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Original poster

When is a "normal" age to lose your virginity?

407 replies

goosefats · 25/12/2020 22:28

Name changed because this is something I would not like to follow me around on here, if you please Grin

I was having a little Xmas Zoom call with one of my female friends this evening and we got a little drunk on our (individual) Pinot Grigios, and things started getting a little personal. We began talking about our first times, to which I told her I had sex for the first time at 15. She immediately had a "Shock Oh my GOD, Goosefats!" response which I thought was a little mad as I figured that was a normal age.
According to her, it was far too young and I'm wondering what the general consensus is?

Obviously it's a personal choice, just to preface! I'm just curious as to what age you think is appropriate and what age you'd have a strong response to Grin Relatively light-hearted thread, and please be kind to my friend, she's salt of the Earth but relatively sheltered (bless her heart!). x

OP posts:
jessstan1 · 27/12/2020 00:23

@whenwewereyoung10

I had just turned 15
That was me, January 1965. I didn't really want to, not in the sense of desiring sex, but I had been terrified for a long time that I wouldn't be able to because of something I'd read in a magazine. I was just determined to do it and get it over with so 'wanted it' in that sense. How sad is that? Nobody talked to us about feelings in those days (least of all my mother).

Had I waited and met somebody nice I would have found out about feelings soon enough.

However, that's all in the past.

sheepysheep · 27/12/2020 01:17

Consensual, 16. It was with a long term boyfriend who, in retrospect, was really unpleasant. Early experiences had skewed my perception of what a healthy sexual relationship should be. I was with him for four years and when I got with my next boyfriend at 20/21 I finally understood what sex was meant to be. He was lovely and is still my friend. My DH was 23 and I was his first kiss and sexual partner. He was fun, nice looking and generally lovely and had had a fair few propositions but wanted to wait for the right one. Quite unusual I guess.

Most people I was at school with first had sex at some point during 6th form. I went to an all girls boarding school up to the end of 4th form then was among the first intake of girls at the local boys boarding school so that was quite a shock! There were five girls.... and several hundred boys!

nokidshere · 27/12/2020 01:20

I was 23. I never thought anything of it really, I just hadn't met anyone I wanted to do it with.

nokidshere · 27/12/2020 01:21

Sorry that was a typo... should have said 21

sobsanta · 27/12/2020 01:28

I was 15 as were most of my friends. 15-17 was normal for our lot in the early to mid 2000's.

MaudHatter · 27/12/2020 02:05

I think there must be a correlation between age of first sexual experience and access to abortion . None of the 6 girls in my friendship group had sex before we left school at 18.
The fear of pregnancy was a powerful contraceptive.

Userzzz · 27/12/2020 02:16

I was 17.

Hushabyelullaby · 27/12/2020 02:27

I'm 45 and I would say many girls in my year were having sex and it was well known at 14/15/16. A couple got pregnant at around 15.

Some of my friends were about 16, with a couple of us (me included), being 17, then a couple being 18+

The boy I lost my virginity to was 18 and I was his first.

HermioneKipper · 27/12/2020 02:48

I was 26. Definitely the older end of the spectrum among my friends. Just wasn’t ready/hadn’t met the right person yet. I’m glad I waited although I felt like a freak at times. It was lovely and very special.

joystir59 · 27/12/2020 02:55

My first consensual time was 17

starrynight21 · 27/12/2020 03:05

"I do wonder if there are any generational differences"

I'm in my 70's - grew up in the 60's. Lost it at about 14 - 15 , which was pretty average then.

PandemicPalava · 27/12/2020 03:52

I was 13 and had been with my boyfriend for a year and felt so grown up and ready. I mean it was truly awful and I regret being so young but I wasn't alone amongst my friends. Seems completely ridiculous now!

Justa47 · 27/12/2020 09:07

@PandemicPalava

What year was that ?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/12/2020 09:12

I’d certainly not want mine to lose it before 16. If hope they would get to 18/19 at least.

BounceyBumblebee · 27/12/2020 09:23

14 - it was abuse in my (now adult) eyes. But I think he was covered by the romeo and juliet law at 19.

Many of my friends lost it at a simular age also to older men. But I would say normal is 6th form age so 16-18.

The people I know who were 18 felt too old and became desperate to just do it.

I wish I'd waited and lost it to my first real boyfriend of the same age at 15. I pretend that was my first time.

grisen · 27/12/2020 09:44

@Irisheyesrsmiling yes i know how statistics work. however you ignored my question... how do teens get their “highs”?

WildRosie · 27/12/2020 09:45

I am truly amazed at all these stories of people having sex for the first time at such a young age, especially the under-16s. Makes one wonder what use the age of consent is, although I don't think we should ever be without it. That probably doesn't make any sense, does it ?

I frequently wonder what has gone wrong in my past for me not to have a past, IYSWIM. Just reading the stories on this thread reinforces my feeling that a whole swathe of life has simply passed me by. And yet I feel both pity and envy about all this very young sexual awakening. Talk about mixed feelings!

BounceyBumblebee · 27/12/2020 09:52

Makes one wonder what use the age of consent is, although I don't think we should ever be without it. That probably doesn't make any sense, does it ?

I think if you make an age ristricted law, people will always try go 1-2 years lower.

For most smoking starts 14-15 when 16 was the law
Drinking 15-16 when 18s the law
Sex 14-15 when 16s the law.

If aoc was 14 people would start considering sex at 12-13 and older men would prey on girls of that age. We should raise it to 18. And you shouldn't be considered an adult until 21. Sex work should be 21 too.

Chimeraforce · 27/12/2020 09:53

I was 16 my dsis was 14. Which did shock me.

Mousehole10 · 27/12/2020 09:56

15 -16 was normal when I was at school. It would have been a bit strange if someone had left school and gone to uni being a virgin.

1992serpent · 27/12/2020 09:57

I think 14 is an acceptable age (with someone of the same age of course).

I was 17 when I lost mine, but only due to peer pressure. I was made to feel like a loser by my female friends for still being a virgin at that age. I didnt feel ready at all and it wasn't even important to me until the cool girl expressed her shock that I hadn't yet had sex. To be fair, she was a bit messed up. She got me in to drugs and nightclubs in sixth form.

maddiemookins16mum · 27/12/2020 10:12

How on earth can it be acceptable for people to think 14 is ok for a sex life!!

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 27/12/2020 10:17

agree maddiemookins16mum. I'm a bit shocked by some of these posts to be honest. But I'm starting to wonder if some of the people posting about being young teenagers having sex are actually genuine. The internet has made me suspicious.

PreRaphaeliteMotherhood · 27/12/2020 10:23

I was 14. I wouldn’t say that was particularly abnormal although it’s definitely at the lower end. Certainly 15-18 appears to be very average.

IndieTara · 27/12/2020 10:30

I was 20

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