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Original poster

When is a "normal" age to lose your virginity?

407 replies

goosefats · 25/12/2020 22:28

Name changed because this is something I would not like to follow me around on here, if you please Grin

I was having a little Xmas Zoom call with one of my female friends this evening and we got a little drunk on our (individual) Pinot Grigios, and things started getting a little personal. We began talking about our first times, to which I told her I had sex for the first time at 15. She immediately had a "Shock Oh my GOD, Goosefats!" response which I thought was a little mad as I figured that was a normal age.
According to her, it was far too young and I'm wondering what the general consensus is?

Obviously it's a personal choice, just to preface! I'm just curious as to what age you think is appropriate and what age you'd have a strong response to Grin Relatively light-hearted thread, and please be kind to my friend, she's salt of the Earth but relatively sheltered (bless her heart!). x

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 27/12/2020 12:11

"I would think anything past 19 is a bit old to lose it and a bit odd."

How old are you? This is a really teenage type of comment imo and of course the kind of attitude that leads to people being totally desperate to get rid of the 'stigma'.

Plussizejumpsuit · 27/12/2020 12:12

I was 15. I'm 35 now. Most of my friends were 15 or 16. My birthday is in July so I was a bit younger than friends in my school year. Most of us were in year 11 at school from what I remember. I don't think just before 16 is particularly young. I'd had a boyfriend for 6 months.

I think it varies a lot though from about 15 to 21 ish.

PandemicPalava · 27/12/2020 12:13

@Justa47 1994

Gwenhwyfar · 27/12/2020 12:17

@DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow

agree maddiemookins16mum. I'm a bit shocked by some of these posts to be honest. But I'm starting to wonder if some of the people posting about being young teenagers having sex are actually genuine. The internet has made me suspicious.
@DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow

Not sure which ages you're querying. I definitely wouldn't have lied about the kids at my school who were 14 or 15 as I myself have 'no skin in that game' having lost my virginity much older than average. As I said, most of my friends were 18-19, there was a group who lost it at around 16 and there was another group where 14 or 15 was normal.
I wasn't aware of anyone sexually active at 12 or 13 and if I had been I would have considered it very worrying.
I've read a few times that the average age for girls in the UK is around 16 - people have quoted 17 and 18 in studies they've found, but they seem to be boys and girls combined - so it stands to reason that some of the girls would be under 16.

PugInTheHouse · 27/12/2020 12:21

Sexual Health services provided MAP and birth control pills plus condoms free to take for U16s. I got the pill at 15 on my own.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/12/2020 12:22

"@Remxhah126 - so true! I remember a v elite girls school and hearing most of the year 9's are sexually active in more unsafe ways (at parties with multiple shared activities in sex games) and when I see the school mentioned with people vying for spots (very very expensive sought after spots!) I always wonder what these parents would think if they knew!"

When I was growing up there were rumours about the girls at the local private school being very 'up for it', but I always assumed that was wishful thinking on the part of the boys, or one of those 'ironic' stereotypes about the vicar's daughter being the wildest or whatever.

Hailtomyteeth · 27/12/2020 14:53

Dd went to a local independent girls school, in the nineties, and some of the pupils were sexually active around 12 or 13. I taught in inner city comprehensives, and a school nurse told me that girls 'came up from primary already sexually active'.

Justa47 · 27/12/2020 15:04

@Hailtomyteeth

Jeez that’s shocking

Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady · 27/12/2020 15:06

I was 19.

I was the last among my group of friends.
One of them was 12 😢

IamMariahScarey · 27/12/2020 15:30

I was 16

MaudHatter · 27/12/2020 16:08

Contraception was available of course but only abstinence is 100% effective.
I wasn’t going to gamble with my future for a shag.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2020 16:10

I wouldn't have reacted how your friend did and I don't think 15 is Unusual but I don't think average / usual is under the age of consent either. I'd probably temper my reaction based on how old your partner was. I was 17, none of my school friends lost it under that age

AwFeebs · 27/12/2020 17:16

@goosefats

*15 in incredibly shit circumstances.

Definitely regret it.*

Me too, sister Wine

It's horrible isn't it. I've just sort of got on with my life blocking the whole thing out. It's only when I come across things like this that I actually start to remember it.

I hope my daughters have more sense than me tbh. Sad

StarlightLady · 27/12/2020 18:44

@MaudHatter - I think it is vital that young women are not coerced into doing what they do not wish to. But persuasion as well as their own feelings running riot can change things from abstinence to the next thing. Those intending to abstain and then changing are often the least prepared.

MaudHatter · 27/12/2020 18:59

I disagree - I was well prepared when it did happen .

partyatthepalace · 27/12/2020 19:19

It’s on the young side of average at most -certainly not surprisingly young, so your friend is BU to be gobsmacked.

TheMostHappy · 27/12/2020 19:35

14 and with a fairly long term partner, we were together years. I don't regret it in the slightest. We were both the same age and both ready, took the relevant precautions and loved one another.

JimmyTheWeed · 27/12/2020 19:54

I was 17. I had a friend at college who lost hers at 15,and also one who was 21. But I'd say among my peer group,that 16 - 18 was the average age.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2020 23:57

@TheMostHappy

14 and with a fairly long term partner, we were together years. I don't regret it in the slightest. We were both the same age and both ready, took the relevant precautions and loved one another.
If it was a"long term partner" who you'd been together with for years, how old were you when you started dating?
vdbfamily · 28/12/2020 15:26

I think peer pressure must be relevant here as lots of people are saying' in my group of friends....' but the numbers are different. One group of friends it was normal at 14/15, one group of friends at University. For me, growing up in a Christian family, I did not know that many people having sex before they were married as that was my' normal' . My 3 brothers and myself all had sex first time in our wedding night, as did most of my church friends and my cousins etc. There was absolutely no pressure on me to have sex and quite a lot of pressure on me not to. My brother's all married in their early 20's, probably for this reason and I married at 32.

StarlightLady · 28/12/2020 16:21

I’ll make my final comment here as I’ve probably gone overboard on this thread.

In my last years of school, almost all of my friendship group were sexually active and on the pill, some with our parent’s knowledge, some without. One girl described herself as religous and said she would not do that sort of thing. Same girl was the only one in the group to become a pregnant teen.

ArrowsOfMistletoe · 28/12/2020 16:27

I don't think peer pressure not to have sex is any better than peer pressure to have sex though.

TheMostHappy · 28/12/2020 16:35

@SleepingStandingUp we started dating at 12 and split up when we were 19.

vdbfamily · 29/12/2020 21:23

If the power pressure to have sex means you have sex just because everyone else is making out it is another not to them that is not a good reason for someone who in their heart of hearts would prefer not to be having sex. If the peer pressure for a religious person comes from thinking sex is wicked and the sky will fall in your head if you do, then that is also wrong but for me, I genuinely believed, and still do, that only having sex with someone who was committed to spending the rest of their life with me, was a positive thing and that I did not ever wish to have sex with someone who has not made that commitment, I personally think that is a positive reason and the fact that I was surrounded by siblings, cousins and church and youth group friends making the same choices helped because there was no feeling of being abnormal if you were not sexually active at age of 16/17

vdbfamily · 29/12/2020 21:25

for what it's worth, I had 2 Christian friends who feel pregnant because they were not on the pill and got carried away in the heart of passion. They both married their boyfriends and are still happily married now though. One was 19 and the other late 20's so not kids exactly!!