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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Uninvited for Christmas

142 replies

sproutsofwrath · 26/12/2020 12:50

AIBU?

Feeling a bit cross.
Invited in early December, by boyfriend of 6 months, to go round to his brother's house on Christmas evening for drinks and nibbles.

I'm a single parent and have shared care of my children.
With these plans in mind I:

  • Cooked an early Christmas dinner for myself, boyfriend and kids on Christmas Eve.
  • Made arrangement for the kids to go to their dad at 4pm on Christmas Day (they normally go on Boxing Day)
  • Bought really nice gifts for all of boyfriends family.

A couple of days prior to Christmas I gave gifts to BF to give to his family, so they could put under their tree for the morning.

The next day his brothers appears with gifts from them.
He says "Have a lovely Christmas!"
I say " Yes - looking forward to seeing you on the day"
He says "We'll see what happens"!!
I say "Right, Ok thanks for the gifts"

Ask BF later what's going on? I thought we had plans?
He seems oblivious to the fact I've been uninvited.
He says it because of coronavirus - but me and BF are in a support bubble, so we wouldn't be breaking any rules by going.

I don't make a fuss because its Christmas - but he still goes that day to his brother's.

They only live up the road, so I face-time him on the day - hoping they'll invite me up for a drink, but they don't and its awkward on the phone.

I sat on my own on Christmas evening feeling a bit upset.

BF came back later that evening and asked if he could come and 'cuddle' - I said no as was feeling a bit upset to be honest.

BF has posted a massive thing on facebook saying what a nice day he had at his brother's (without me).
No photos or post about our Christmas Eve together being nice.

Told him I'm having a few days to myself as I think his family have been unkind to uninvite me.

He agrees with me that he didn't think it was a nice thing to do and can understand why I'm upset.

He says his family do like me and want to meet up another time, but I feel too awkward to do so now.

Also upset that I could have had the Christmas Day Evening with my children.

AIBU to be upset by this and to refuse future invites?

OP posts:
Michaelbaubles · 26/12/2020 15:11

I can honestly say my DC wouldn’t notice or care if they went with their dad a couple of hours earlier than planned - it wouldn’t occur to me that was “packing them off” to send them with their loving parent to have a nice time being spoilt, and they certainly wouldn’t see it that way! I think this is just a way for the smug marrieds to feel superior to the single parents who dare to have new relationships.

YardleyX · 26/12/2020 15:15

Yes, good response from the OP.

I suppose it’s fair enough that she’s a bit upset given that she prioritised boyfriend’s family over her own children for the evening, whilst he didn’t prioritise seeing her over his brother (who had his own family, and wasn’t left alone).

Nottherealslimshady · 26/12/2020 15:21

I think you were unreasonable to prioritise chrismtas with your boyfriend of 6 months family over your kids, they had to have Christmas dinner on Christmas eve and leave their presents and travel to their dads so you could go off with some people you barely know.

Your boyfriend was wrong to not clarify plans properly.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2020 15:21

@Michaelbaubles

I can honestly say my DC wouldn’t notice or care if they went with their dad a couple of hours earlier than planned - it wouldn’t occur to me that was “packing them off” to send them with their loving parent to have a nice time being spoilt, and they certainly wouldn’t see it that way! I think this is just a way for the smug marrieds to feel superior to the single parents who dare to have new relationships.
^^this
elenacampana · 26/12/2020 15:31

I think you’ve had a rough time here OP. I can completely understand why going to have drinks and nibbles on Christmas night would appeal to you and I think it’s a shame you were left in on your own.

I really hope you get your feelings on this chap straight over the next couple of days.

BibbityBobbityBellend · 26/12/2020 15:32

LTB!

You've just shown such grace Thanks you don't need a man that makes you feel any less than you deserve.

Atalune · 26/12/2020 15:32

What I don’t understand is why you didn’t confirm the plans a few days before and why you didn’t ask your BF about it?

There is a lot of weird assumptions from you on here which is just bonkers. You didn’t ask any questions. It’s odd, not very good communication! I don’t get it!

Poptart4 · 26/12/2020 15:38

You say in your op that your bf invited you to his brother's house for drinks on Christmas day. Did his brother or any of his family actually invite you themselves?

It sounds like your bf invited you without asking his brother first and when they found out they said no. Probably because of the virus or probably because you're only together a short time and they dont know you that well. 6 months really isnt that long.

I dont think his brother is in the wrong here. Your bf is. He should have told you that the plans had changed for whatever reason. He sounds like a coward. As for wanting a 'cuddle' . He either didnt see anything wrong in leaving you alone on Christmas night or he thinks your so desperate you'd be grateful for any scrap of attention he was willing to throw you. I'd dump him for that alone.

ghostmous3 · 26/12/2020 15:39

Oh here we go.
People are having a go at the op for sending her kids to thier actual FATHER on christmas day. Oh the horror!

So what if she had an invite somewhere else with a new partner whether or not it happened.

I've done the same. My ex had our kids from 2pm xmas day in 2018 as my now dp of 5 months invited me up to his mums for a party from pm.
My ex got to see his kids early which is what he wanted and I got to go a party and relax.

Seriously I'm sure you lot all think that dads have no rights or are incapable of looking after their own dc on xmas day. My kids were over the moon to go early

And actually I've always done christmas like that even with my 2 eldest who are now adults..me and my 1st always shared xmas together.

He always got to go to parties and do his own thing on xmas day night..why the hell shouldn't I.

But oh no single mums have to martyr themselves dont they ffs

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/12/2020 15:43

Mother facilitates father seeing children on Christmas Day so they feel loved by both parents.

BURN THE WITCH!

God women really can't win, can we?

