Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can I make him go home?

157 replies

yorkie99 · 26/12/2020 10:06

Dad came to visit for Christmas Day (both single adult households so all fine support bubble etc), he lives a couple of hours away. I thought I’d made it clear it was just for one night but he’s just dropped in he plans to stay again all day and tonight (and who knows, longer?!). I have an 8 month old baby and I was really looking forward to spending the day with him in our pyjamas and just the two of us. Dad is also very uncommunicative and I’ve just had to retreat upstairs as we were sat in silence for an hour and it’s not even 10am. AIBU to want him to do one? And how do I get him to leave without hurting his feelings?

OP posts:
category12 · 26/12/2020 18:18

OK, today is a bust, but get him gone tomorrow. Say you're wanting to be off out or something tomorrow, so you'll need to know what time in the morning he's heading home.

Clymene · 26/12/2020 18:35

God he's really taking the piss now. Staying with a single mum on maternity leave for several days. Has he contributed in any way or are you feeding him?

Tell him this evening. 'Dad, I need you to leave tomorrow'. 'Dad, what time is your train in the morning?' 'It's been lovely to have you visit but I need my own space back now'.

Any of those will do. Do not leave it another day or he'll still be there at new year.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 26/12/2020 18:40

@Smallgoon

Don't you sound lovely. I wonder if you'll reflect on this period when he's no longer with you, and feel bad for the thoughts you were having.
Did you mean to sound like such a colossal prick?
Original poster
yorkie99 · 26/12/2020 19:03

@Clymene

God he's really taking the piss now. Staying with a single mum on maternity leave for several days. Has he contributed in any way or are you feeding him?

Tell him this evening. 'Dad, I need you to leave tomorrow'. 'Dad, what time is your train in the morning?' 'It's been lovely to have you visit but I need my own space back now'.

Any of those will do. Do not leave it another day or he'll still be there at new year.

He brought some booze (which I am making the most of!). Arranged that he’s going tomorrow so glad to get some peace! I’m glad he spent time with DS though I guess.
The maternity leave thing is quite true actually - not long left, getting shorter on cash and want to enjoy every minute!
OP posts:
NewLockdownNewMe · 26/12/2020 19:27

Glad that you’ve arranged that he’s going tomorrow! Hope you can relax tonight and then cheerfully hurry him along in the morning.

Sorry you’ve had crappy responses. My dad is no longer in my life, I can’t really imagine a scenario in which he would be, but it would certainly need to be in small doses. It is eye opening how people react - it was clear from your OP that you weren’t comfortable, but as always people demand that a woman pander to a man.

Original poster
yorkie99 · 26/12/2020 19:29

@NewLockdownNewMe

Glad that you’ve arranged that he’s going tomorrow! Hope you can relax tonight and then cheerfully hurry him along in the morning.

Sorry you’ve had crappy responses. My dad is no longer in my life, I can’t really imagine a scenario in which he would be, but it would certainly need to be in small doses. It is eye opening how people react - it was clear from your OP that you weren’t comfortable, but as always people demand that a woman pander to a man.

Thank you :) I was a little surprised but I know I left out some important information! It’s so sad that women are still expected to do so much without question
OP posts:
ForeverInADay · 26/12/2020 19:46

OP I completely get how and why you feel like this. I would be exactly the same. My dad was not a great dad at all. As an adult, I do see him and facilitate a relationship with my kids but due to COVID I haven't seen him since January and can honestly say I'm not impacted by that! I do the 'right' thing and call him and sent Xmas presents but whereas I'm heartbroken at not seeing my mum, I can't bring myself to care about my dad.

YouKnowItsTrue · 26/12/2020 20:17

Glad you sorted it out fur tomorrow OP 👍

You can relax soon and next year maybe it will be someone else’s turn to have him with them. Grin

billy1966 · 26/12/2020 20:47

You are a very patient woman.

He sounds like he is suiting himself.

You owe him NOTHING.

Remember that OP.
Flowers

Original poster
yorkie99 · 26/12/2020 21:40

Thank you for your kind replies :)

OP posts:
BetsyBigNose · 26/12/2020 22:01

I'm glad you've got it all sorted out, enjoy the rest of your maternity leave!

For future reference, I find "Would you like a cup of tea before you head off?" works in almost all circumstances!

Fudgsicles · 26/12/2020 22:03

Jesus some of these responses. Why on earth has there been assumptions that OP was brought up by her dad and should feel comfortable enough to lounge around in pyjamas in front of him! Many of us come from homes that weren't mum and dad you know.

