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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Uninvited for Christmas

142 replies

sproutsofwrath · 26/12/2020 12:50

AIBU?

Feeling a bit cross.
Invited in early December, by boyfriend of 6 months, to go round to his brother's house on Christmas evening for drinks and nibbles.

I'm a single parent and have shared care of my children.
With these plans in mind I:

  • Cooked an early Christmas dinner for myself, boyfriend and kids on Christmas Eve.
  • Made arrangement for the kids to go to their dad at 4pm on Christmas Day (they normally go on Boxing Day)
  • Bought really nice gifts for all of boyfriends family.

A couple of days prior to Christmas I gave gifts to BF to give to his family, so they could put under their tree for the morning.

The next day his brothers appears with gifts from them.
He says "Have a lovely Christmas!"
I say " Yes - looking forward to seeing you on the day"
He says "We'll see what happens"!!
I say "Right, Ok thanks for the gifts"

Ask BF later what's going on? I thought we had plans?
He seems oblivious to the fact I've been uninvited.
He says it because of coronavirus - but me and BF are in a support bubble, so we wouldn't be breaking any rules by going.

I don't make a fuss because its Christmas - but he still goes that day to his brother's.

They only live up the road, so I face-time him on the day - hoping they'll invite me up for a drink, but they don't and its awkward on the phone.

I sat on my own on Christmas evening feeling a bit upset.

BF came back later that evening and asked if he could come and 'cuddle' - I said no as was feeling a bit upset to be honest.

BF has posted a massive thing on facebook saying what a nice day he had at his brother's (without me).
No photos or post about our Christmas Eve together being nice.

Told him I'm having a few days to myself as I think his family have been unkind to uninvite me.

He agrees with me that he didn't think it was a nice thing to do and can understand why I'm upset.

He says his family do like me and want to meet up another time, but I feel too awkward to do so now.

Also upset that I could have had the Christmas Day Evening with my children.

AIBU to be upset by this and to refuse future invites?

OP posts:
Nomoresleeps · 26/12/2020 13:45

I also think it says it all that he posted pictures online of his family but none of you.

Cocomarine · 26/12/2020 13:46

Not the point, but I find it really weird you’d send your presents to them ahead of time. Surely it’s more normal to bring them with you when you arrive?

I don’t think his family have been rude to you at all. Lots of Xmas plans had the change at short notice.

The person who was rude was your boyfriend, for not telling you about the change.

Mydogissnooring · 26/12/2020 13:46

Did you really drop your children for a boyfriend of 6 months? Confused

HCPor · 26/12/2020 13:46

I don't think YABU, but I think people are so twitchy about covid.

How rubbish that you could have had your children with you on Christmas Day night though.

It just kicks you when you're down that he posted what a great time he (and should be you too) had.

He's U for that.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 26/12/2020 13:46

Kids come first and theres a pandemic YABU. He should not have gone anyway.

ivfbeenbusy · 26/12/2020 13:47

I wouldn't have prioritised a boyfriend of 6 months over my kids on Xmas day.......

Chalk this one up to experience. Clearly he doesn't think they did that much wrong if he wrote a gushing post on social media about how much he enjoyed the evening with his family

HCPor · 26/12/2020 13:47

The kids went to their dads a few hours early after having spent all day with their mum.

She didn't just drop them off at the orphanage so
she could go down the nags head and get pissed!

HannaYeah · 26/12/2020 13:47

I get that the kids were with their father. But normal plans got changed for the promise of cocktails with practical strangers and a guy.

OP you are your kids’ whole world. You matter to them more than anything.

I know it’s not easy, but how you treat them now will determine their self-esteem, and also what kind of relationship you have with them for the rest of their lives. Also, it wouldn’t surprise me if the guy’s family said they didn’t want a Mum leaving her kids elsewhere just to be at their house on Christmas. I would un-invite anyone that did that.

