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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Opened stockings without me.

192 replies

HepLaurenceLB · 25/12/2020 08:42

I have 3 boys under 5. I spend weeks planning their Xmas presents and stocking fillers. He went downstairs with the boys and opened all of the stockings without me.

He did nothing. Did not buy a single present or organise anything but he got to watch all 3 open their stockings. He said he thought it would be a treat for me to lie in ( until 7.30am) instead of watching. First lie in that he has ever given me. I am so pissed off.
I will suck it up and be jolly but he genuinely will not concede that he has been inconsiderate.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/12/2020 17:38

Tricky. If he is your 2nd lie in ever then things need to change big time regardless of stockings

Everyone does them different. For us toddler Nearly 4 wakes up. Very exited fc has been and brings the small pressie ans stocking he left in her room to our room to open in front of us

Yes I would be gutted not to see her delight

But we do it as a joint parenting

Did he say last night have a lie in an he sleeps with toddler

Seems a weird thing for a dad of 3 under 5 to do

He’s obv had Xmas a few times what usually happens

justthecat · 25/12/2020 17:48

The point is you’ve put the effort in to buy and wrap it all for them and you wanted to see their faces.
💐 as for him ...

Whatnameisgood · 25/12/2020 17:51

I’ve read up to page 2 and see that he was with the toddlers last night so you could get a lie in. So a lie in for you was planned. In which case I don’t think he did anything wrong. He gave you the planned lie in. I can totally see why you’re disappointed though. I would be too . Hope the rest of the day went well!!

Almostslimjim · 25/12/2020 17:55

DGPs did this to DH & I last year. It was the first year DS really "got" Santa. I was really upset, as was DH. Thankfully DH hit the roof with his parents.

I'd be so pissed off if DH had done that with me.

Inthemuckheap · 25/12/2020 18:04

So he slept with the toddlers last night so you could get some sleep, he then let you sleep in this morning and took the kids downstairs where of course they were going to be mega excited and want to open their stockings.

He was trying to be nice but typical bloody MN where most men are evil bastards he gets the blame.

Backbee · 25/12/2020 18:44

OP said he has only ever done that twice, if he was such a thoughtful and caring man who recognised that it was important and fair for both parents to share getting up with their children at least at weekends or whatever, then sure. But as he doesn't, he has picked today in his own self interest, and why didn't he offer to help with Christmas stuff? Some people just have low standards it seems, and women should be grateful for a once in the blue moon lie in, and the bloke picking and choosing what be can be arsed to get involved in, and leaving her out.

Deepfilledmincepie · 25/12/2020 19:06

I would be pissed of with the fact that your DH considers you having a lie in as a 'treat'
I'd be upset that I missed the stocking opening, having put time, effort and thought into the gifts.
I guess only you know if it was a thoughtless mistake or deliberate spitefullness.
I hope you've been able to enjoy the rest of the day

daisychain01 · 25/12/2020 19:49

@Inthemuckheap

He was trying to be nice but typical bloody MN where most men are evil bastards he gets the blame.

Trying to be nice?

That's like saying the DP was "helping to look after the children" um no, they are his children too, he isn't doing any favours!

Irrespective of him letting his OH have a lie in (probably due to her being knackered from organising Christmas from start to finish), it's inexcusable that he didn't have a tiny bit of common sense and ask her if she wanted to share in the DCs stocking present unwrapping so she could make the choice. She could have gone back to bed after that.

Acrasia · 25/12/2020 21:30

I would definitely make sure you mention multiple times in the run up to next Christmas that they need to come and open them on your bed.

Is it possible that your DH genuinely didn’t realise you would be upset because stockings weren’t opened in front of his parents? I grew up in a family where we opened the stockings with our siblings as soon as we woke up and that our parents would get up in their own time. We opened the more important family presents later all together.

I hope you have had a magical day despite missing out on the stockings.

dudsville · 25/12/2020 21:46

Who doesn't know that the joy in giving is seeing the recipient open it? Otherwise it's just about objects and consumerism. It's such common knowledge it's frequently a bit in films... guy helps friend buy a present, usually some first edition, for someone he truly adores and watches off stage to see their happiness. Your DH should be able to recognize this and just apologise, he'd gain so much ground if he could.

goose1964 · 25/12/2020 22:08

My kids always had their stockings in their rooms to open before going downstairs.

Namechangeme87 · 25/12/2020 22:17

Seems a little strange that he decides your second lie in in what 5 years will be on the day u will miss them opening there stockings sorry haven’t rtft is he often a twat ?

My kids have been that age and super excited to open stuff hell they still are now they are older but even at that age they would have been fine if I’d let them open a couple of gifts then distracted them with breakfast and playing for a while past 7.30am

He really couldn’t have done that ?

PronkWine · 25/12/2020 22:29

God no, I'd take the lie in.

Birdy65 · 25/12/2020 23:16

Years ago my DH went and bought the Christmas tree and decorated it with the children while I was at work. They actually went and chose one to be cut down.

It was the year we went back to having a real tree as the children were no longer toddlers. He knew I was so excited about it but did not interpret this as me wanting to do this as a family.

He thought it would be a nice surprise when I got in from work. At the time I was so upset. I saw it as him taking away the excitement from me and playing the role of being the great dad and he saw it as a special surprise for me. It caused so much upset at the time.
It’s so true that men think so differently to us and even after 24 years of marriage my DH still doesn’t understand these things.
Maybe he was just trying to be kind?

bloodyhairy · 26/12/2020 02:09

Such overreactions on here! It was only the stockings, not all the presents!
How some of you get through life is simply beyond me.

OhioOhioOhio · 26/12/2020 08:06

If your h ate only the turkey and not the potatoes you would be grateful?

midinthenight · 26/12/2020 08:10

I would have appreciated the extra time in bed but that's why we do stockings here. When I don't want presents opened without me, such as birthdays etc I tell dh to make sure they wait. Did he know you wanted to watch? He may have genuinely thought you'd prefer a lie-in.

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