YANBU OP. I have a tricky relationship with my dad too and he's not been massively reliable throughout my life and had no part in bringing me up so I would feel exactly the same. Glad you're getting your peace soon.

Clymene · 26/12/2020 22:37

Oh I'm so pleased you get your house back tomorrow!

Frolicinameadow · 26/12/2020 23:04

Oh OP, so glad you got sorted and he’s leaving tomorrow. If he wants cheese I’d suggest he get it himself. Lazy prat.
I saw my father for approx. 7 minutes this year and that was 6 mins too long. He’s a nasty, cruel man with an evil streak that makes all around him suffer. My children know he is my father but call him by his name as they have no relationship with him. As he’s getting older he has made comments about me looking after him in his old age and I have told him that will not be happening under any circumstances. To the people who believe all fathers are created equal and loving and doting, I’m sure my responses sound cruel and harsh. But the man took 30 years of my life and I have spent from the age of 16 paying for therapy to recover from him.
Op do what suits you and your son. You’re not obliged to feed, look after, tolerate or entertain him.

EggnogAndAMincepie · 26/12/2020 23:09

I wish my Dad could visit me. This is our 7th Christmas without him

StoneofDestiny · 26/12/2020 23:13

OP hasn't really had a dad, so he is like a difficult stranger in the house. I think some understanding that not all dads are great to have around.

Clymene · 26/12/2020 23:53

@EggnogAndAMincepie

I wish my Dad could visit me. This is our 7th Christmas without him
This is not a thread about your dad, it's thread about the OP's dad. You missing your dad is of zero relevance to the OP.

Really why do people do this? If I started a thread saying that my baby wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't expect hundreds of posts from women telling me their babies were fabulous sleepers.

It's completely baffling to me.

coldwaterfeed · 26/12/2020 23:56

@Clymene so true. MN needs a face palm emoji. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Chamomileteaplease · 27/12/2020 11:18

@EggnogAndAMincepie

Please read above posts about how your dad has absolutely nothing to do with how the OP feels about her sad excuse for a dad.

InTheDrunkTank · 27/12/2020 11:26

@EggnogAndAMincepie

I wish my Dad could visit me. This is our 7th Christmas without him
That's very sad for you but isn't really relevant to OP. I also lost my lovely dad and wish I could spend Christmas with him and he'd be welcome to stay as long as he wanted. However it's not relevant to OP who had an absent father who sounds a bit of a freeloader. Not all dads are as lovely as yours and mine and therefore not everyone feels the same about having them to stay.
ArnoJambonsBike · 27/12/2020 14:56

@daisychain01

So presumably he took care of you for at least 16 years of your life, but you want to kick him out of your house after a day so you can stay in your PJs. Your DC could do the same to you one day, is that OK with you?

Sorry to judge, but that's how it comes across.

Presumably you are capable of reading? It's not obviously apparent from the quoted comment.

Sorry to judge, but thats definitely how it comes across.

saraclara · 27/12/2020 16:08

@EggnogAndAMincepie

I wish my Dad could visit me. This is our 7th Christmas without him
FFS. A bet there's a large proportion of MNers missing their late parents (and/or even late spouses and, God forbid, children) But that doesn't negate the fact that a lot of people gave parents who are a bit (or a lot) crap, or generally irritating, or malicious, or who simply don't know when to leave. And it's perfectly okay for them to come on here to say so.

I'm a widow, but I don't come on here and say "at least you have your husband" whenever people moan about their DH's. Because that would be ridiculous.

saraclara · 27/12/2020 16:09

gave=have, obv

daisychain01 · 27/12/2020 17:02

@ArnoJambonsBike

Lol at you telling me I can't read.

Maybe you need to do the same! I explained after I had posted my original comment that the OP had drip feed (not intentionally I am sure, so it isn't a judgement on her) some crucial information that significantly changed my perspective. Her OP talked about trying to get rid of her father after 1 day, and she also asked if she was unreasonable to want him to "do one". It wasn't until her later post that she said her father had been in and out of her life and had not been a stable parent during her childhood. That's a completely different scenario to the first one. I totally get why the OP would feel that way, having been given the extra information, she is totally justified to feel like that, but it wouldn't be "normal" expected behaviour if her father had been around, brought her up, been a great dad etc. Clearly he wasn't.

Perhaps you need to stop being so sarcastic when you can't be bothered to check your facts. Something about MN at the moment, people are being so aggressive, maybe the frustration of lockdown, but it isn't helpful.

AlwaysCheddar · 27/12/2020 18:59

Has he gone yet?