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Original poster

When is a "normal" age to lose your virginity?

407 replies

goosefats · 25/12/2020 22:28

Name changed because this is something I would not like to follow me around on here, if you please Grin

I was having a little Xmas Zoom call with one of my female friends this evening and we got a little drunk on our (individual) Pinot Grigios, and things started getting a little personal. We began talking about our first times, to which I told her I had sex for the first time at 15. She immediately had a "Shock Oh my GOD, Goosefats!" response which I thought was a little mad as I figured that was a normal age.
According to her, it was far too young and I'm wondering what the general consensus is?

Obviously it's a personal choice, just to preface! I'm just curious as to what age you think is appropriate and what age you'd have a strong response to Grin Relatively light-hearted thread, and please be kind to my friend, she's salt of the Earth but relatively sheltered (bless her heart!). x

OP posts:
TheChristmasPrincess · 27/12/2020 10:42

I was 22. I didn’t really have any opportunity until I went to uni and I had very low self esteem and body image issues so I wasn’t prepared to have casual sex outside a loving relationship. I got made fun of by a lot of my peers and family members (to the point that I had to lie about losing it so they would leave me alone) and felt very self conscious and abnormal for losing it so late. In hindsight I’m glad I waited.

I would say the majority of my friends lost theirs around 17. One girl claimed to have lost hers around 12-13 but she was a notorious bullshitter so she was probably lying. She thought it made her cool but no one was impressed and in fact we were all horrified and would have probably reported the guy if we thought she was being serious.

orangeicecream · 27/12/2020 10:53

23 but then I've only had sex with 1 person.....and they haven't been in my life for 14 years....maybe I'm a virgin again aged 44 :)

Trinacham · 27/12/2020 10:57

For me, 15 does seem too young. I feel like I wasn't mature enough by 15. I didn't lose mine until I was 19. Glad I waited too as I ended up marrying him, so it was special!

1992serpent · 27/12/2020 11:01

How on earth can it be acceptable for people to think 14 is ok for a sex life!!

Some people of that age cant seem to control themselves. So if they're going to do it at that age, best to make sure that they're not being exploited by someone older, that they are using protection and that its something they want to do.

Most people dont lose it so young, but there are a select few who do. It was the norm how ever many years ago, we havent changed that much, except that society wants to control us.

Charlie63849 · 27/12/2020 11:02

I was 16.
My closest friend at the time was 15. She’s still with the bloke she lost her virginity too.
I would think anything past 19 is a bit old to lose it and a bit odd.

RememberSelfCompassion · 27/12/2020 11:06

Wow I wouldn't think 19+ is odd. But then I'd respect someones choice not to go for casual sex/keep it in a relationship -maybe it wasn't the right relarionship or they hadn't met someone they wanted a serious relarionship with yet.

I didn't realise people would actually consider it odd. Especially after this thread full of people who regretted it/did it early to get on with it.

Charlie63849 · 27/12/2020 11:06

@MaudHatter

I think there must be a correlation between age of first sexual experience and access to abortion . None of the 6 girls in my friendship group had sex before we left school at 18. The fear of pregnancy was a powerful contraceptive.
Genuine question - Could you access birth control from a GP younger? Or even buy condoms from a store? Or make the boy buy them if too embarrassed?

I lost it at 16 and never even crossed my mind I’d get pregnant as we used condoms that he bought.

SimonJT · 27/12/2020 11:07

@RememberSelfCompassion

Wow I wouldn't think 19+ is odd. But then I'd respect someones choice not to go for casual sex/keep it in a relationship -maybe it wasn't the right relarionship or they hadn't met someone they wanted a serious relarionship with yet.

I didn't realise people would actually consider it odd. Especially after this thread full of people who regretted it/did it early to get on with it.

Yeah, its weird thats doing what is right for you in choosing who has access to your body is considered odd.
Charlie63849 · 27/12/2020 11:15

@RememberSelfCompassion

Wow I wouldn't think 19+ is odd. But then I'd respect someones choice not to go for casual sex/keep it in a relationship -maybe it wasn't the right relarionship or they hadn't met someone they wanted a serious relarionship with yet.

