Uninvited for Christmas

[sproutsofwrath]

AIBU?

Feeling a bit cross.
Invited in early December, by boyfriend of 6 months, to go round to his brother's house on Christmas evening for drinks and nibbles.

I'm a single parent and have shared care of my children.
With these plans in mind I:

• Cooked an early Christmas dinner for myself, boyfriend and kids on Christmas Eve.
• Made arrangement for the kids to go to their dad at 4pm on Christmas Day (they normally go on Boxing Day)
• Bought really nice gifts for all of boyfriends family.

A couple of days prior to Christmas I gave gifts to BF to give to his family, so they could put under their tree for the morning.

The next day his brothers appears with gifts from them.
He says "Have a lovely Christmas!"
I say " Yes - looking forward to seeing you on the day"
He says "We'll see what happens"!!
I say "Right, Ok thanks for the gifts"

Ask BF later what's going on? I thought we had plans?
He seems oblivious to the fact I've been uninvited.
He says it because of coronavirus - but me and BF are in a support bubble, so we wouldn't be breaking any rules by going.

I don't make a fuss because its Christmas - but he still goes that day to his brother's.

They only live up the road, so I face-time him on the day - hoping they'll invite me up for a drink, but they don't and its awkward on the phone.

I sat on my own on Christmas evening feeling a bit upset.

BF came back later that evening and asked if he could come and 'cuddle' - I said no as was feeling a bit upset to be honest.

BF has posted a massive thing on facebook saying what a nice day he had at his brother's (without me).
No photos or post about our Christmas Eve together being nice.

Told him I'm having a few days to myself as I think his family have been unkind to uninvite me.

He agrees with me that he didn't think it was a nice thing to do and can understand why I'm upset.

He says his family do like me and want to meet up another time, but I feel too awkward to do so now.

Also upset that I could have had the Christmas Day Evening with my children.

AIBU to be upset by this and to refuse future invites?

He went off for the day with his brother leaving you at home alone, despite previous plans, then asks to come to you for a 'cuddle'! Honestly, get out of the relationship, it will all be downhill for now. You sound way too nice and thoughtful for someone like that.

Yes they were unkind in this situation.
Move on from it if you want to, but don't forget.

You also sound more invested than he does, as people have said.

YANBU, OP. How much did you spend on gifts?

I wouldn't go over there again.

Those saying it was only a few hours extra at their dads, then why is op saying she regrets not spending these few hours with them?

Because she didn’t get to do the thing she thought she would be doing otherwise - if she’d had a nice evening then she wouldn’t regret it at all! This is really simple to grasp...surely we’ve all made choices that turned out wrong and regretted it, but if it had all gone right it would be been a good idea.

This. 1000 times over.
You shipped out you're kids for a bf of 6 months? Nope YABVU

Shipped out her kids to their own FATHER.
Get a grip

@ZebraSpotts

This. 1000 times over. You shipped out you're kids for a bf of 6 months? Nope YABVU

Shipped out? They went to their fathers!!! It's lovely for kids to see both parents on Christmas Day!

I don't think you are unreasonable as plans messed up but I think you are being massively unreasonable to be investing so much in a boyfriend of only 6 months!! Why you buy his family presents?!!!!

I don't think it has anything to do with them not liking you. There's a pandemic on, a lot of people are just being extra sensible, even in the lower tiers.

Ditch him, he's not committed to your relationship. And crass to boot.

I think OP is getting a hard time for arranging for her kids to go to their FATHER a few hours early

It wasn't just that though, their whole normal Xmas routine was changed. Xmas done on Xmas eve, being sent to their dads who they never normally see til Boxing Day all for a couple of drinks at a virtual strangers with a boyfriend of 6 months. I'm a single parent and can't even imagine how you get to that stage of a relationship during covid times in 6 months, where you are buying the other family presents and the new boyfriend is sharing special days with your dc and traditions totally changed. I do see you've learned your lesson though which is good. The coming back for a 'cuddle' made me cringe too. Chalk this one up to experience and move a bit slower next time when dc are involved. I've dated a few blokes for far longer than 6 months who have never got near my dc let alone staying in the house and sharing Xmas meals.

Why did he come back to yours after being there? Seems unfair to of done this!

Are you sure you were invited by his family? I’m sorry but it doesn’t really sound that way. Your boyfriend invited you to come, his brother might not even have known about that. Your boyfriend is in the middle of your communication, I’d be careful to blame the family when you have a DP problem.

I think its funny how many people cant read the op properly..

Op says christmas day evening

NOT christmas eve

So she has spent all of xmas eve with her children in her bubble. The mixing was going to be the evening of the day allowed to be mixing, after spending the whole day with her children.

@jelly79

Why did he come back to yours after being there? Seems unfair to of done this!

Because he wanted a fuck. The OP says so in her OP

With covid spreading so fast, they probably didn’t want the risk of your kids in their house. More people means higher risk and kids are notorious for sneezing on people or failing to social distance.

I think they did the sensible thing.

@ponoka7

I dont mean it that way. It was just the changing of normal plans on Christmas that bothered me. I know parents need breaks and it isnt as if OP dumped hers really.

Anyway, shes been very gracious in her responses here, im sure shes a terrific Mum.