope it’s a lesson learned.

PegasusReturns · 26/12/2020 13:34

I can’t get past the fact that you chose not to spend Christmas with your DC in order to prioritise the family of a boyfriend you’ve had for 6 months

Wow!

dontdisturbmenow · 26/12/2020 13:41

OP spent the day with her kids, until 4pm.

Maybe the family were worried about you catching it from your kids. Likely to be Covid related BUT your boyfriend is an ass. He should have gone back at 5 at the latest and send the evening with you considering he'd spend the day with them already.

If he's like this now, what will he be like when routine sets in and he is not all madly in love any longer?

Tal45 · 26/12/2020 13:41

I guess this was because at one point mixing was going to be allowed for 5 days over Christmas and then it was scaled back to Christmas day only. If you are in a bubble with BF you could spend Christmas eve with him but not the rest of his family. But if he is in a bubble with you he shouldn't be seeing all his family on Christmas eve either surely??

Tal45 · 26/12/2020 13:42

I agree with others though, wouldn't give up Christmas eve with kids for anyone.

Lockheart · 26/12/2020 13:43

@HannaYeah

I choose YABU because you sent your kids away so you could hang out with a guy you’ve known for 6 months and his family that don’t even care about you on a major holiday.

Hope it’s a lesson learned.

"Sent them away"?

They went a few hours early to their fathers, she didn't farm them out to an orphanage.

There's quite a bit of hyperbole on this thread.

OP it was overoptimistic to think you could all have a lovely drinks evening given covid. It was also IMO unwise to prioritise a (relatively) new relationship over your family. However, they were rude to not discuss this with you and leave it til the last minute to drop you.

Nomoresleeps · 26/12/2020 13:44

It sounds like they changed their mind but didn’t actually tell you. Or he didn’t.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 26/12/2020 13:44

You got rid of the kids for a BF of 6 months? You chose some one else over your own kids. This should be a lesson for you. Put your kids first ffs

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