Mamette · 26/12/2020 13:48

Maybe they only invited you out of politeness, assuming you’d say- oh thanks but obviously I’ll be with the kids at home.

AlwaysCheddar · 26/12/2020 13:48

You put yourself boyfriend of 6 months before your kids... nice parenting.

Nomoresleeps · 26/12/2020 13:49

I thought the presents under the tree was a bit odd too. How well do you know them after six months?

Cocomarine · 26/12/2020 13:50

@UnshakenNeedsStirring

You got rid of the kids for a BF of 6 months? You chose some one else over your own kids. This should be a lesson for you. Put your kids first ffs
Don’t be ridiculous 🙄 When separated, most kids love spending time with each of their parents, and most of their parents flex the exact times around other things going on. My XH often asks if ours can come over early / stay later if there’s something good going on at his - I’m not abandoning them when I say yes. Sometimes he’ll ask for later as he’s got something on - he’s not abandoning them! It’s just life! In fact, my teen is coming home early tomorrow, as she’s meeting her friend for a walk near my house. So that’s mum AND dad ditched 🤣 Adjusting times to suit all is just family life.
HCPor · 26/12/2020 13:51

Assuming they go to bed about 7, the kids went with their dad for 3 extra hours.

There are plenty of parents out there that haven't seen their kids since they were born.
Or ditched them altogether for another partner.

The kids went to their dads a few hours early.

Seriously get some perspective. Hmm

Justmuddlingalong · 26/12/2020 13:53

It's not the fact that the kids went a few hours earlier to their dad's, it's the fact that OP is now regretting that, because her plans fell through.

HCPor · 26/12/2020 13:53

@Justmuddlingalong

It's not the fact that the kids went a few hours earlier to their dad's, it's the fact that OP is now regretting that, because her plans fell through.
What's your point. 🤷🏼‍♀️
Mydogissnooring · 26/12/2020 13:54

They probably wanted to spend Christmas together as s family, nothing wrong with that. You have only been together for a very short time.

OudRose · 26/12/2020 13:54

He should have gone back at 5 at the latest and send the evening with you considering he'd spend the day with them already.

But he'd already had 'Christmas' with OP the day before. And I think at 6mo in people aren't usually that invested in relationships to give up Christmas with their family.

Also bending the rules to see your brother is one thing, but his new gf...not so much. BF probably thought his brother wouldn't mind, but obviously someone did, I wouldn't take it to heart.

FirstTimeTryer93 · 26/12/2020 13:57

I don't think you're overreacting at all. I'd be peed off too 😠

Airyfairymarybeary · 26/12/2020 13:57

Are you in a t4 area and got uninvited after the announcement?

HCPor · 26/12/2020 13:57

@Mydogissnooring

They probably wanted to spend Christmas together as s family, nothing wrong with that. You have only been together for a very short time.
You don't think there's anything wrong with him inviting her, making her adjust her plans accordingly, changing his mind, not telling her and all while knowing full well she will spend the afternoon/evening by herself? And that's ok to do because they have only been together short time?
grassisjeweled · 26/12/2020 13:58

BF came back later that evening and asked if he could come and 'cuddle

^

So you're just a fuck buddy.

cactusisblooming · 26/12/2020 13:58

I think YAVU to disrupt your children's Christmas routine in order to have drinks and nibbles with the family of a six month boyfriend.

YardleyX · 26/12/2020 13:59

Your kids come first.

Not putting them first, lays the ground for the future dynamics.

You’ve learnt this now, hopefully.

PegasusReturns · 26/12/2020 13:59

As OP says the kids usually stay with her all Christmas Day.

So she has changed plans to prioritise a short term boyfriend. That’s weird, inappropriate and completely different to a scenario where your DC have to be away for the home because of shared care arrangements.

FinallyFluid · 26/12/2020 14:00

@DressingGownofDoom

Lesson learned, don't drop your kids for your boyfriend of 6 months.
This.
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