I didn't realise people would actually consider it odd. Especially after this thread full of people who regretted it/did it early to get on with it.

Oh well. I’m entitled to my opinion and I’m allowed to think something is odd
RememberSelfCompassion · 27/12/2020 11:16

SimonJT exactly!

rattusrattus20 · 27/12/2020 11:24

I'd say that 16 through about 19 is probably the modal age range. It depends on all manner of variables such as gender, socio-economic class, attractiveness, and so on, eg an unusually attractive working class girl would in my experience rarely wait nearly as long as an unattractive upper middle class male, they'd be faced with radically different opportunities and pressures.

StarlightLady · 27/12/2020 11:37

I think it’s possible that responses on here reflect more accuracy than the so called official figures quoted by some. What exactly were their sources? It’s not exactly a go up to someone in the street and ask a question stuff.

A sexually active teen l may have been; my hormones were bubbling. But boyfriends were of similar age, used condoms and l was not coerced. l did not smoke, drink, hang round in gangs etc. And l went on to get a professional job.

I had an elder sister who looked out for me. My mother was a strong feminist, and her advice was, if it doesn't feel nice, don’t do it.

ths1 · 27/12/2020 11:39

A lot of my friends (male and female) lost theirs in the first year of Uni, so 18/19/20 depending on whether they'd had gap years first.

wizzbangfizz · 27/12/2020 11:42

16 most of friends were 17

lockitdown · 27/12/2020 11:45

Depends on your situation. I went to an all girls' school so not much opportunity! Most people I knew lost it at Uni - so looking like 19-21 ish average in my peer group..

lockitdown · 27/12/2020 11:46

@ths1

A lot of my friends (male and female) lost theirs in the first year of Uni, so 18/19/20 depending on whether they'd had gap years first.
snap
lockitdown · 27/12/2020 11:47

I was 29 but just didnt like anyone enough until then.

Mango101 · 27/12/2020 11:55

Sounds like many had/have illegal underage sex !
Wonder how many prosecutions for this a) when both are

WunWun · 27/12/2020 11:58

I was 15. I was the latest in my group of friends. In some cases by years.

BasedInDublin · 27/12/2020 12:01

In my time it was typically 1st year in college based on my friendship group (which would have been 18). I know of lots of stories (and our own experience) of the big summer music festivals being the place in Ireland now for teens. There are some great festivals, and it seems a right of passage for most 5th/6th years to go there, and that can include drink, drugs, sex.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/12/2020 12:03

"Wonder how many prosecutions for this a) when both are

RichardMarxisinnocent · 27/12/2020 12:04

@Charlie63849

I was 16. My closest friend at the time was 15. She’s still with the bloke she lost her virginity too. I would think anything past 19 is a bit old to lose it and a bit odd.
I was 44 so I'd be fascinated to know what you think of me. Presumably I'm a complete weirdo?
DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 27/12/2020 12:06

I was 16.
My closest friend at the time was 15. She’s still with the bloke she lost her virginity too.
I would think anything past 19 is a bit old to lose it and a bit odd

Why odd? Would you prefer a 15 year old to just sleep with anybody so they are not "odd", or wait until they find the right person?

Heartlantern2 · 27/12/2020 12:07

Mine was 15. DH said he was 18. I hope our children are 21 Grin

Just hoping atleast 16 really, I think sometimes the area you live in also plays some factors.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/12/2020 12:08

"Could you access birth control from a GP younger? Or even buy condoms from a store? Or make the boy buy them if too embarrassed?"

Yes, even in the 90s when I was young, you could. I think at the time there was a bit of a debate about confidentiality with most GPs saying they would respect confidentiality of a young person under 16 and not tell their parents.
It was a worker at a place that offered free condoms to children that alerted the public about the Rotherham scandal wasn't it, so there's maybe a question of when to say nothing and when to think that someone is being abused.

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