Opened stockings without me.

[HepLaurenceLB]

I have 3 boys under 5. I spend weeks planning their Xmas presents and stocking fillers. He went downstairs with the boys and opened all of the stockings without me.

He did nothing. Did not buy a single present or organise anything but he got to watch all 3 open their stockings. He said he thought it would be a treat for me to lie in ( until 7.30am) instead of watching. First lie in that he has ever given me. I am so pissed off.
I will suck it up and be jolly but he genuinely will not concede that he has been inconsiderate.

I don't agree. My xh did shit like that to me for years. I put up with it for years because I assumed he was thoughtless. I was completely wrong. Each of his innocent mistakes was very thoughtful.

We always have stockings outside bedroom door so kids bring them onto us or when smaller we brought them into our bedroom to do stockings

@Itsrainingatlast there’s always one!
How dare you have stocking fillers and a main present(s) OP...!

OP at best this was a mis-understanding. However your comments about how little he does in the run up to Christmas and with your DC makes me think it probably wasn’t accidental. I’d be upset not seeing my kids reactions to the stuff in their stockings because I put a lot of thought and get bits gradually when I see them. It’s lovely when they are surprised/excited etc. I’d hate to miss out on that.

Will toddlers even care about stockings?

He could have got kids up given them breakfast and put a Xmas dvd on for them. My dh brought me a tray of tea in bed whilst he pealed veg and brought down everyone's stockings into lounge. I got up to breakfast Xmas tree crumpets just ready to eat whilst we opened stockings. Tbh your husband sounds like a really nasty piece of work. He wanted to see joy on kids faces but not share it with you. How could he do that to you? I hope he is cooking the dinner and clearing up afterwards.

YANBU at all
It sounds as if there's a problem all year round, given that you said he doesn't usually let you have lie-ins and you usually do a lot more than him.
I think there's a reason many people evaluate their relationships at Christmas time.
I hope he acknowledges your feelings at the very least

At best, he’s fucking thick. As pp have said, who watches small children excitedly open presents and doesn’t consider that the person who’d done all the work in organising this might want to share the fun??

Doesn’t matter that stockings aren’t a big deal in some households. It is clear they are for OP and he will have known this.

My MIL did this one Christmas (I was dealing with small baby and she sneaked off with the older one). DH maintained she didn’t realise. Fuck off, didn’t she.

I retrieved DD and stocking and got DD to show and tell me all about her presents. Nearly as good, and you’re right that to fester on it now could spoil the rest of the day.

I hope you get lots of magical moments with your little ones today, OP x

I'd have been really upset at that age. It's really special, my little girl (4) asked for some space pyjamas, a watch, a slap bracelet, a teddy and some green chocolate balls (sprouts). Watching her reaction each time the "right" thing came out of the bag was brilliant, as was my youngests reaction to the bumper pack of cars F.C got him (CARSSSS!). It's confirmation for them that the magic of Santa actually works.

Not sure you can leave the really young kids to open their presents whilst you stay in bed, mine certainly needed help today opening stuff.

The poster banging on about privilege needs to stop noshing off Scrooge and sort yourself out, stupid thing to say at best.

How's your day working out op?

I'll be honest - when I was younger, stockings were for opening early so my parents could have a lie-in - that's why they were left in bedrooms! I don't remember my parents ever watching me open mine, though of course they did watch me open my tree presents.

I remember rushing into their room (at 7am, no earlier!) to show them what I'd been given from Santa in my stocking - but I'd probably been awake a good hour or two at that point

Nah I'd be fine with that. You had the lie in and stockings are there to help with that! O did all the stocking stuff cos I love it. But we both paid for it

Everyone saying it sounds deliberate and nasty, how do you know he wasn’t genuinely trying to give his wife a Christmas lie in and keep the kids quiet by opening their stockings? There’s never anything mega exciting in them, they’re only supposed to be small things that cost a quid or so. I’d bloody love it if someone did this for me.

@Marzipan12

To be fair you have 3 excited under 5 year olds. If you didn't get up did you really expect them to wait?

This

He's your husband, at some point you loved and respected this guy enough to chose to marry him and create a family with him.

Why don't you talk to him like a grown up and let him know you were hurt to be left out and that next year he needs to help organise Christmas and you come up with a plan in advance.

Or you could pretend everything is fine when it's not, let that resentment build up and add to the list of grievances once you've stopped communicating completely and considering divorce.

Wow letting you have a lay in. Yeah what a cunt.

Why did you do absolutely everything anyway? Surely the point is not that you could bask in the glory of your efforts, but that the children have a lovely day?

@Rainbowqueeen

Sounds deliberate to me. Really nasty.

I’d hit the roof

THIS! 😡_ _

If you usually watch the kids open the presents then he's done this deliberately and it very malicious. I think this is awful.

Why are you sucking it up?

I’d be furious. X

I can't believe so many people are outraged by this. If you wanted to watch them open their stockings, you should have got out of bed!

@Meatshake needs too stop noshing off Scrooge ..... by far my favourite Mumsnet comment ever!!!

I would look at it from the angle he let you get extra sleep if he slept with the toddlers so you could catch up. I wouldn't be too annoyed. Merry Christmas x

I thought the point of stockings was to extend parental time in bed.

No, stockings were what used to hold your presents. Over the years present piles have grown but stockings originally contained all of the gifts.

I have never heard of them extending parents time in bed? I can't imagine wanting to do that anyway!

Of course this depends on your relationship. Had you made clear or should it have been obvious from previous years you want to watch?

I never opened stocking presents with my parents which was the point. Any credit was for Santa Clause anyway.

Really you need to put this into perspective of his other behaviour. Does he ever put his needs ahead of yours? Does he ever forget your birthday, anniversary, etc? If so this is just a pattern of chauvinistic behaviour from him and I don’t often say this but I would LTB.

It's all about the intention.

Good man generally messes up I think the OP can be pissed off, but get over it and set him straight.....

It happens in family's and life moves on.

Lazy selfish shit who does little, gives the OP a rare hour extra in bed when she is shattered, having organised everything for Christmas, and then allows the children to have their stockings before mummy is up....really annoying selfish twat.

The OP knows who she's married to.

4 big children here who were outraged last night when I suggested for the laugh that because of the year that's in it I had ditched their stockings...hilarious..

Stockings are mostly their individual sweet preferences....a book I know they would enjoy and a few cheap bits I've picked up during the year, nothing special just little bits that I know they might like.

They all, without exception, love the stocking best.

It goes back to it being at the end of the bed and their first whiff of Santa.

I felt the exact same growing up. Loved my stocking.

I hope the OP is OK.

3 under 5 is relentless.