OP you've been really gracious in your replies. As you say, lesson learned and onwards and upwards Flowers

HeyMister · 26/12/2020 15:54

Your DP is a tool as is his brother. He went off and had fun without you when he could have stayed at home or told his brother that he goes with you or doesn't go at all. Good job you found out what he's like 6 months in to the relationship!

2020isalmosthindsight · 26/12/2020 15:58

@DressingGownofDoom

Lesson learned, don't drop your kids for your boyfriend of 6 months.
Blunt but true. I'm shocked you were happy to do that in the first place tbh.

And your support bubble is your Boyfriend; you can only go into his home. You can't both go into his extended family's home.

Brefugee · 26/12/2020 16:01

I feel for you, OP. TBH I'd be asking when, exactly, they were going to tell you that you had been uninvited and have a bit of breathing space to sort out how you feel, then take it from there.

Ponoka7 · 26/12/2020 16:01

@HannaYeah, so single parents aren't welcome in your house if they have shared care? Because one parent is always going to miss out on occasions.

OP, you're jumping the gun thinking that this is a relationship. It's early days, you are, only dating. They aren't your in-laws, they are your fairly new boyfriends, girlfriend. Mid pandemic it's quite acceptable that you aren't invited. I can't help thinking that it's your bf who strung you along with the invite. Perhaps you assumed and he didn't want to say no? Definitely take a step back, you aren't partners, you're dating. The fb post was fine. Did you date much before the children? Perhaps you are used to heavy relationships, this, isn't one of those. I think it was too soon to be sharing Christmas eve with him and your children. Don't bare a grudge and refuse future invites. It was all too much too soon.

Newmumatlast · 26/12/2020 16:07

Yanbu to be upset but think its pretty crazy you'd prefer to go to your bf of such a short time's family instead of spend longer with your kids. I personally wouldn't have made that choice.

Newmumatlast · 26/12/2020 16:10

[quote Ponoka7]@HannaYeah, so single parents aren't welcome in your house if they have shared care? Because one parent is always going to miss out on occasions.

OP, you're jumping the gun thinking that this is a relationship. It's early days, you are, only dating. They aren't your in-laws, they are your fairly new boyfriends, girlfriend. Mid pandemic it's quite acceptable that you aren't invited. I can't help thinking that it's your bf who strung you along with the invite. Perhaps you assumed and he didn't want to say no? Definitely take a step back, you aren't partners, you're dating. The fb post was fine. Did you date much before the children? Perhaps you are used to heavy relationships, this, isn't one of those. I think it was too soon to be sharing Christmas eve with him and your children. Don't bare a grudge and refuse future invites. It was all too much too soon.[/quote]
I agree with this too. Much too soon to be spending xmas eve with the kids. And you prioritised him over them by sending them to their dad's early in favour of him. He didn't prioritise you in the same way - but then you're just a girlfriend. They are your kids. Perhaps just slow down a bit xxxx

Original poster
sproutsofwrath · 26/12/2020 16:10

This made me laugh!! Thanks! :-)

OP posts:
MorganKitten · 26/12/2020 16:16

@mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork

but me and BF are in a support bubble, so we wouldn't be breaking any rules by going.

I'm a bit confused about how this makes it OK and I may be mistaken. If you are in a support bubble with your BF, you can meet with him without restrictions, but, I think I'm right in saying, you can't meet another bunch of people indoors. If you meant you are both in a support bubble with his brother's family, I don't see how that works as, I believe, you can only be in a bubble if one of the households is a single person.

That’s what I was going to say
LouHotel · 26/12/2020 16:17

The brass balls on him to think he could pop to yours after for a cheeky shag after leaving you on ice. That above all else would make me end the relationship, I dont think he has an emotional investment with you OP.

LadyEloise · 26/12/2020 16:19

@CardoMundo
What mice ?
I didn't see any mention if mice . Hmm

JillofTrades · 26/12/2020 16:24

You got rid of your kids early to spend Xmas eve with your boyfriend of only 6 months and it backfired

Exactly! Hope this has made you think again.
Those saying it was only a few hours extra at their dads, then why is op saying she regrets not spending these few hours with them?
And yes its a family day, she is barely with her bf for a few months so why would the family have a new gf at their home.

R2G · 26/12/2020 16:33

I can completely understand why his family didn't invite you due to covid. Although as your bf knew you were then sat in your own Christmas evening because of the change of plan I think he's an unforgiveable cock and not the one for you.

Butterymuffin · 26/12/2020 16:33

Nothing wrong with what you did OP. That saying applies about don't make someone your priority when for them you're just an option. You know now you're an option for him, so bear that in mind for the future. I wouldn't be relying on him for company on NYE, put it that way. And good for you for not allowing him round for a 'cuddle' Hmm

R2G · 26/12/2020 16:45

Yes I agree with buttery muffin make different NYE plans, I can't wait to hear you dumped him! And also to underline I have just read the whole thread, the comments are disgusting and you did not 'dump' your kids they were with their father having a lovely time and very nice for him too. You made some time for you and he let you down, the right person will be really appreciative of every bit of adult time you carve away from your children. I hate your bf!

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2020 16:51

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Mother facilitates father seeing children on Christmas Day so they feel loved by both parents.

BURN THE WITCH!

God women really can't win, can we?

OP you've been really gracious in your replies. As you say, lesson learned and onwards and upwards Flowers

Quite! God forbid a woman ever wants some adult company and decides to think of her own enjoyment for a change. It's hardly like she flung the kids out of a moving car and abandoned them on the fucking motorway!!

The went to their DAD's for Christ's sake!

What a bunch of joyless martyrs on here today. I despair at the utter misogyny on here sometimes.

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